


Return to the Falls

by Raichel



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Future Fic, Kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-05-24 05:56:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 55,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6143695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raichel/pseuds/Raichel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Those who do not know history's mistakes are doomed to repeat them.”</p><p>	GSRIGB BVZIH YB MLD SZEV KZHHVW<br/>GRNV XZM HVVN YLGS HOLD ZMW UZHG<br/>MLD MVD XSROWIVM UZXV GSV GVHG<br/>OVG’H SLKV GSV KRMVH GDRMH IZRHVW GSV YVHG</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, reader! If you're happening across this fic for the first time, a disclaimer:
> 
> This fanfic was written in most part between the Gravity Falls finale and the release of Journal 3 to the public. Because of that, there are some canon non-compliant elements to this story. Most can sort of be fudged as far as I'm concerned, but one is a big issue: my choice of 'real name' for Dipper. I decided a grown man would no longer go by the name 'Dipper,' and I did not choose my theory wisely. So, if Dipper going by 'Abel' is going to be a problem for your suspension of disbelief, either let me know or turn back now. Thank you! And if you do read on regardless, I hope you enjoy!

On a relaxed sumer day, shaded by the trees around the clearing, tourists gathered at the entrance of The Mystery Shack. A sign in front of the steps proclaims Next tour: 1:35. The time is 1:34. Small children are gathered nearest the porch-come-stage, waiting eagerly for the show. A few let out gasps as fog starts to pour out from under The Shack’s door. The door bursts open, and the tourists’ chatter falls quiet.

“Behold!” booms a young man’s voice.

“Wonders found in these very woods!” a young woman chimes in, both of their figures still shrouded in fog.

“Beasts so horrible-“ he continued, stepping from the fog,

“So spooky-!” she emphasized, joining him before the crowd,

“They drove six residents from these very premises!”

“No including the pig!” she added, crouching down closer to the eager kids’ level.

“And you can see it all!” he added,

“For only ten measly dollars a person!” his sister confirmed.

“Right here, at The Mystery Shack!” they explained in unison. “And we will be your guides.”

“For we are only the most qualified,” he boasted, taking a dignified stance,

“Only the most specialized,” she added on with a flourish,

“The one,”

“The only,” they traded off, before unifying for their final point:

“The Mystery Twins of Gravity Falls!”

The crowd applauded, and they exchanged grins; that never got old.

“Stan and Gabby Ramirez,” they elaborated with a bow, “at your service.”

“Now if you’ll follow us into The Shack,” Gabby called over the crowd’s amused mutterings, “our first

exhibit is the illustrious Jackalope!”

 

Three hours down the nearest highway Cassandra Pines is tapping away on her handheld system, numbed by over four consecutive hours driving and no real end in sight. Her dad tried to engage her:  
“We’ll see your aunt! And your cousins!” he offered.

Cassandra snorted,

“We see them, like, once a month. That’s nothing special.”

“The joys of the great outdoors!”

“You mean ticks? Because it’s gonna’ be a forrest full of ticks and you know it.”

Her dad paused;

“You know, I don’t think I ever got bit by a single tick. I got bit by a lot of things in Gravity Falls, but never any ticks!” he realized.

“She doesn’t have to like it just because you did,” her mom noted from the passenger seat, “this is your reunion, enjoy it for you! She barely remembers anyone in this town anyway.”

“Oh my god, that’ll be awkward!” Cassandra groaned, “It’s so weird when adults know you, like, really

well, and you have no idea who they are!”

“You remember some of these people!” he insisted, “You remember Soos, and Melody, and their kids!”

“Kind of. I mean, the last time I saw them I was, like, eight.”

“You’ve met Wendy too, right?”

“Once,” Cassandra pointed out.

“Have you ever met Candy and Grenda?”

“Nope. I just know you talk about them sometimes.”

“Hm,” her father concluded.

There was a moment of silence in the car before Cassandra concluded:

“I’m gonna’ plug into my music.”

 

Ashwin Howley was more than happy to take the trip to Gravity Falls. He’d been badgering his mother all week about what was fun in Gravity Falls. Were the trees good for climbing? Were there cool rocks? Were there any neat, local stores? Was it a good place for a summer love?!

Occasionally his little sister, Faith, would interject with a slightly more ridiculous question, like if there was a Chester E. Cheese (apparently not, but there might be a ‘Hoo-Ha Owl’s Pizzamatronic Jamboree’), or was there a pool, or was there anything cool in the forrest? Like fairies, or Unicorns? Ashwin thought this question was silly, but their mother had never answered that question.

“And Cassie’ll be here too, right?” he perked up from the backseat of the minivan, “So I’ll know somebody.”

“You bet! And you have your sister,” their mom pointed out.

“Are there cool bugs?” Faith chirped, “Could I catch some? Take ‘em home and impress my teacher?”

“Probably,” Mabel allowed. “there’s a lot of interesting stuff. But mostly we’re meeting the people!”

“Why this summer?” Ashwin asked, “Why are we going now? We’ve only been a few other times.”

“It- It just feels important,” Mabel explained, “it’s been 30 years since our first summer there. We thought we should go back.”

“You and Uncle Dip?”

“The man’s name is Abel!” Dad interjected, “Why do we stick with his old nickname?”

“Force of habit,” Mabel shrugged, “he’s fine with the kids using it.”

“Uncle Dipping-sauce!” Faith cheered.

 

Cassandra removed an earbud as interstate started to give way to infinite, shady woods on either side.

“How close are we?” she asked, turning from the green-brown blur out her window to her parents in the front seat.

“Should be about half-an-hour out,” her dad responded. “Oh my god, it’s the sign!” he exclaimed, throwing an arm across her mom’s field of vision as a “Welcome to Gravity Falls” billboard appeared over the horizon. “I’m pretty sure I drove a golf cart through that once! OK, so, we’ll stop by the rental cabin first,” he concluded, falling into super-planner mood, “drop all our stuff, meet Mabel, get settled in, then Soos has invited everybody to dinner at the Shack, so if we get there around five, five-thirty, maybe six-“

“Honey,” his wife interrupted, placing a hand on his shoulder, “we know. I think this might be the third time we’ve gone over this on the trip. Granted, it’s been eight hours.”

“Hey, it’s been eight hours!” Cassandra pointed out, “Can we breathe for a second or what?”  
This may have been the first time this had crossed her father’s mind. There was a moment of silence as he thought about that concept.

“She has a point,” her mom admitted.

“I need room time!” she insisted.

“Yeah,” he sighed, “yeah, you’re right. I can go just me tonight. I’m not sure anybody else will bring their kids either. besides, we’ll be in town for a while, you guys will have plenty of time to say hi to everybody.”

 

When Ashwin and his family reached the rental cabin Uncle Dipper and his family was already there; he came to meet them at the door. The twins hugged a long moment while their spouses exchanged pleasantries, then they broke to exchanged greetings with their other half’s other half.

“Christy!” Mabel beamed, exchanging air-cheek-kisses with the other woman (a custom Mabel had always adored), “How are you? You smell fantastic! What shampoo do you use?”

“Hey, Matt!” Abel attempted, patting the taller man on the arm. “How- how’s it going? Good?”

“It’s good, man, how’re you?” Matt returned.

Faith quickly zeroed in on her cousin,

“CASSIE!!” she hollered, catapulting herself at her older cousin, who stumbled under the wight of her hug.

“Hey, Faith, w-what’s up?”

“I’m good,” Faith replied, “I’m gonna’ collect bugs for school! That’ll impress Ms. Williamson for sure!”

“I bet,” Cassandra accepted.

“Hey, ‘cuz!” Ashwin grinned, wrapping an arm around his cousin and mussing up her hair.

Cassandra winced under the playful attack,

“Hey, Ash.”

“How’ve you been holding up?” he asked, releasing her, “Still being smart, and nerdy, and stuff?”

“I guess?” Cassandra tried, “I don’t- can you be more specific?”

“You still get good grades?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Sweet! I wanna’ see if you can help me with some weird math stuff.”

“Cassiiee!” the excited call of her aunt got Cassandra’s attention right before she found herself smushed into Mabel’s hug. “You’re getting so tall!” she gaped, “You must’ve grown six inches since I saw you last!”

“I- I’m not even sure I’ve grown an inch,” Cassandra interjected.

“You guys are kind of late,” her dad pointed out, “Mabel, you want to get going? We’re leaving Cassie here tonight.”

“Well, Ash and Faith could stay too, then!” Mabel realized. “Does that sound like fun, guys?”

“Yeah!” her children chorused.

“Then it’s a deal!” Mabel decided, “Kids’ night tonight!”

Cassandra tried hard not to groan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOW UIRVMWH HLLM DROO IVFMRGV  
> NFXS GL Z GIZKKVW WVERO’H WVORTSG


	2. Chapter 2

Mabel and Abel had not stopped talking since they got in the car. Their spouses exchanged some small talk: “how are the kids,” “seen any good movies,” “twins, am I right?” and so on. The constant stream of uninterrupted Pines-talk was only broken when they stepped out of the car outside The Mystery Shack and a voice cut in:

“Doods!”

“Soos!” the twins responded, before getting scooped up in a bear hug.

“Oh, man, I missed you guys!” Soos gushed. “Hi, Matt! Hi Christy!” he called over top of the tops of the twins heads as an afterthought. He finally released them and gave them the down-low as they headed into The Shack, “How’re the Stans holding up?”

“They’re OK,” Abel assured him, “I mean, they’re in their 90s, so making the trek all the way up here-“

“Of course!” Soos agreed.

“If anything happens, you’ll know, don’t worry. You’re family, man.”

“Thanks, dood, I really appreciate it. Man, you’re kind of behind the crowd, though. A lot of people are here already: the Corduroys, Valentinos, the- Where are the kids?” he suddenly realized.

“We left ‘em back at the rental,” Mabel explained, “they’ve had a long day, you know? It’s an eight-hour drive, give or take.”

“Hoh, yeah, I feel ya’,” Soos accepted. “Look who’s here!” he called into the packed Shack.

A cheer erupted, Mabel responded with an incoherent holler, and Dipper flushed red. Because he was Dipper, here. No one here called him Abel, or ‘Mr. Pines’, he was Dipper. Plain and simple.  
Within moments a flannel-clad arm was thrown over his shoulder.

“How ya’ doing, Dipper?” Wendy asked, “Job treating you well?”

“Yeah, well enough,” Dipper shrugged.

“Hey, giiirl!” two distinct voices called from across the room, gaining Mabel’s attention.

“Candy! Grenda!” Mabel beamed, falling with ease into a group hug, “You guys! I haven’t seen you in so long!”

“We miss you too, girl,” Candy assured her, straightening her glasses as they separated.

“How are your kids?” Grenda asked, “Marius and I brought all the girls with us!”

“Oh, I haven’t seen your girls in so long! Ours are back at the rental. You know, kids’ night.”

“Kids’ night?!” Grenda exclaimed, “Well! Why not make it a party! Brenda!”

A teen girl appeared in a moment at Grenda’s elbow,

“Yes’m?”

“Take your sisters over to the Pines’ cabin! It’s party time!”

 

“-and when I go back I’ll be in fourth grade,” Faith explained to Cassandra, who was trying really hard to look interested.

“Cool,” she uttered for the umpteenth time. It had gotten dark since this conversation started.

“OK, so I think I found a TV channel that isn’t local,” Ashwin mentioned from beside them on the sofa,

“but I’m not sure. It might just be a pubic system airing a syndicated show-“

There was a rap on the door.

All three kids exchanged looks infused with varying levels of terror.

Ashwin glanced towards the door and Cassandra spoke,

“Don’t open it.”

“We don’t know-“

“Exactly!” she hissed.

There were some muffled voices from the other side.

“They sound kind of young,” Ashwin noted, “maybe-“

“Don’t do it.”

There was a clicking of a key in the lock and all three of them stared, not daring to breathe, unable to anticipate who or what would open the door.

“Ashwin? Cassandra? Faith?” a guy called, poking his head into the rental cabin.

Ashwin and Cassandra were both very aware of how tall and mature this guy was, as well as how his dark red hair fell and how chiseled his jawline was.

“Oh, hey! That’s you guys, right?” he prompted, stepping into the cabin.

“M-Mmhm,” Cassandra managed to squeak.

Ashwin only managed a nod.

“I’m Faith!” their younger companion responded, hopping off the couch to meet the guy in the doorway.

“How’d you get a key?”

“Yeah, that,” he acknowledged, “I’m, uh, supervising tonight-?“

“Wu-why would we need to be supervised?” Cassandra asked, jerking out of her mild hormone stupor,

“We’ve been left alone loads of times!”

“Yeah, I believe you,” they guy responded, “but you have company,” he explained, opening the door to reveal a veritable hoard of kids and teens outside.

Cassandra’s stomach sank. So much for any time alone.

“Woah!” Ashwin beamed, “Who ARE all you people?!”

“Basically our parents sent us to hang out with you,” a teen girl explained, “I’m Brenda von Fundshauser, by the way,” she added, offering Ashwin a hand, “nice to meet you.”

“Hi!” Ashwin responded.

“And these are my sisters:” she continued, a gaggle of various-aged girls gathering around her, “Lynda, Glenda, Jenda & Kenda (the twins), and Wenda, the youngest,” she concluded, gesturing to the child in Gleda’s arms.

“Oh! Is your mom Grenda?” Ashwin realized.

“How did you guess?” the chorused with varying levels of sarcasm.

“My mom talks about her a lot,” Ashwin explained.

“Felicity Northwest-Passage,” another girl about his age butted in, taking Ashwin’s hand and shaking it,

“it’s hyphenated,” she explained to Ashwin’s contorted face, “and this is my little brother, Hayes.”

“I’m Hayes!” a young boy confirmed, popping up behind her shoulder.

“I’m Faith!” Ashwin’s little sister told the boy, “I really like bugs and cake. What do you like?”

“I like robots!”

“Cool! Let’s go play up in me and my brother’s room! Jenda and Kenda!” she called, “You wanna’ come too?”

The four younger kids scampered upstairs, and Ashwin got a little more confident around the cool, older guy that had first opened the door,

“And who might you be?” he asked, trying to sound smooth and only slightly succeeding.

“Paul Corduroy,” he introduced himself, shaking Ashwin’s hand.

“I’m Ashwin,” he spat out.

“Y’know, I’d guessed,” Paul grinned down at him.

“You seem… strong,” Ashwin noted after a pause.

“Heh, I guess,” Paul shrugged, “I’m working on being a lumberjack. It’s the family trade,” he explained.

“Are you Mabel or Dipper’s kid?”

“M-Mabel,” Ashwin stammered, startled by the semi-personal question.

“Oh, cool. I bet you’re a good guy to invite to a party.”

“Y-yeah, thanks, I guess so. My cousin Cassandra-“ Ashwin cut himself off as he noticed a complete lack of Cassandra on the sofa. “Crud.”

 

Cassandra sat out behind the cabin, hand clutching a tangle of her hair, a furious scribble scrawled in her notebook under the heading ‘Day 1.’ She didn’t want to be here. She couldn’t understand why some backwoods hick town was so important to her dad, and why it was so important that this strange reunion happen now. This had been such a long day, and she got the sense that she wouldn’t get much time to herself during this “vacation.”

“Hey.”

Cassandra almost jumped out of her skin, fumbling with her notebook, staring wide-eyed at the freckle-faced girl that had spoken to her. She finally managed a blink, and responded:

“Hey.”

“I volunteered to track you down,” the girl explained, sitting down beside her, “your cousin was wondering, and my brother is sort of in charge, so he just wanted to make sure you would be OK.”

“Your brother?” Cassandra echoed, remembering Square-Jaw-McRed-Head from earlier.

“Yeah. He’s good like that. Oh, and I’m Elowen,” the girl explained, “Elowen Corduroy.”

“Cassandra Pines,” she responded with a nod of acknowledgment.

The two sat in silence for a moment, looking up at the stars through the trees.

“OK, so the lack of light pollution is cool,” Cassandra admitted.

“Yeah, it’s nice,” Elowen agreed, “I have trouble not being fascinated by stars.”

“It runs in the family for me,” Cassandra mentioned, “you know how everybody calls my dad Dipper?”  
Elowen nodded.

“It’s ‘cause he has this birthmark on his forehead that looks like the big dipper.”

“Oh, yeah, I’d heard that.”

“Yeah, but, like, that seems to run in the family,” Cassandra continued, “well- here, let me get my phone light,” she tapped other phone’s flashlight and held it over her right arm, illuminating orion’s belt, legs, and torso in freckle-marks on her arm, made clear by the strange lines connecting them. “I’ve even been called Orion,” she admitted, “but it just doesn’t have the same ring. After all-“

Something scrabbled out of the forrest and grabbed for the phone.

Cassandra yelped, but managed to cling to it.

“What was that?” she exclaimed, somewhere between fear and confusion. She suddenly became aware that Elowen was brandishing a pocketknife into the darkness.

“I have no idea,” Elowen breathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ZRIRMT GLMRTSG LM TIZERGB UZOOH KFYORX ZXXVH:  
> GSV MVD VKRHLWV LU GSV VWTB, NLWVIM WFXP-GVXGREV IVYLLG


	3. Chapter 3

Cassandra and Elowen ran through the forrest, Cassandra’s phone light illuminating the debris spray of this bizarre little creature that had tried to steal her phone.

“Why are we chasing it?!” Cassandra asked, not slowing down in the slightest.

“I’unno,” Elowen admitted, “you started it, didn’t you?”

“I thought you did!” Cassandra hollered back.

There was a silence between them, short of their own panting, heavy footfalls, and the creature’s grunts and scrabbles.

“Let’s catch it!” Cassandra concluded.

“Heck yeah!” Elowen agreed.

They barreled through the trees and brambles with a renewed gusto, Cassandra trying to snap the occasional picture and failing miserably. They had enough momentum as they burst into the clearing that they narrowly avoided running headlong into the Mystery Shack.

“Crud,” Cassandra gasped, as the strange creature scrabbled in through an ajar gift shop door. “do we follow it?”

“Yes,” Elowen concluded after a moment’s consideration.

In the dark, closed gift shop they could hear the good-natured conversation of their parents, but tried harder to hear the creature rustling around.

“I don’t see it,” Cassandra said, shutting off her light.

“It’s got to be here,” Elowen insisted, looking around the dimly moonlit room.

In a flurry of clatters and motion the creature clambered out from behind the counter and hauled up to the top of the vending machine; lit by moonlight and perched on higher ground the girls got their first good look at the creature, bug-eyed and mostly hairless. It seemed to have found a pack of candy in the bottom of the machine.  
It hissed at them.

Cassandra took a picture.

Startled by the flash, the creature tumbled off the machine and scurried back out the way it had come, through the door and into the woods.

“Well,” Elowen concluded, “that happened.”

“Not a half-bad shot,” Cassandra complimented herself, turning the phone screen for her new friend to see.

“If it were a person that shot would be hideous,” Elowen noted, “but for a weird, gross, forrest creature that’s nice and clear.”

Elowen put away her pocket knife and turned to leave, but she found Cassandra was still looking at the vending machine.

“Come on, man, we gotta’ get back,” she nudged the other girl.

“I didn’t even think vending machine keypads lit up,” Cassandra mused, stepping closer to the vending machine, “why would these keys be-?” she touched the vending machine and it swung away from her hand, clicking back into the wall. Cassandra stared at it for a moment. “Crud, what was the code?!” she blurted, “It was in a sort of C-shape, wasn’t it? So maybe…” she set to punching keys, “A, 1, B, C, 3?” she muttered. With a hiss the vending machine creaked forward.

“It’s a door?”

“Looks like it,” Cassandra agreed, swinging the vending machine open. “Looks like we need the light again,” she sighed, tapping it on and shining it down the old stairs. “I mean, we already chased a hairless forrest creature, how bad could a basement be?” she mentioned, trying to sell herself on the idea as much as Elowen.

“I mean, we’re here,” Elowen agreed.

With great anticipation they crept down the steps, which ended much sooner than they thought.

“Well, that’s underwhelming,” Cassandra sighed, shining the light over the wall.

“Dude, it’s a door,” Elowen pointed out, pulling the rusted metal away. The two girls stepped into the space they found and looked around,

“It’s an elevator,” Cassandra clarified, noting the down button beside the door.

“Do you think it works?” Elowen asked.

Cassandra pushed the down button and it lit up,

“Maybe,” she concluded, stepping back into the elevator box. It jerked sickeningly, and began to drop. “it works,” she squeaked, clutching the wall as the old rickety thing rattled and creaked down the shaft.

They came to the basement with a thud and stared out as the door slid open.

“That is utter blackness,” Cassandra concluded.

“Check for switches,” Elowen hissed, the darkness and decrepitness of the place compelling her to keep her voice low.

Cassandra shone the light around, particularly on the walls closest to them, and found loads of buttons and switches.

“Which one?” she asked Elowen, over her shoulder.

“All of them until one does something,” Elowen concluded.

The two started frantically flipping switches, Elowen taking on a method of lining up her arm under the switches and flipping about ten at a time, and all of a sudden the basement glowed to life, humming and chattering in technological confusion. Through the soft glows of electronics all around them Cassandra saw a lamp on a desk and clicked it on, the best light source down there. The desk had a few notebooks on it, neatly stacked-

“Cassandra,” Elowen said, nudging the other girl’s shoulder.

Cassandra looked up through the pane of glass above the desk, a few long cracks across it’s surface, and her jaw went a little slack.

“What is that?” she breathed, looking up in awe at the big, triangular metal structure, a black circular void in the middle of it, strange symbols around the void’s edge glowing softly.

“No idea,” Elowen responded.

Cassandra raised her phone to take a picture, but in the low light it didn’t look like much of anything.

“Should we get closer?” Cassandra asked, unable to take her eyes off it.

“I don’t know,” Elowen shivered, “It makes my hair stand on end. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.”

“We know it’s down here now,” Cassandra reasoned, finally tearing her gaze away, “we can come back.”

“Yeah, let’s do that,” Elowen agreed.

“But let’s look around,” Cassandra added, picking up one of the notebooks, “it’s super cool down here.” she ran a hand over the decorations on the front; someone had very carefully lacquered on a blue pine tree, cut out of construction paper, and drew a ‘1’ on in silver sharpie. She flipped open the book and looked over the first page; it was dated in late May 2013. She read through some of the pencil scrawl:

_The first day I came to Gravity Falls the journal gave me some advice:_   
_TRUST NO ONE._   
_I’m still not sure if that was true. I think I chose the right people to trust._   
_But I guess you never know. This summer will probably be pretty boring;_   
_nothing can top last summer. But that’ll get a book all to itself._

“My brother’s gonna’ kill me,” Elowen realized, looking at her cell reception, “he can’t find us if he needs to. We gotta’ go,” she insisted, turning to Cassandra.

“Got it,” Cassandra accepted, scooping up the notebooks. She hesitated, noticing a dusty photo frame. She brushed some of the dust off, and looked it over.

“Dude, going, now, we need to,” Elowen emphasized, walking up behind her.

“It’s my dad,” she explained, showing Elowen the photo, “it’s him and his sister. Like, way back in the day.”

“Woah,” Elowen agreed. “but we really gotta’ go,” she repeated.

“Yeah, OK,” Cassandra accepted, leaving the frame on the desk.

 

 

It was disconcerting to step out of the dark, quiet woods and into the bright cabin bustling with activity.

“Oh, hey! There you guys are,” Paul grinned, noticing Cassandra and Elowen in the doorway. “you guys were out there a long time! You OK?”

“Yup,” the two girls responded, maybe a little too quickly.

“Cool.”

“Hey, Cassie!” Ashwin beamed, rushing over to his cousin, “I’ve been hanging out with Paul!” he told her in an excited whisper, “I think it’s going well!”

“Good job, man,” Cassandra half-heartedly returned, patting him on the shoulder with her free hand, “have fun with that.”

“Alright you whippersnappers!” a young man hollered, stepping through the door behind Cassandra and Elowen, startling the girls considerably. “Mystery twins are here to break up the party!” Stan Ramirez concluded.

“Ohmigod, that’s Cassie!” Gabby Ramirez gasped.

Cassandra blinked up at the 20-something, trying to figure out who this was and how she knew her name.

“You don’t really remember us, huh? We’re your Grunkle Soos’s kids. We baby sat you a couple times back in the day, get christmas cards from your family, that kind of thing.”

“Oh, OK, I think I remember you,” Cassandra accepted. Though, if she was honest with herself, only a little; she remembered Grunkle Soos had kids, but she couldn’t really connect the vague memories to the college students in front of her.

“And you’re Ashwin!” Gabby concluded, “You guys have gotten so big! How old are you now?”

“Fifteen,” Ashwin told her.

“Fourteen,” Cassandra followed up.

“Wow! No wonder you’re so tall! And I bet you’re Faith,” Gabby added, flashing a grin at the little girl hovering by Ashwin’s side. “nice to meet you, I’m Gabby.”

“Hi, Gabby,” Faith responded with a smile and a wave.

“You’ll have to come by and see us at the shack,” Gabby concluded, “but right now we’re here to break up the party.”

Ashwin, the middle few ‘enda’s and the Northwest-Passage kids groaned in protest.

“Sorry,” Stan said, holding up his hands in surrender, “Mr. Mystery’s orders. The parents all expect to be talking late in to the night, so they’ve asked that we come to make sure you at least pull an all-nighter in your own homes.”

Then the Ramirez twins flipped their tour-leading and tourist-wrangling skills into gear.

“Alright, Paul, you can get your family home, right?” Gabby prompted, tossing a gesture at the eldest Corduroy.

“You bet,” he agreed, his little brother already slung under his arm like a sack of ‘taters. “you ready to go, Elowen?”

“Sure,” she accepted. “See ya’ later,” she told Cassandra, tossing her a wave as they turned to leave.

“Then I’ll take the ‘enda’s,” Gabby concluded, nodding to the gaggle of girls, “and you can get the Northwest-Passage kids home, cool?” she asked her brother.

“Got it. Hayes, Felicity, got all your stuff?” Stan called.

The blonde kids appeared before him, and with a scuffle of people and chatter only rivaled by the one when everyone got there, they were all gone, with only a “Goodnight!” tossed over Gabby’s shoulder.

 

 

All alone in the house, and all at least a little spooked by an almost empty house in the middle of the night, the three cousins headed for their shared room. Cassandra made a b-line for the loft she had claimed for her own, under the argument that the other two were siblings and usually had to share a room anyway, but she was an only child, and needed space, and she also got up there first so there. Not the most mature argument the fourteen year old had ever made, but what’re ya’ gonna’ do.  
In a baggy promotional t-shirt and pajama pants Cassandra settled down in her newfound bed, bedside light off, facing away from the semi-lit room below her, where Ashwin was reading his sister a story. She lay there a moment, trying to clear her head and make herself fall asleep, but between Ashwin’s reading (however soft and courteous), and the extra light, and that nagging feeling-

She rolled over and pulled Notebook 1 from the shelf in her bedside table, fishing her book light out of her backpack.

_Today was pretty boring. It was good to see everyone, for sure,_   
_but there isn’t really anything to write about. The weirdness has abated._   
_I mean, don’t get me wrong, the Manotaurs are still in the woods,_   
_the Multi-Bear still lives in his cave (we hang out sometimes),_   
_I think the lili-putt-ians are still at the mini-golf course, and I know I’ve_   
_seen some of the gnomes._   
_That’s it: I’ll write about the gnomes. So, last year, me and my_   
_sister had first gotten here, and she’s all gung-ho about a summer_   
_romance, and finds this guy who is GNOMES. Ok, that was a little_   
_fast. I’ll work on my pacing. So, I had just found journal 3 - very_   
_important - and my sister was bugging me, but also she met this_   
_guy, and I was kind of suspicious_

Cassandra reached the end of the scribbled narrative on the page and took a moment with the illustration of a squat little gnome, pointed hat, beard, the works. Underneath, in pink glitter pen, the drawing was credited to ‘His Sister.’ Above the gnome were scrawled the words “WEAKNESS: LEAF-BLOWERS.”

“What’cha reading?”

Cassandra fumbled with the book, snapping it shut, and turning to look at Ashwin, at the top of the ladder up to the loft.

“Just… a thing I found,” she spluttered, very bad at sounding convincing on short notice.

“Looks cool,” he responded, voice low. “Faith’s asleep, but I saw you still had a light on. Just checking.”

She offered a nod of acknowledgement.

“G’night Cassie.”

“Night, Ash.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XZMWB NLMHGVI ORPVH HPRGGOVH YVHG


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this far! It gets a little more episodic from here, hope you enjoy!

Even from her loft Cassandra was not immune to the light that suddenly poured into the room as her Aunt Mabel threw open the curtains below her. She was even less immune to her Aunt’s excited holler,

“Rise and shine! Up and at ’em! Time to get up, get out, enjoy the world! Meet new people, make new friends! Live life to the fullest!”

Cassandra groaned.

“Wh-what’s for breakfast?” she heard Faith squeak as the nine-year-old rose to full consciousness.

“Blueberry paan-caaakes!” Mabel sang, leading her daughter from the room and leaving the teenagers to drag themselves out of bed.

“You up yet, Cassie?” she heard Ashwin call from his muffled place under some blankets and pillows.

“Workin’ on it,” she responded, staring blankly at the ceiling and trying to muster up the energy to move. “What time is it?”

She heard some thumps and flumps and general sounds of her cousin struggling to gain a good vantage point for his alarm clock.

“7:45,” he finally told her.

She sighed, that was a reasonable hour.

“We don’t have to get dressed or anything, right?” she asked, pulling herself into a sitting position, legs hanging over the side of the bed.

“I mean, it’s just breakfast,” Ashwin said. She could see him getting out of bed from this perspective.

They shuffled out to breakfast together, Ashwin more cheerful through the drowsiness than Cassandra.

“Hey, Cassie, how’re you this morning?” her dad asked, ruffling her hair as she walked by.

“Good,” she responded, plopping down at the kitchen table, surrounded by a mishmash of chairs to fit all seven of them around the table.

“How did you sleep?” he mom prodded.

“Fine,” she assured her.

“Sorry we sprung half the kid-population of Gravity Falls on you last night,” her dad added.

“Oh, yeah! Did you guys have fun?” Mabel asked, “Make any new friends?”

“Paul seemed nice,” Ashwin mentioned, “And the ‘enda’s were a lot of fun!”

“What about you, Cassie?” her Aunt prompted.

Cassandra just shrugged.

“She and Elowen hung out a lot,” Ashwin mentioned, “You know, Elowen Corduroy? Paul’s little sister? You guys were out back for a while, what’d you do?”

Cassandra’s mouth went dry for a moment. She remembered the words in the notebook: _TRUST NO ONE_.

“Just, you know, talked. About life and stuff,” Cassandra responded, hoping she sounded more honest than she felt.

“Well! Maybe you’ll see her again while you’re out today!”

Cassandra wished she wasn’t being thrown out into the world today. She wanted nothing more than to sit inside and read those notebooks front to back.

* * *

Ashwin unfolded a map, walking down the dirt road towards town.

“So Mom got us this map and she said it should have everything interesting in Gravity Falls on it! Oooh, look! And she wrote some notes on it! Looks like she recommends the mall, since it’s the biggest thing in town. Or The Shack, of course. Oh, good! There’s a ‘we are here’ sticker, too. I had no idea where we were!” he admitted through a laugh.

“Is there anywhere with toys? Or animals?” Faith asked, trying to grab the map from her brother.

“Hey, hang on! Mom gave it to me!” Ashwin retorted, holding it over her head as best he could as it kept unfolding out of his grip.

“Hey, Ash?” Cassandra piped up from behind the siblings, “Well, firstly, you’re gonna’ run into that tree.”

Ashwin let out a startled squawk as he stepped out of the way of the trunk at the last moment. She let him get his composure back, building up courage, and gripping Notebook 1 in her hand for reassurance.

“But, secondly: Ash, what if I told you I found some weird stuff in the woods? And The Shack?”

Her seriousness made him stop and turn to face her,

“Already?” he laughed, trying to raise the tone to somewhere a bit lighter, “I mean, what kind of weird?”

“This kind of weird,” she clarified, pulling out her phone and pulling up the camera roll with the picture of the weird, hairless monster.

“Yeesh!” Ashwin shuddered, “That thing is ugly!”

“Eeeew!” Faith squealed, “Lemme’ see it,”

“Yeah, it’s pretty gross and weird,” Cassandra agreed, holding the phone closer to Faith’s level. “but then it stepped on the vending machine keypad in just the right way, and the vending machine just _opened_ , like a door! That’s where I found these,” she added, holding up the notebook. “There’s two more. I haven’t really looked through those, though.

“It looks like some guy and his sister spent their summers here and found some really weird stuff. But this isn’t the first weird stuff he found! He talks about ‘last summer,’ but almost always says he’ll ‘save that for later’ or something. It’s really weird. Also please keep this a secret!” she added, remembering the ’TRUST NO ONE’ warning, “I’m not sure what our parents would do if they knew about this! I’m not super sure I was supposed to be down in that basement, anyway.”

“Safe with me,” Ashwin assured her, crossing his heart.

“Pinky swear!” Faith confirmed, holding out her little finger.

Cassandra smiled and locked her pinky in her cousin’s.

“Thanks, guys. The only other person who knows about this is Elowen, she was with me when we found all this last night.”

“Cool,” Ashwin accepted, starting to walk along again. “Let’s go to every spot we can, and whatever we don’t hit today, we’ll hit tomorrow, or the next day! First, let’s try the library,”

“Aw, the library is boring!” Faith whined, leaning into her grip on her brother’s arm.

“It’s not that boring,” Cassandra retorted, “besides, we’ll just walk in and look around for a second. Then we can go wherever the next place is on the map.”

“The History Museum.”

Faith groaned.

“OK, we’ll skip that one and come back. What’s after that?”

“The Cemetery.”

“OK, after tha-“ moments from tripping on the library steps, Cassandra ran smack into someone rushing from the library instead.

“Watch it!” the boy snapped, snatching up the binder he had dropped.

“S-sorry?” Cassandra offered, righting herself and picking up notebook 1.

Ashwin gasped,

“A person! Our first Gravity Falls resident!”

“Ashwin, like, a quarter of the-town-under-thirty came over to our cabin last night,” Cassandra pointed out.

“Well, sure, but Mom sent us out here to meet new people! This is a new people!” he declared, gesturing excitedly at the boy she’d run into. He was a squat little guy, with big glasses perched on his nose and a sort of calculating scowl. “Look! He even has a weird book like you! His binder cover has a shape with a number in it, your notebook has a shape with a number in it, what is happening here?” he prompted, gesturing enthusiastically between the two.

Cassandra sighed. Ashwin was right - if she didn’t ‘make a new friend’ before the day was out her aunt would never forgive her.

“I’m Cassandra Pines,” she offered, holding out a hand, “this guy is my cousin Ashwin, and his little sister Faith. We’re in town with our family for a while.”

“Mervin,” the boy responded curtly, giving her hand one shake and practically tossing it away. “I live here.”

“Oh, cool. Like, for a long time?” Cassandra prompted, “Do you know the Corduroys or anything?”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve seen those redheads around, but we’ve only lived here a year. I-“

“You wear gloves,” Faith noticed, hovering around the boy, “why do you wear gloves? Isn’t it hot? I mean it’s _summer_ ,”

“It- I think they’re fashionable,” Mervin responded.

“What’s in your binder?” Ashwin asked, eager to make as much small talk as humanly possible.

“Oh, well,” Mervin began, taking on an air of grandeur, “it’s old pages of a very mysterious book. They aren’t in their original binding, but I do have what I believe to be a copy of the cover,” he explained, giving the cousins a better look at his binder cover. It looked like the original book had been a sort of maroon color, a six fingered hand cut out of foil and pasted on the cover, the number 3 written on the hand. Cassandra had to admit to herself it was not entirely unlike the notebooks she had found - there were some thematic similarities.

“What’s in it?” Cassandra asked, a part of her wondering if the two books were related in any way.

“Well, a lot of different things,” Mervin boasted, “I think it was a journal of one of the earlier settlers in Gravity Falls. It’s mostly full of creatures and anomalies and cryptids, that sort of thing. I would say it was part of a large hoax, but there are a lot of stories circulating around here about strange events and creatures,” he noted, speaking as a resident expert and master storyteller.

“Have you ever heard of a small, hairless thing with big bug eyes that likes candy?” Cassandra piped up.

Mervin’s face fell, contorting into a sort of confused, disgusted look.

“What?”

“No?” Cassandra confirmed, “Never mind. Hey, if you see something cool or weird let me know, though, yeah?” she added, offering an awkward smile and tossing him a wave as she lead her cousins into the library.

“Nice meeting you!” Faith called.

Stepping into the library the trio caught a librarian’s eye, and she waved enthusiastically to them.

“You’re new in town!” she whispered once they were close enough to the desk, “What can the Gravity Falls Library do for you?”

“Oh, we’re just looking around,” Cassandra assured her. “we’re here with our families for a while.”

“Well, it’s just lovely to meet you. What did you say your names were?”

“Um, I’m Cassandra, and this is my-“

“I’m Ashwin! We’re cousins,” he explained, gesturing between himself and Cassandra, “this is my little sister, Faith.”

“Hi! I like your llama earrings!” Faith told the nice librarian in one of the louder whispers Cassandra had ever heard.

“Oh! Thank you,” the librarian smiled, “I love me a good wooly mammal! I’m Kathy McGucket, by the way, I know just about everything there is to know about this town, so if there’s anything I can do for you, just let me know.”

“Thanks,” Cassandra responded. As she stepped away she thought of something, and turned back, “you would’t know why a bunch of people would be having a 30-year reunion, would you?”

Kathy perked up a moment, thought, and responded:

“Well, that’s before my time,” she admitted, “never mind all that,” she concluded, waving it away, “anything else?”

“Not that leaps to mind,” Cassandra replied, “thank you, though.”

“Anytime,” Kathy smiled.

Cassandra was far more interested in the library than either of her cousins, and was quickly dragged from it’s walls and back into the town proper.

“Alright, let’s do something fun,” Ashwin concluded, not willing to suffer through his little sister’s whining, “there’s a pool, and a mini-golf course! Those have potential!”

“Mini-golf!” Faith cheered.

“Pines!”

Cassandra flinched as someone shouted at her. The cousins turned to see Mervin strutting up,

“Wanna’ see something cool?” he asked, standing proudly before them.

“Uh… sure?” Cassandra accepted, glancing at Ashwin, who offered only a shrug.

“But mini-golf!” Faith insisted.

“Will it take long?” Cassandra asked.

“Only if it _blows your mind_.”

“So… is that a yes? Or a no?” she prompted.

“Just- come on,” Mervin insisted, turning and gesturing them to follow. They followed him into the nearest patch of woods (never far away in Gravity Falls,) where they all stopped before a tall, old tree.

Pushing his glasses up on his nose Mervin explained himself,

“My research has led me to believe that the trees around here are often inhabited by spirits, unwilling to move onto the afterlife. Now, if I just recite this incantation,” he continued, flipping to a page in his binder and reading some maybe-latin words with great gusto. A breeze picked up out of seemingly nowhere, and the tree shuddered. As he finished the incantation the world went still again, and nothing had changed.

“Are you sure that wasn’t a wind-summoning, or-“ Cassandra offered, looking over his shoulder,

“No! It’s meant to summon spirits from the great beyond!” Mervin snapped, slamming the binder shut and starting to turn red in the face, “The whole book must’ve just been a hoax! An elaborate scheme by the idiots at the Mystery Shack-“

“Hey! Don’t you insult the Shack!” Cassandra barked, “Grunkle Soos is no idiot!”

“Well…” Ashwin shrugged.

“Can it, Ash! I’m trying to make a point!”

“Get over yourself, city girl!” Mervin retorted, “You think you’re so smart-“

“CITY girl? Who are you to talk?! You said you’ve only been here a year!”

“That’s a year longer than you-!”

“QUIET!” a voice boomed, shaking the ground. All four kids looked up to see the ethereal form of an old woman drifting from the tree.

“Hah!” Mervin barked, “I did it! See, smarty-pants? A spirit from the great beyond!”

“Who woke me?” the ghost demanded, glaring the children down.

The cousins all pointed to Mervin without hesitation.

“So it was you, was it?” she snarled, almost nose-to-ghostly-nose with Mervin, “Do you go around waking the elderly for fun, Mr.-“ she paused, “what’s your name?” she demanded.

Mervin simply stared, eyes like saucers.

“Marvin,” Cassandra told the ghost.

“Mervin!” he corrected her.

“Mervin,” Cassandra repeated, a little apologetically.

“ _Mervin_?” the ghost asked in mocking disbelief, “Lord, what were your parents thinking? Well, alright _Mervin_ , - no, you know what, I’m going to call you Merv - Merv, do you go around waking the elderly from their naps? Hmm?”

“I- I wanted to prove that-“

“Prove? Prove?! You go around waking ghosts just to prove something? Oh heavens, you must have some issues,” the spirit decided.

“M-ma’am?” Cassandra asked, “I’m very sorry that we woke you. You look lovely, by the way. Beauty sleep must do wonders. Also please don’t curse us.”

“Now this one,” the ghost continued, pointing a finger at Cassandra, “she has manners. Did anyone ever teach you manners, Merv? This young lady knows how to talk to an old woman who has been rudely awoken by a little snot-nosed brat like yourself. What’s your name, dearie?”

“C-Cassandra.”

“Well, Cassandra, you I like. You know what you’re doing. And then who are these other two?”

“I-I’m Ashwin,” Cassandra’s cousin offered, “and my little sister’s Faith.”

“Well you two seem lovely as well. All very well-adjusted children. Unlike Merv over here. I have half a mind to tell your parents about you! If they could see or hear me.”

“W-we’ll be happy to let you get back to your nap, Ms- Ms- um…” Cassandra trailed off, realizing she probably shouldn’t refer to her as ‘Ms. Ghost.’

“Sylvia, dear,” the ghost responded.

“Well, Ms. Sylvia, it’s been a pleasure to meet you, and again, I’m so sorry about Mervin, I don’t know why he thought this was a good idea-“

“Oh, don’t you worry your little head about it. Go on, have a nice day. And you know, it’s very boring in a tree, so just holler if you need an old ghost’s thoughts on anything. Exccept you, Merv. You can’t call.”

“Thank you, Ms. Sylvia,” Cassandra respond, feeling compelled to fake-curtsey before running off to get Faith to the mini-golf course.

“You could learn a thing or two from that young lady, Merv,” Sylvia noted, before sinking back into the tree trunk.

Mervin was left there to seethe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> L DLQ’W DIUDLG RI QR JKRVW  
> L’P WHUULILHG


	5. Chapter 5

Cassandra was sitting on her bed, absorbed in notebook 1 - this section was about a time the writer cloned himself using a copy machine in The Mystery Shack - when Faith burst into the room.

“Cassie?!” she hollered.

“I’m right here, Faith,” Cassandra acknowledged, not looking up.

“Cassie, have you seen Ash?”

“I thought he was with you?”

“We got separated in the woods. I thought he might’ve just come back here…”

“Wait, you got separated?” Cassandra echoed, shutting the notebook and going to stand at the edge of the loft.

“Yeah. I was looking at something, and then he was gone. I thought he just walked off without me.”

“That’s kinda’ weird,” Cassandra realized, pulling out her phone, “I’m gonna’ text him. If we don’t hear from him in half an hour we’ll go look for him. Why don’t you hang out with me for a while?”

“…OK,” Faith accepted, “can I read your notebooks with you?”

“Uh… sure, I guess,” Cassandra accepted, climbing down from the loft to sit on Faith’s bed with her, “it’s not super well written, but this section is on cloning…”

 

They hadn’t been waiting fifteen minutes when they heard the door downstairs. Both girls perked up, listening to see who it was. Faith scrabbled to the door and peeked out for better comprehension.

“It’s not Ashwin,” she quickly concluded, returning to sit next to Cassandra.

“Hang on,” Cassandra told her, heading to the door herself. She could hear bits and pieces of the conversation:

“Let me know if you hear anything.”

“Of course.”

“It sounds like Ms. Wendy,” Cassandra concluded, “I wonder what happened-?”

“What do you mean?” Faith asked as Cassandra sat back down.

“It sounded like something was wrong-“

A rap came on the bedroom door, and Abel swung it open without waiting for a response,

“Hey guys, you know Wendy’s son? Paul?”

“Yeah,” Cassandra replied.

“Nobody’s seen him since this morning. Keep an eye out, OK?”

“OK,” Cassandra agreed. “We’ll go see if Ash has seen anything.”

“Good,” her dad responded.

Once the door had closed behind him Cassandra stated,

“We need to find Ashwin.”

In a moment the two girls were heading out the back door, notebooks 1 and 2 in hand. Cassandra had left the third behind - the whole thing was written in code.

“OK, where were you when he wandered off?” Cassandra asked Faith. As her cousin led her into the woods Elowen came out of the woods,

“Cassandra!” she beamed, “Oh, man, I was looking for you! Well, OK, I was looking for my brother, but also you. Do you think it might be a weird forrest thing that took him?”

“Yeah, actually,” Cassandra admitted, “but mostly because Ashwin is missing, too.”

“Weird,” Elowen agreed.

“Come on, he was this way,” Faith insisted, moving on. The older girls followed behind her diligently. As they stepped into a clearing Faith went up to a particular tree and pointed to a particular crook in the branches, “there was rainbow hair right here, so I stopped to look at it, and then I realized Ashwin was gone!”

“Hm,” Cassandra grunted in consideration, looking around, “I mean, I don’t see anything weird-“

A twig snapped not too far away, and in an instant all three girls were huddled at a trio, backs to each other to keep anyone or anything from sneaking up.

“Well, well, well!” a voice gained their attention.

“Oh,” Elowen sighed, somewhere between disappointed and annoyed. “Mervin.”

“So you know him, too?” Cassandra asked, turning to face the squat little nerd as well.

“Yeah,” Elowen confirmed with a thick layer of distaste in her tone.

“What are ladies like yourselves doing out in the middle of the woods? Better be careful,” he added, “there’s been a bunch of disappearances today, and it’s not even 2:00.”

“As far as I’ve heard, they’ve all been guys,” Cassandra noted. “We’re looking for Ashiwn.”

“I, too, am on the lost persons trail!” Mervin assured them, “Three of my friends’ mothers have come asking at our house already.”

“You have friends?” Elowen asked in disbelief.

“All guys, I’m guessing?” Cassandra prompted.

“Well, yes, what does that have to do with anything?”

“I don’t know yet,” Cassandra admitted.

“Well, good luck, ladies. Don’t let the boogeyman get you!” he mocked, walking back into the woods.

“I know how to kill something with my bare hands,” Elowen noted, “he needs to get over himself.”

“He’s always that insufferable?” Cassandra asked.

“Oh yeah. He thinks that binder makes him a god or something-“

A shrill shriek rang through the woods, and Elowen bolted in the direction of the sound, Cassandra and Faith hot on her tail.

“the binder,” Elowen noted, skidding to a halt, “whatever it is got Mervin.”

“Well, at least he can scream,” Cassandra acknowledged. “OK, now what do we do?” she prompted, picking up the binder and observing her own hand placed in the six-fingered cut out - it seemed familiar somehow.

“All the victims are guys,” Elowen noted, to recap, “and go missing in the woods. What can we do with this information?”

“I don’t know,” Cassandra admitted, “I don’t think there’s anything about serial kidnappings in the notebooks. Maybe in the binder-” she realized, picking it up and leafing through the pages. They were all one-sided, old, yellowed pages copied onto basic white paper.

“Nah, Mervin knows that thing front to back. If it had information he would’ve known. You could dress up as a guy and get taken,” Elowen mused, “but that-“

“I like that idea,” Cassandra agreed, snapping the binder shut. “not to be weird, but how flat is my chest? Scale of one to ten?” she added.

“Well, one being a board, maybe a 3?”

“Cool. I need a baggy hoodie,” Cassandra concluded.

“What about your hair?” Elowen asked, “It’s pretty long.”

“And a hat. I’ll need a hat.”

 

 

The three girls burst into the Mystery Shack gift shop to find Gabby behind the counter.

“Gabby!” Cassandra blurted, rushing up, “Do you sell hats and hoodies?”

“Hoodies there,” she confirmed, gesturing to the back corner of the shop, “not a great seller this time of year, and hats,” she added, gesturing to a shelf of trucker caps in many colors with symbols emblazoned on the front.

“Cool, thanks,” Cassandra said, grabbing a hoodie and contemplating the hat options.

“Hey, is Stan around?” Elowen asked.

“Yeah, why?” Gabby responded.

“Hey, little doods, what are you doing here?” Soos asked, having just finished a tour.

“Hi Grunkle Soos!” Faith beamed.

“Hey, Faith! How’re you doing?”

“I’m good!” she grinned back.

“Trying to pick a hat, kiddo?” Soos asked Cassandra, looking over the options with her.

“Yeah, kinda’,” she admitted. She had thought it over extensively - the pink with the heart was way too feminine for her purposes, and not really her style anyway. The orange ‘Mystery Shack’ one way OK, and so were the red ‘Visit Gravity Falls’ one and the green one with a question mark. She wondered if the blue one with the tree was a little too heavy handed…

“I’d go with the blue one, if I were you,” Soos offered.

“Really?” Cassandra considered, “OK,” she agreed, grabbing it. “Hey, Grunkle Soos, if I was gonna’ use these once could I just, like, borrow them?” she asked, hesitant.

“Sure, dood. Bring it back without a scratch and you’re good.”

“Thanks,” she grinned, giving Soos a hug. “Come on, guys!” she called, bolting out of the store.

Behind The Shack she suited up,

“OK, so, I’m gonna’ hide my phone so who- or whatever it is can’t take it, and I’ll try to contact you as soon as I can. Geez, how does anybody wear a hoodie in summer?” she groaned, zipping up. “Crud, I don’t have a rubber band,” she noted.

“Here,” Elowen said, taking out her own ponytail, “use mine.”

“Thanks. OK, if you don’t hear from me in an hour, tell the parents what’s happening. But for now, just- I don’t know, hang out. Cool?”

“Cool,” Elowen agreed.

“Oh! And take care of the notebooks,” she added, handing them to Elowen. “those need to stay secret. Oh, and Mevin’s binder. You should take it back to his house, I guess,” reluctantly handing it over and trying not to think of all the mysteries she might be abandoning.

“You got it,” Elowen assured her.

 

 

Phone tucked in her sports bra, hoodie obscuring any curves she’d developed and ponytail stuffed under the hat, Cassandra paced the woods, occasionally blurting very un-helpful attempts at getting noticed:

“Boy, I sure am a guy, just, here in the woods! Ready to be kidnapped!”

And though it felt like forever, it was only about ten minutes later that remarkably large hands grabbed her, muffling her startled squeak and covering her eyes.

As she was rushed along she prayed that her hat wouldn’t fly off, and wondered if these people were on horseback, ‘cause it sure sounded a lot like hooves careening through the forrest. Without much care she was tossed into a cave, landing at the feet of two large beasts. Securing her hat she looked over the towering figures: one stood tall on hooves, hairy chest and head of a bull. The other was a bear, standing on two legs, with an astounding number of heads. Maybe this was the Multibear she’d read about-?

“The gall of this one,” the hoofed beast scoffed, “impersonating destructor!”

“I-impersonating-?” she realized how not-manly she probably sounded and cleared her throat, lowering an octave, “what do you mean?”

The beasts exchanged skeptical looks.

“At least this one isn’t boasting about ruling the forrest through knowledge,” the bear noted.

“Alright, boy,” the hoofed one bellowed, “you must face the hero’s challenge.”

“N-not to be rude, but, why?” she asked, careful to keep her voice low.

“We seek one able to resolve a dispute between the Manotaurs and Mulibears! Now you must know, boy, that many have faced this challenge before you and failed.”

He flourished, and two Manotaurs stepped aside to reveal most of the young male population of Gravity Falls stuffed in a cave, tied up. She caught Ashwin’s eye and he stared back, stunned.

“Why didn’t you let them go, then? I mean, they didn’t pass the test…?”

“Well, we didn’t want to have to worry about getting the same one twice,” the multibear explained with a shrug, “you know, cuts out all the confusion, makes it easier to get out of the way in a day, really streamlines the process.”

The Manotaurs grunted agreements.

“So… if I pass this test you would let them go?”

“Of course. Though you would need to stay until you resolve the dispute. Assuming you can perform this daunting task,” the Manotaur pointed out in an ominous tone. “MEN!” he bellowed, and Cassandra braced herself for the worst. A feat of strength? Intelligence? Pure wit? Brute force?

Synthesized instruments echoed through the cave, and Casandra’s jaw went slack in recognition.

“Sing, boy!” the Manotaur demanded, tossing her a karaoke microphone.

Cassandra didn’t hesitate - if her dad’s affinity for the 80s radio station had taught her anything, it was this.

“Disco girl! Comin’ through! That girl is you! Ooh-oooh, ooh-oooh!” she belted with gusto, “She’s a disco girl, she’s coming through! That girl is you! Ooh-oooh, ooh-oooh!” everyone in the cave stared in awe as she sang through the whole song with dramatic flair. “Yeah! Top 40 hits are hits for a reason!” she hollered, still pumped full of adrenaline as the track faded out.

“You must be the champion,” the multibear concluded.

“Really?” she half-laughed, “My dad’s been playing that all my life, man.”

The Manotaur and Multibear exchanged awestruck looks,

“Only one such man is so informed of BABBA,” the Multibear noted, awed.

In response the Manotaur burst out:

“Son of destructor!” eliciting a cheer from the other Manotaurs,

“Son of destructor!” they echoed back with enthusiasm.

“So, you’ll release everybody, right?” she prompted.

“Of course,” the Multibear confirmed.

Once untied, Ashwin ran over to his cousin and offered a high-five,

“Wait’a go, Cass!”

“Yeah, cool, thanks,” she brushed him off, accepting the high-five, “listen, Elowen and Faith are waiting for us, and I gotta’ stay here for a while, but hopefully I’ll be back by dinner. Let ‘em know, OK?”

“OK, cool,” he responded, “I got to spend an hour tied to Paul!”

“Congratulations,” Cassandra said, patting him on the arm, but her heart wasn’t in it. The dispute, whatever it was, wasn’t solved. “now go home and tell Elowen and Faith what’s up.”

“Of course!” he gasped with a realization, “I could go with Paul! Have I mentioned how attractive Paul is?” he added. Cassandra shot him a look. “Right, going home. Explaining what’s up. You got it,” he assured her, jogging off.

Mervin spluttered in disbelief upon recognizing her,

“But- but she’s a _girl_!”

“Any son of Destructor is man enough for us,” a Manotaur assured him, herding him out of the cave and back into the woods.

“Actually, he’s right,” Cassandra admitted, removing her hat, “my name’s Cassandra, I’m a girl. But I’m perfectly happy to help you out with your dispute!”

There was a hesitation in the cave, before the Multibear concluded:

“As wise and brave as her father.”

“Daughter of Destructor!” the Manotaurs chanted, “Daughter of Destructor!”

“Alright, Daughter of Destructor, the dispute is this:” the head Manotaur explained as the captives were herded back out into the woods, “he won’t stop badgering me about that hammer I borrowed last week!” he bemoaned, throwing a hand toward the Multibear, “It’s not like he needs it!”

“I don’t think you even have it anymore,” the Multibear scoffed, “you’ve said you’ll give it back ‘tomorrow’ two days in a row now.”

“I do too have it!” the Manotaur insisted, “I’m still using it!”

“For what?!”

“S-something important! None of your business!”

“Oh really? Are you sure about that, Mr. just-a-bite-of-your-sandwich-?!”

“GUYS!” Cassandra barked, “OK, so, let me get this straight: you kidnapped every guy between ages twelve and twenty-“

“Ten and nineteen, actually,” the Multibear quietly corrected her.

“Great, alright, so you did all this because you can’t be grown ups about a hammer?!”

The two beasts avoided eye contact.

“Manotaur guy,” she stated, pointing an accusing finger at the towering, hairy creature, “do you have Multibear’s hammer?”

He nodded.

“OK, then where is it?”

“On my workbench,” the Manotaur admitted.

“Can you go get it?”

“What? Why?”

“Go get it!” she demanded, before turning on the Multibear, “And you! If you’re so uncomfortable with him having it, why did you give it to him?”

“Well, I didn’t think he’d keep it so long.”

“Do you need it for something?”

“N-no,” he admitted, downcast, “not really.”

“Alright then. Oh good, you’re back,” she acknowledged as the Manotaur approached them again, “do you have the hammer?”

The Manotaur held it up for confirmation.

“Alrighty then,” she concluded. She noticed the Multibear reaching for it. “AH-AH!” she scolded, “Manotaur, are you still using it?” she asked.

He nodded in response.

“What for?”

“…I- I’m building a birdhouse for my niece,” he admitted with some hesitation, “but I broke the first one, so now I have to start over.”

“Then you can keep the hammer. But as soon as you’re done with it, give it back to the Multibear. And for peace of mind, you need to be able to show the Multibear where it is if he asks, so he knows you haven’t lost or broken it. Everybody happy?”

They both nodded, somewhat sheepish.

“Great! Let me know if there’s anymore trouble, OK?” she beamed, waving and turning to leave. As she strolled out of the cave the Multibear turned to the Manotaur,

“What’s the hold up on a birdhouse? I’ve made many of them. Do you need help-?”

“I- I just get really excited, sometimes, hammering things in, and then I sort of, well, it ends up breaking…”

 

 

Cassandra placed the hoodie and cap on the Mystery Shack counter in front of Aunt Melody that evening, making good on her deal.

“Oh! Where’d you get these?” Melody asked, beaming down at the girl.

“Grunkle Soos lent them to me to use this afternoon. I’m pretty sure they’re unscathed, so, yeah, here you go. He said I could return them later.”

“Alright, sounds good,” Melody responded. “though I bet he’d let you keep that hat, if you wanted.”

“Why?” Cassandra asked, quirking her face in confusion.

“Well, you’re his favorite niece,” Melody winked.

Cassandra snorted,

“Nuh-uh, I barely know him, and he likes everybody.”

“Maybe. But I’ll keep it here behind the counter, if you want it.”

“OK,” Cassandra accepted, shrugging it off as a weird adult thing. “thanks, Aunt Melody!”

“No problem, Cassie!” she smiled as Cassandra scampered out of the gift shop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QEB YFOAELRPB PEXII YB ABZLOXQBA TFQE FJXDBP LC SFZQLOFBP MXPQ  
> IFHB TEBK QEB JXKLQXROP YBXQ QEB RKFZLOKP XQ CLLPYXII


	6. Chapter 6

As she became aware of the sun filtering through her window Cassandra rolled over to check the clock: 8:19. They’d let them sleep in this morning. Or she’d slept like a log, either one. She pulled herself out of bed after a moment of staring blankly at the clock, and looked over the side of the loft to see if Ashwin was still asleep. She found her older cousin still curled up under the covers, but Faith’s bed was empty.

She stared down at Ashwin for a while, debating if and how to wake him up. Becoming bored with waiting she started to mutter “Aaashwiiiin…” raising her voice with each repetition. As called his name for the seventh time, raising above normal speaking volume she got discouraged and tromped down the loft’s ladder to get closer. As she stepped toward his bed a chunk of white among Faith’s pink sheets caught her eye.

Following her curiosity she found a piece of paper with a note scrawled across it in much nicer handwriting than a 9-year-old could muster.

 

_This girl is the new gnome queen!_

_Your family is so blessed._

_We apologize, but you are not invited to the wedding._

_\- The Gnomes_

_Second Glen, Magical Part Of The Forrest_

 

Cassandra stared at the parchment for a moment before blurting out,

“Ashwin?” remembering that he was asleep she whipped around to face his bed, “Ashwin!” she barked.

With a jolt and a gasp he sat bolt-upright in bed,

“What? Huh? What-Where?” he spluttered, head whipping around in startled confusion.

“Fath’s been taken by gnomes,” Cassandra told him, still not entirely recover from the surprise herself.

“Gnomes?!” he wailed, “Wait- gnomes?” he repeated in disbelief.

“Look!” she insisted, shoving the note under his nose.

He looked it over for a moment, wide-eyed, before looking up to stare at Cassandra the same way, a look of it’s-too-early-for-this-but-also-oH-MY-GOD?! across his face.

“What do we do?” Cassandra asked.

“Wh- you’re asking me?!” Ashwin spluttered, “You’re the one with the notebooks of weird stuff! You tell me!”

“The notebooks!” Cassandra realized, “Of course! They have an entry on gnomes!” she blurted, scrambling back up the ladder and fishing the first notebook out of her bag, “Woah,” she responded, reading through the first entry, “this guy’s sister was also gonna’ be the gnome queen! Except they put more effort into that one - like, six of them dressed up as a teenage boy and dated her for a little bit. Glitter-pen - his sister - says it was really weird.”

“OK, great,” Ashwin interjected, impatient, “what does it say about getting her back?!”

“Uuhhh….” Cassandra flipped through the handful of pages dedicated to gnomes, before running into a full page of blabbering about some unrelated girl, and turning back again. “It says their weakness is leaf blowers?” she offered.

Ashwin looked up at her with disbelief, disappointment, impatience, and annoyance all rolled up into one expression. Though mostly annoyance.

“What? That’s all I’ve got!” Cassandra insisted.

“Now what?” Ashwin demanded, “Does the stupid book even tell us where ’The Magical Part Of The Forrest’ is?!”

“…No,” Cassandra had to admit. “But- but I bet we could find it!” she assured him as he started to fume, “We’ll see if Grunkle Soos knows anything! He’s lived here his whole life. And if he doesn’t, there’s always the Corduroys,”

“Aright, let’s go!” Ashwin concluded, stepping towards the door.

“Clothes,” Cassandra reminded him, “we really shouldn’t hunt gnomes in our pajamas.”

“…Right,” he acknowledged after a moment’s hesitation.

After hastily getting dressed the two teens rushed down to get some breakfast, grabbing protein bars out of the pantry as their parents looked on.

“You two are in a rush,” Mabel noted,

“Yep!” Cassandra blurted, “There’s just so much to do out in the world!” she insisted, a nervous laugh sneaking out, “So many people to see, you know. So much. Gotta’ get an early start!”

“Well it’s good to see you up at a reasonable hour,” Mabel smiled. “Where’s your sister?” she asked Ashwin.

Ashwin froze up without an answer.

“She’s fine, no worries, gotta’ go!” Cassandra insisted, grabbing her cousin’s arm and yanking him out the front door.

“That was terrible cover!” Ashwin hissed as they jogged toward The Shack, “Now they’re sure to look into it!”

“It’s the best I could do on short notice,” Cassandra retorted, “We just have to find her before they start looking.”

Ashwin made an exasperated noise as he chased after her.

 

* * *

 

As the door clacked shut behind Cassandra and Ashwin Mabel and Abel exchanged looks and Mabel headed for the kids’ room.

“Faith?” she asked, opening the door with hesitation, “You in here?” as she stepped into the room she didn’t see any sign of the perky nine-year-old, even going to the trouble to check up in the loft.

“Mabel,” her brother grabbed her attention, having found a scrap of paper. Without further explanation he handed it to her, and Mabel broke out in laughter.

“Gnome queen? Oh no,” she chuckled, “runs in the family, I guess. We’re too beautiful to resist,” she decided, taking on a pose of assumed elegance.

“Should we do something?” Abel prompted.

Mabel mulled it over,

“I think they might be pretty capable,” she admitted, “I mean, with Cassie’s brains and Ashwin’s compassion, they’re probably covered.”

“…you think your daughter is _safe_?”

“Pssh!” Mabel waved the comment away, “The gnomes aren’t that bad! Until you make them angry. But by then it’ll be a pretty fair fight: three humans agains the weird gnome hive-mind. They’ll be fine. There’s nowhere a Pines is safer than the woods of Gravity Falls.”

“You really think so?” Abel prompted, “I mean, I know Cassie has my notebooks, but…”

“I mean, we could track them if that would make you fell better,“ Mabel offered.

“Everything OK?” her husband asked, poking his head in the room.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” she assured him, “Faith’s just playing a little game.”

“Oh. So, where is she?”

“Playing hide and seek out in the woods. Abel and I’ll go find her.”

“You’re sure?” he asked.

“Yes! We’ll be back before lunch,” Mabel assured him with a kiss on the cheek.

 

* * *

 

Bursting into The Mystery Shack Cassandra and Ashwin zeroed in on the college student behind the counter in the green question mark shirt.

“Gabby!” Cassandra blurted, “Where’s Grunkle Soos?”

“Sorry, Cass, he and Mom go out for breakfast on Tuesdays,” Stan Ramirez commented, stocking shelves with his dad’s fez perched on his head.

“Is your name Gabby?” his sister retorted.

“Maybe you can help us, then!” Ashwin prompted, “Do you know how to get to The Magical Part Of The Forrest?”

“Hm,” Gabby considered, “yeah, probably. You got an area map?” she asked Stan.

“You mean one of these?” he offered, tossing a roll of laminated paper to her.

“Yeah,” she confirmed, unrolling the map, “OK, so we sell these to tourists as a general map of the area - see, there’s the museum, town hall, all that - but it has a vague map of the weird stuff, too. We laugh it off with tourists as fake, just a dumb ploy to drum up business and all that, but it’s pretty accurate. Look,” she tilted the map in the light, and some more matte spots on the laminate pointed out locations like ‘DANGER: Manotaur Caves!’ and ‘Floating Head Island,’ but most importantly:

“The Magical Part Of The Forrest!” Ashwin blurted.

“Yep. It’s kinda’ in the heart of this section of woods here,” Gabby pointed out, “I don’t think I’ve ever been, but I’m told you know it when you find it.”

“Thanks, Gabby!” Ashwin beamed, bolting from The Shack.

‘We owe you one,” Cassandra assured her.

“Here, take a shovel,” Stan told Cassandra, tossing her one from a back corner, “it’s amazing what you can do with a shovel.”

“Like kill zombies! And take your hat!” Gabby added, tossing the blue and white trucker hat to her, “To keep the hair out of your eyes.”

“…OK?” Cassandra shrugged, donning the hat and following her cousin.

“You ready?” Ashwin asked her, as she joined him at the forrest’s edge.

“I guess,” she accepted, “they gave me a shovel,” she added, offering it to him.

Before the cousins could step off the dirt-and-gravel road that lead into The Shack, and into the mysterious Gravity Falls woods, the roar of an engine gained their attention. The all-terrain vehicle pulled up beside them, the driver lifting up her sunglasses,

“Hey, Pines-lings, what’s shakin’?” Brenda asked with a grin. The Fundshauser twins, Jenda and Kenda, waved from the backseat.

“N-not much,” Cassandra stuttered on instinct.

“Faith was taken by gnomes,” Ashwin blurted.

There was a silence before Kenda piped up,

“Can we help?”

“Uuuhhh….” Cassandra hesitated. Ashwin seriously considered the offer,

“Heck yeah!” Brenda agreed, “You guys need a ride?”

“Yes!” Ashwin accepted, “We even have a map to The Magical Part Of The Forrest!”

“Hop in, kids! Let’s go punt some gnomes!” Gabby hollered with gusto as the cousins buckled in.

 

* * *

 

Abel and Mabel watched the all-terrain vehicle barrel off into the woods from around a corner of The Mystery Shack.

“Were those-?”

“Some of Grenda’s girls,” Mabel confirmed, “they’re in good hands.”

“Really?” Abel prompted again.

“Sure! Their mother fought unicorns with me, I think they’re more than capable. It’s in their blood!”

“Aren’t they adopted…?”

“Alright, it’s in their upbringing,” Mabel clarified. “they’ll be fine.”

“Mr. Pines?”

The twins jumped at Stan Ramirez’ remark. The twenty-something was leaning out a window, watching the adults with interest.

“Jeez, Stanley, don’t so that,” Abel sighed. He always called the kid ‘Stanley’; ’Stan’ was reserved for the original Mr. Mystery for whom he was named.

“Sorry. What’re you two up to? Ashwin and Cassie just went on a gnome hunt, you know.”

“I heard!” Mabel beamed, “Did you set ‘em up with everything they’d need?”

“Gave ‘em a map and a shovel,” he explained with a shrug.

“And a hat!” Gabby called from inside.

“Oh yeah, and the cap that Dad gave Cassie,” Stan confirmed.

“Why do they need that?” Abel asked.

Stan shrugged again,

“Dad insists on giving to her. It’s one of the blue ones, with the pine tree on it?”

Abel chuckled,

“Of course he did.”

“They’ll be fine, Mr. Pines,” Stan assured him.

“Thanks, Stanly,” Abel responded, “and Mr. Pines is my Grunkle! Jeez,” he shook his head.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Mabel grinned, elbowing him in the ribs, “You’re more like the old man every day!”

“Don’t say that!” he insisted through a laugh, following his sister into the woods.

 

* * *

 

Cassandra held onto her hat for dear life, bouncing along as the all-terrain vehicle careened through the forrest.

“Is this safe?!” she hollered from the back - Ashwin was serving as navigator in shotgun.

“Sure!” Brenda barked back, “Why not?”

“I’m pretty sure we’ve bumped about twenty trees so far!” Cassandra responded. The car jolted as the tail end smacked into another trunk, “Twenty-one,” she corrected.

“It’ll be fine!” Brenda assured her, “I’m sure we’ll get there!”

As if on cue, they ground to a halt; the forrest around them seemed to be all that much greener, and light refracted magically around the trees and grass and _everything_.

As they all stared around in awe and curiosity, two flickers of light started to play around them, and it was finally Jenda who drew attention to them,

“Woah, a fairy!” she breathed.

“I’m a PIXIE,” the tiny, glowing being corrected her as all eyes turned to them, “There’s a big difference.”

“Oh, sorry,” she squeaked.

“We’re Flotsam and Jetsam,” another pixie explained, fluttering up beside their comrade, “That’s Flotsam, I’m Jetsam. Are you lost, travelers?”

“We’re looking for the gnomes,” Ashwin told them, “you know where they live?”

The pixies scoffed,

“Do we know where the- of course we know where the gnomes live!” Jetsam assured them, perching on Brenda’s shoulder, “go that way,” Jetsam told her, “we’ll be there in no time.”

Flotsam settled on Ashwin’s shoulder, and they set off.

“So, you guys live here in the forrest?” Cassandra asked the pixies.

“You bet, hon,” Flotsam responded.

“Have you lived here a long time?”

“We have a lifespan of about fifteen years, sweetheart, you tell me,” Flotsam told her, a bitterness in his tone.

“What is the difference between pixies and fairies, anyway?” Cassandra prompted.

“Turn left,” Jetsam commanded. “OK, now right, mm-hm. Another right. Wait, no, your other right- no, no, never mind keep going this way.”

“It’s really just up ahead,” Flotsam chimed in, “no more than five minutes, really. It just feels like a long time because-“

“WOAH!” Brenda yelped, the car screeching to a halt barely a foot before it hit a unicorn, standing directly in their way, staring them down with a look stronger than steel and colder than ice. The humans could find no words, and the pixies dared not speak.

“Flotsam, Jetsam,” the unicorn demanded, in a voice far lower and reminiscent of New Jersey than Cassandra ever would have guessed, “what do you think you’re doing?”

“H-helping some weary travelers…?” Jetsam offered weakly.

The unicorn’s eyebrow shot up with the power of a thousand skeptics,

“You’re ‘helping’ them, you say?”

“Yeah, Phil, we’re helping them, honest!” Jetsam assured the magical equine.

“You know us,” Flotsam joined in, “would we lie to you?”

Jetsam jabbed Flotsam in the gut with their elbow and gave the other pixie a meaningful look.

“I do know you,” Phil assured them, “and I know your game. Where are you trying to get to?” he asked Brenda.

“We- we’re looking for the gnomes,” she explained, still barely able to comprehend that she was speaking to a unicorn. Her inner nine year old was ecstatic. The actual nine-year-olds in the back seat were still slack-jawed in awe, wonder and disbelief.

“The gnomes?! Oh, jeez, you guys. Get out, come on,” Phil insisted. As the humans began to comply, he had to clarify, “No, no, not you guys. Flotsam, Jetsam, shoo. You have better things to do than mislead humans.”

“We really don’t,” Flotsam admitted.

Phil only glared back at them as they flitted away.

“A’right kids, this way,” Phil said, turning and starting to walk back the way they came, “unicorns may be jerks, but we just want to be left alone to be jerks in peace - nothing personal.”

“You’re a unicorn,” Cassandra breathed, staring intently at their new guide as the all-terrain vehicle creeped along at the unicorn’s pace.

“How astute.”

“So, have you lived here long?”

“Long enough to know that hat,” Phil responded, “and that the star on that guy’s shirt is no accident,” the little shooting-star logo on Ashwin’s favorite button-up shirt was illuminated by magic, and he joined the conversation.

“But, that’s just the clothing company’s logo,” he explained. He’d worn that shirt over t-shirts often since he’d gotten it - usually open-faced, with the sleeves rolled up in warmer weather - but had never thought much of it.

“So maybe it’s a coincidence, but news travels fast. You’re the Pines’ kids.”

“How did you know that?” Cassandra breathed.

“You’re kidding, right? You think none of the creatures in the forrest ever talk? You think we don’t know when the Pines are back in town?”

“But why? What’s so special about our family?” Cassandra asked.

“They’ve done a lot around here,” was all Phil said before noting, “here ya’ go, the gnomes live right down there. Now, if y’all ever go looking for unicorn hair or something-“ he hesitated, “Well, I was gonna’ say leave us the heck alone, but then I remembered how hard your mom punched me in the face, and you know what? You need unicorns, come askin’ for Phil, I’ll hook you up.”

“Thanks,” Cassandra managed, as he pranced back into the woods without another word. “Crud!” she realized, “I should’ve taken a picture for Faith.”

“I think Faith would rather we save her,” Ashwin commented, hopping out of the car.

“We ready for this?” Cassandra asked, grabbing the shovel out of the back.

“You bet your butt,” Brenda assured them.

“Yeah!” the Fundshauser twins cheered.

“Alright then,” Cassandra concluded, “let’s go fight some gnomes.”

The group slid down an incline and sure enough, there were plenty of gnomes to be found, and right in the middle, was Faith. Sitting on a lawn chair.

“OK, but what’s the catch?” she asked the gnome beside her, standing on a stump to reach her eye-level, even when she was seated.

“No catch, no catch,” he assured her, “you can rule over a good chunk - I think it’s about a third - of the magical forrest, you can have all the food you want, I bet I can even get you a unicorn-“

“Faith!” Ashwin hollered, running up to his little sister.

“Ash!” she responded, letting him lift her off the ground in a hug.

“Faith, are you OK?”

“I guess,” Faith shrugged.

“Hey, woah, hey, didn’t the note explicitly say that you were not invited to the wedding?” the gnome she’d been talking to barked, shuffling up to Ashwin, his pointy hat barely clearing the teen’s kneecap.

“Wedding?!” Faith squeaked, still in Ashwin’s arms. She dropped to the ground and turned on her ‘suitor,’ “What wedding?!”

“Ah, that. See, OK, all that power sort of comes with the whole ‘queen of the gnomes’ thing, which means we’d get married-“

“EEW!” Faith shrieked, “No! No way, uh-un! No! No! No!”

“Aw, come on! I thought we had a good thing going here,”

“Never!” Faith hollered, and a cheer erupted from her friends and family behind her.

“Well, then I guess there’s only one thing to do,” the gnome sighed.

Cassandra brandished the shovel in apprehension, and the whole group took on fighting stances.

“We’ll have to let her go,” the gnome concluded.

“Really?” Faith respond.

“Oh yeah, of course,” he assured her.

The group let out a collective sigh of relief.

“…Of course we’ll take one of those other girls in exchange.”

“WHAT?!” the whole group hollered.

“Well I mean, yeah. If you aren’t planning on cooperating we’ll have to chase you down and force one of you to marry into the gnome kingdom anyway.”

“TO THE JEEP!” Brenda commanded, and the whole group sprinted for the car, piling in as Brenda turned the key and it growled into life. As they sped away the whole backseat crew turned to see if the gnomes would follow.

Yes, they would.

And it would look like a blanket of gnomes across the dirt road.

“Uuuh, Brenda?” Cassandra called, watching a wave of gnomes building up, “This is a lot of gnomes!”

“Should I try to lose ‘em?” Brenda called back from the driver’s seat.

“I’m not sure you could,” Cassandra told her.

“Oh yeah? Hang on!” she hollered, careening off the path and hurtling through the woods again. The gnomes followed, swarming over trees and rocks and _anything_. Cassandra wondered how gnomes could move that fast, even on all fours.

“We gotta’ use the shovel,” Ashwin decided, now watching a new gnome-wave grow, along with everyone but the driver. As the wave broke over them Cassandra swing the shovel like a tennis racket, taking out a handful of gnomes, and some fell away as they sped on, but some tumbled into the backseat, to the shrieks and punches of all the girls. With a few hard hits those fell away, but another wave was already building.

“There’s too many,” Cassandra said to Ashwin, “I get, like, five with the shovel. Out of a wave of fifty, that’s not enough!”

“Wait, what’s that?” Faith asked, tugging something from the pile of cargo in the back. With some effort she lifted it up, and Cassandra stared,

“It’s a leaf-blower,” she realized, “how did that-?”

“Who cares?!” Ashwin barked, “Crank it, Faith!”

The cordless yard tool roared to life, blowing back the closest gnomes.

“Suck one up and shoot it into the wave!” Cassandra told her cousin as she took out another handful with the shovel.

As another wave built, Faith zeroed in on one of the few gnomes still scrabbling around the car and sucked it into the blower’s nozzle. She aimed carefully at the heart of the wave, and as it reached it’s peak-

**_FOOM_ **

With a squeal the gnome was shot from the leaf blower, dissolving the wave as it broke through.

Cries of “Leaf blower!” rang through the gnome ranks and they stopped in their tracks, disappearing from view as the Jeep took a hard turn. Laughter broke out among the passengers at the realization that they had just fought an army of gnomes - _and won_. But Cassandra suddenly winced in pain; apparently a gnome bite had broken the skin.

“Oh, jeez,” Brenda responded, noticing the blood, “Ash, grab the bandaids and the ice pack out of the glove box.”

“Bandaids I get,” Cassandra acknowledged, accepting the bundle, “but an ice pack?”

“Always have one in case of emergencies!” Brenda told her.

“Cool,” Cassandra acknowledged, tending to her wounds.

 

* * *

 

Jeff hollered frantically, trying to regain control over the gnome masses; why did this always happen? Why couldn’t they keep it together?! He fell silent as a tall shadow grew over him. He whirled around to find a woman that was almost familiar, but he couldn’t quite place her-

“Jeff,” she barked, “do you want to explain yourself, or do you want me to drop-kick you into the lake?”

“Uh, be-beg pardon?” he responded

“You kidnap my daughter, you attack my son, my niece, a bunch of children-!”

“OK, I know I know you from somewhere,” he noted with a nervous laugh as she lifted him up to glare at him at eye level, “but I just can’t place you. Were you ever a mythical creature? Did you, like, fall in love and turn human or something, or…?”

“Jeff, I swear to god-“

“I say drop-kick him,” her brother commented from behind her, grinning at Mabel’s fury. Once the gnome caught sight of the birthmark under her brother’s hairline it clicked -

“Mabel! Oh, man, that was your daughter?” he responded, trying to brush it off, “Wow! Small world! How ya’ been?”

“You come near my family again, or I ever get wind of you kidnapping another child, you will be spending the rest of your days as an exotic pet, you understand?”

“P-perfectly!” he assured her. He was grateful when she finally put him down, tossing an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture at him before striding back off into the woods.

“See you ‘round, Jeff,” Abel added, following his sister, “she means it, too.”

 

* * *

 

Cassandra dropped the shovel and the leaf blower onto The Mystery Shack counter, tossing the hat on as an afterthought.

“Woah, where’d you get the leaf blower?” Gabby asked, looking up from her phone.

“I just assumed you’d tossed it in the back and we forgot, or didn’t notice, or something,” Cassandra responded, “I mean, it’s got ‘Mystery Shack’ written on it in sharpie.”

“No, yeah, it’s ours,” Gabby confirmed, “I just don’t know how you got it. But, you know, whatever. Weird stuff happens around here. All’s well that ends well.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she assured her, “go on home. Get some Lunch. Tell your sister we’re glad she’s OK.”

Cassandra nodded, heading for the door.

“Oh, and take this hat, for pete’s sake,” Gabby added, brandishing the tucker hat.

“What?”

“The hat, it’s yours.”

“But I didn’t buy it?”

“Just take the darn thing!” she insisted, tossing it to Cassandra, who ducked awkwardly, but caught it.

“Oh, OK, um, thanks, I guess?”

“No, thank you,” Gabby assured her, “now Dad’ll stop hounding us about it.”

Twirling the hat absently around, she headed out of The Shack and back to the cabin.

It had been a long morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WKH SLQHV’ VDSOLQJ LV JURZLQJ WDOOHU  
> MXVW KRZ VWURQJOB GRHV PBVWHUB FDOO KHU?
> 
> (Also, for the sake of the guest reader who asked - Wendy kept her last name through her family's history and impact in Gravity Falls. This either gave her enough leverage to keep the Corduroy name, or the entire town just still calls her family the Corduroys, even if they legally have her husband's last name.)


	7. Hvevm hgvkh yzxp

The Corduroy living room was full of various lounging children, their eyes glued to the TV screen. Paul had the distinction of being the oldest, and had laid claim to the armchair; Ashwin, Cassandra, and Elowen were all smooshed onto the couch, Ashwin on the arm closest to Paul, Cassandra in the middle, and Elowen leaning on the other arm. Danny and Faith were sprawled out on the floor. A melodramatic shriek rent the air of the living room and Elowen snorted,

“What a close up,”

“Dude, we did not see her that close,” Cassandra agreed.

It had been a good idea to take a day to just relax and watch stupid, old horror movies. Cassandra at least was glad for the break from monster hunting - not only did she have more time to read through the two notebooks that weren’t coded, but she wasn’t sure her nerdy, un-athletic self was really able to chase things around the woods every single day they were in town.

“You’ve been texting for a while,” Ashwin noted, leaning closer to Paul, “what’s up?”

Cassandra shot him a skeptical look laced with ‘seriously, dude? How desperate are you?’ that he quickly shrugged off as Paul responded,

“Oh, it’s just Lilith.”

“W-who’s Lilith?” Ashwin asked, heart sinking a little. She was probably a girlfriend.

“Oh, yeah, y’all don’t live here. Lilith is the Valentinos’ kid. She wears dark clothes and her hair’s usually dyed a wacky color, maybe you’ve seen her around?”

“Maybe,” Ashwin said, not willing to really do a mental inventory of all the people he’d seen in Gravity Falls when he could pay attention to Paul instead.

“We’ve known each other forever, so she sort of falls back on me when her other friend resources are depleted. Apparently most of her good friends kinda’ backstabbed her today. Though they might just be slow to answer texts,” he added, actually making eye contact for a second to Ashwin’s delight. “it can take a while to reassure her.”

Ashwin sat in silence for a moment, and though he almost decided against it, he asked,

“So, are you guys, like, a- a couple, or a thing, or- or, like, together, or anything?”

Paul chuckled,

“Nah,”

 _Please say you like guys instead,_ Ashwin’s inner monologue prayed.

“we’ve known each other for so long, and apparently I’m not ‘her type’,” Paul explained.

“He sure is your type,” Cassandra muttered.

Ashwin elbowed her, thankful her comment was covered by another shriek from the woman onscreen, chased by Planet People from Planet Planet.

“I almost think the 90s remake is worse,” Elowen noted.

“Yeah, it makes even less sense,” Cassandra agreed. “the director clearly had some weird artistic vision that just really, really doesn’t pan out.”

“The heart’s just gone,” Elowen agreed.

“You guuyys!” Faith whined, “Sshhh!!”

A few sorrys were muttered from the couch as they settled in for the stirring conclusion.

 

* * *

 

Walking away from the Corduroy house in the fading light filtered through the trees Cassandra turned to Ashwin,

“Dude, you need to cool it.”

“What?” he responded,

“You gotta’ calm down about Paul. He’s almost technically an adult.”

“Wh- he’s just two years older than me!”

“Which is still a big gap right now. He’ll be a senior when he goes back to school. You think he gives you a second thought? I mean, other than as a chill friend of his sister?”

“I can live with that,” Ashwin assured her.

“You aren’t acting like it,” she muttered.

“Do you have to talk about how Ash has the hots for Danny’s brother?” Faith groaned, “Can’t we talk about something else?”

“Comin’ through, short-stuff,” someone muttered, brushing past Ashwin, trying to hide their face in a hoodie.

All three cousins turned to watch them go, and Faith, who got the best look at them from her low vantage point, called after them:

“I like your hair!”

Caught off guard by the compliment, they turned back to look at the kids,

“Th-thanks,” Lilith managed, accidentally giving them a brief glimpse of her red, slightly teary face and pink-and-purple gradient hair concealed under her balk hoodie, before quickly turning away. A red, heart-shaped pendant caught Cassandra’s eye - the only bit of color dangling over her all-black ensemble.

“I guess that’s Lilith,” Cassandra mumbled.

“Hope she’s OK,” Faith said.

“Probably going to cry on Paul’s shoulder,” Ashwin grumbled.

“Dude, now is not the time to be jealous,” Cassandra chided him, “looks like she’s had a bad day.”

Ashwin only offered a grunt in response.

“Cassandra Pines!”

The cousins jumped back as someone jumped out of the woods in front of them.

“Speaking of bad days,” Cassandra muttered, face dropping from one of surprise to one of annoyance, “what’s up, Mervin?”

“I’m glad you asked! C’mere, I got something to show you!”

“Dude, I’ve actually been enjoying not running panicked through the forrest, and I’m actually kinda’ tired and hungry and want to go home and eat some pizza or something. Can’t it wait?”

“I- it- Wh- I guess it-“

“Great,” she responded, walking past him, “get back to me later, man. Like, tomorrow morning or something.”

As the trio walked away, Mervin muttered to himself,

“Oh, you’ll see sooner than that.”

 

* * *

 

It was midnight, about five hours later, when Ashwin shook Cassandra awake.

“He’s out there,” Ashwin told her as she sat up, confused and only part-ways conscious.

“What?”

“He’s literally throwing rocks.”

“Who?!” Cassandra asked, trying to get her wits about her, not to mention get her hands on some pajama pants.

“Mervin,” Ashwin clarified with disgust.

“…Mervin’s throwing rocks at our window? How does he even know where we’re staying?”

“You ask him! I’m not justifying him with an answer.”

A clack of rock on glass gained their attention.

Cassandra groaned, tugging on some pants and begrudgingly stepping down the ladder. She opened the window and glared down at the boy.

“What?” she asked him curtly.

“You gotta see this!” he insisted, as if their earlier conversation had not been over for several hours.

“See what, Mervin?” Cassandra humored him, unimpressed. “Because chances are, it can wait.”

“I rose the dead!” he boasted, beaming smugly up at her.

“You what?” Cassandra asked, a seed of fear growing in her stomach.

“I rose - raised? What’s the proper past tense? - anyway, there’s zombies walking around now. Isn’t that cool?”

Cassandra was speechless for a moment, none of the multitudes of problems crossing her mind actually making it out of her mouth.

“No!” she finally managed to splutter, “It is not cool! Zombies? Like, actual, living zombies?!”

“Well, technically they’re undead, but-“

With an exasperated, slightly terrified squeak, Cassandra ducked back into the room,

“Did he say zombies?” Ashwin asked.

“Yes,” Cassandra confirmed, “and now we have to go stop them from taking over the town.”

“How do you know that?” he asked as she scrambled back up into the loft, “You don’t know they’re trying to take over the town!”

After a moment of shuffling she practically slid back down the ladder, bag over her shoulder, having replaced her pajama pants with jeans and thrown a hoodie over her pajama shirt.

“That’s not a chance I’m willing to take,” she told him. “Are you coming?”

“I- I guess,” he accepted.

“Great, get some pants on,” she told him, looking the other way and checking her bag. Water, phone charger, flashlight, pencils, pen, _personal_ notebook- “Crud,” she snapped.

“What?” Ashwin prompted, only partway into his pair of jeans.

“I left the notebooks at Elowen’s house.”

“Crud,” Ashwin agreed, fastening his belt and walking over beside her, “I guess we gotta’ go get ‘em.”

“I’m almost positive I read something about zombies,” Cassandra told him.

“Then let’s go!” Faith interjected, standing beside them fully dressed.

The two teenagers stared at her for a moment, having almost forgotten she was there, and considering the pros and cons of bringing a nine-year-old on a zombie hunt.

“Oh, what the heck,” Cassandra concluded. “Mervin!” she hissed back out the window, “We are coming down there, and don’t you for an instant think this was a good idea! It wasn’t! And if you made this up just to get us out of bed, I swear to god!” with that, Cassandra walked back over to her cousins. “OK,” she sighed, “we gotta’ be really, really quiet.”

It took several minutes for the kids to creep as silently as possible through the cabin, most careful to avoid any noise the closer they were to their sleeping parents. After shutting the back door as carefully and quietly as she could possibly manage, Cassandra let out a sigh of relief, and wheeled on Mervin, waiting eagerly a few feet away.

“MERVIN!” she hissed, storming up to him, “What’s the bright idea, huh?! Who thinks it’s a good idea to summon the undead?!”

“Well, I mean, it’s in the book,” he pointed out, showing her the exact pages under a flashlight he’d brought.

Cassandra scanned the page, gaze settling on a particular section:

“No known weaknesses?!” she read aloud, “You summoned a creature that _eats human flesh_ and has NO KNOWN _WEAKNESSES_?!”

Mervin thought it over for a second.

“Yes,” he finally concluded.

Cassandra made an exasperated noise akin to an unholy combination of an exclamation, a grunt, a shriek, and a groan.

She took a deep breath.

“OK. So this is where we are,” she told herself, trying to regain her composure, “we need to get to Elowen’s, stat.”

“Why do we need Elowen?” Mervin asked, a bit taken aback.

“The notebooks are at her house,” Cassandra explained, already heading that way.

“But we have a comprehensive study of The Falls right here!” Mervin insisted, brandishing his binder.

“No, we don’t,” Cassandra snapped, “we have a photocopied hodgepodge of a really old account of The Falls that doesn’t even have a weakness for this thing you were dumb enough to summon!”

Mervin fell silent, his attempts to prove his mastery of Gravity Falls’ Mysteries failing miserably. No one dared cross the angry, tired teenager as Cassandra stomped through the woods toward the Corduroys’ house.

She stopped in front of the old cabin, however, trying to think through how to go about getting the notebooks out of someone else’s house at 12:08 in the morning.

“What’s up?” Ashwin asked, stepping up beside her.

“How do we get in?” Cassandra put forward. Ashwin thought it over too,

“We could wake ‘em up,” he offered.

“But we don’t even know whose room is whose!” Cassandra pointed out, brandishing the flashlight at the house, “How would we ever-?”

A twig snapped behind them, and the kids spun around, shining the flashlight frantically through the trees. The light hit something, and it groaned.

Cassandra squeaked in terror,

“Oh, see, there’s one,” Mervin pointed out, “cool, huh?”

Cassandra let out a whimper of exasperation before dragging her cousins to get their backs to the Corduroy’s house.

The zombie growled again, louder.

“Oh god, what do we even do?” Cassandra asked no one in particular.

“Run?” Ashwin offered.

“But- the notebooks-“

“Our survival wins,” he pointed out.

“Right,” she agreed, turning to run, and noticing the glint of another zombie’s eyes. “Oh no-“ they turned to the other side, and found another zombie, closer this time. Cassandra let out a long breath as the zombies crept closer, “I think we might be screwed,” she mentioned, trying fruitlessly to back even closer to the house and away from the staggering, growling, groaning, undead.

With the bang of a door and the crack of a shovel hitting undead flesh and bone, Elowen was there, standing over a toppled zombie,

“C’mon,” she ordered, grabbing Cassandra’s hand. Cassandra instinctively grabbed Ashwin, Ashwin grabbed Faith, and Mervin was left to scramble after them.

“Here,” she added, tossing the notebooks to Cassandra as they ran into the woods.

“Thanks. This is familiar,” Cassandra noted, racing along beside Elowen like she had her first night in The Falls.

“Yeah, sure,” Elowen gasped back, “except last time we were chasing a harmless, hairless weird-thing, this time we’re running from zombies,”

“Yeah,” Cassandra accepted, “you can thank Mervin for that.”

“Mervin?!” Elowen hollered, skidding to a halt, “This is your fault?!”

Mervin winced back at the threat of the girl brandishing a shovel.

“…Yes?” he offered.

With an exasperated groan Elowen let the shovel fall to her side,

“Why?!” she asked, somewhat recovered from the initial shock.

“I thought it would be cool?”

Elowen let out a slightly different groan,

“If movies tell me anything, zombies are dumb and slow,” she noted, light from the stars, the moon, the flashlights glinting off her glasses as she shifted them on her nose.

Wait-

“Since when do you have glasses?” Cassandra suddenly realized, snatching Elowen’s attention.

“Is now really the time?” Elowen asked.

Cassandra shrugged, and Elowen kept talking,

“So, since the zombies haven’t caught up with us, they’re probably the dumb, slow kind. Which is good for us, ‘cause it makes them easier to fight, but if they hit us in large numbers, we’re up the creek without a paddle. Get looking though those notebooks,” she ordered Cassandra, who dutifully set to work flipping through the pages. “The rest of us need to get the bluntest object we can get our hands on and be ready.”

Faith snatched up a fallen branch, Ashwin brandished a flashlight, and Mervin fumbled to find anything at all.

“Zombies!” Cassandra hollered, startling everyone, “Says they might be mistaken for teenagers,” she read as everyone realized she was, in fact, talking about a page the notebook and not a flesh-eating being staggering up to them. “Yadda-yadda-yadda, thought Robbie (whoever that is) was a zombie… gnome reference… Weakness!” she beamed, “OK, so, all you gotta’ do is-“

“We got company!” Ashwin barked, catching sight of a new clump of undead coming at them.

 

* * *

 

Abel was woken up by the jingle of his phone and the horrid sound of vibrating tech on a wooden table. He glanced at the caller ID, fully prepared to simply hang up on whoever thought this was a good idea, but Wendy was not someone to call in the middle of the night for frivolous purposes, so he answered the phone.

Before he even managed a ‘hello’ she was telling him,

“There’s zombies outside and I think one of my kids just went out there.”

She didn’t seem panicked, per se, more of an ‘I thought you might want to know’ tone, probably influenced by the fact that she sounded as tired as he was.

“There- there’s zombies?” he tried to wrap his head around it, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes, “And your kid- wait, are you saying you think our kids are involved?” he asked.

“Maybe,” Wendy blearily offered.

Not bothering to hang up, Abel shuffled up to the kids room, and found the door cracked open. Not a good sign.

“Yep,” he confirmed, looking around the empty room, “I’d say they’re probably out there too. You up for some zombie hunting?”

“…Yeah, alright,” she agreed. “I’ll be at your place in a few minutes.”

“Great. How’s your sense of pitch?”

 

* * *

 

Two zombies toppled as Elowen hit one with the shovel and Cassandra landed a hit with the backpack, clearing a path for the group to keep barreling through the forrest.

“You said you found a weakness,” Elowen remembered, “what is it? Shotgun? Chainsaw?”

“It’s gotta’ be another incantation,” Mervin concluded, “something supernatural. A potion!”

“Let Cassandra talk!” Ashwin demanded, bludgeoning a zombie with the flashlight.

“It’s three-part harmony,” Cassandra admitted.

The group stopped, fell silent, and turned to Cassandra. Mervin was the first to speak up:

“What?!”

“That’s what it says!” Cassandra insisted, showing them the page, which, sure enough, had a line proclaiming:

_Zombies’ only known weakness is three-part harmony. My sister and our Grunkle and I ended up singing karaoke to defeat them._

“Wow,” Elowen acknowledged, “that’s nuts.”

“Do we even know any three-part harmony?” Ashwin asked his cousin.

Cassandra shrugged.

“We should get to the town hall,” Elowen concluded, “there’s a PA system. On a quiet night like this, it should carry through the whole county.”

Nods were exchanged, and they headed for town.

The group hesitated, looking up main street. Maybe the trees had obscured the real numbers, or zombies were naturally drawn to artificial light, but it seemed like there were a lot more of them in town.

“Do we run for it?” Cassandra asked, suddenly having a much more severe version of the ‘it’s raining really hard but we need to get from the car to the store’ feeling. Running through this could give you a little more than an uncomfortably soaked shirt.

“…Yeah,” Elowen confirmed, raising her shovel. The rest of the group followed suit, brandishing their own makeshift weapons. “Ready?” she asked.

“Ready,” Cassandra assured her, among other affirmative noises from the others.

“GO!” she shouted, and this rag-tag band of kids hurtled through town toward the town hall, hollering incoherently and swinging things haphazardly at zombies.

As the reached the front steps the zombies seemed to have realized that these kids were a threat and had used what little brain power they had to band together and mount a genuine effort to attack them.

Mervin hollered in fright, gaining everyone’s attention as he frantically tried to shake off a zombie trying to gnaw on his wrist. Having succeeded he turned back to the group,

“No worries! Gloves and a jacket! Didn’t break the skin!” he yelped in terror as another one overtook him and he began smacking at it with his binder.

“You guys go,” Elowen told the cousins, swatting away what zombies she could, “we’ll try to hold ‘em off here.”

“WE?!” Mervin squawked, “Who’s we?!”

“Just go!” Elowen insisted. They didn’t need to be told again.

“Where’s the PA?!” Ashwin wailed as they ran through the halls.

“I don’t know,” Cassandra realized. “where’s Faith?!” she added, looking around.

“PA’s this way!” the nine-year-old hollered, barreling past them. Without question they followed her down and around in the labyrinthine building, skidding to a halt as she burst through a door. “Here!” she ordered, handing the receiver to Ashwin. “Turn it on!” she demanded of Cassandra, who looked the system over, flipped a few switches, and was satisfied.

“Checking, one, two, three-“ Ashwin spoke into the mic.

“I hear it,” Cassandra concluded, “I think it’s working.”

Her phone vibrated in her pocket, and in a moment, she had it to her ear. Over groans and moans of zombies she heard Elowen holler,

“It’s working! Do it!”

“What do we sing?!” Ashwin realized, staring at his cousin in horror, finger poised to transmit again.

“Oh, jeez, I don’t know,” Cassandra responded.

“What has three-part harmony?!”

Faith grabbed her brother’s phone and called up some lyrics, propped it up on the table in front of them, and started the song off one of Ashwin’s playlists.

“You know this one,” she told her brother, “Sing,” she told Cassandra, startling her.

“O-oh, OK,” she accepted, reading the lyrics and coming it a bit behind the singer as Ashwin turned on the mic,

“I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me, I still feel your touch in my dreams…”

Ashwin took over without hesitation, his little sister taking the higher part:

“Forgive me my weakness, but I don’t know why-“

As Cassandra started to remember her cousins belting this song she joined in to fill in as it built towards the chorus,

“Without you it’s hard to suur-viiiive!”

“Cause every time we touch, I get this feelin’! And every time we kiss I swear I can fly!” their voices rang through the sleeping town.

Elowen grinned big as the zombies around them started to groan in pain, stumbling away.

“Can’t’cha feel my heart beat fast! I want this to last! Need you by my siiide!”

As they broke off into true harmony, Zombie heads began to explode, and Elowen cheered, not bothering to help Mervin up as he scrambled to his own feet.

“Cause every time we touch, I feel the static! And every time we kiss I reach for the sky!” Ashwin was emoting dramatically into the mic now, “Can’t you feel my heard beat so, I can’t let’chu go! Want’chu in my life!”

Out in the forrest Wendy Corduroy and the twins looked toward the sound in town, brandishing a variety of blunt objects, their own voices hoarse, glad for the all-encompassing musical attack.

“That’s our kids,” Mabel reminded her brother with a nudge.

The impromptu dance party that had broken out in the PA room was interrupted by the ringing and vibration of Cassandra’s phone again. When she picked up, Elowen hollered through the receiver,

“It worked! Their heads exploded!”

“Are we done?” Cassandra asked, distracted from her dancing.

“I think so!” the other girl responded.

“Guys, we did it!” Cassandra beamed.

With joyful hollers the cousins kept jumping excitedly to the beat for a moment, before becoming tired out, and heading back out of the government building.

Within moments of stepping out of the door Cassandra was practically toppled as Elwoen wrapped her up in a hug,

“You did it!” she cheered, spinning her friend around,

“Um, th-thanks,” Cassandra accepted as she was set down, “I mean, it was really mostly Faith, but- W-woah, hey, your glasses are about to fall off, there,” she noted.

Elowen quickly straightened her glasses and the group set off back toward their own houses.

“Zombie guts,” Cassandra noted, gesturing to one of the fallen monsters.

“Wonder how they’ll clean that up in the morning,” Elowen mused absently.

“Faith, you did so good!” Ashwin beamed, grabbing up his little sister and ruffling her hair, “How’d you figure all that stuff out?”

“I looked at a map, doofus!” she retorted through a big grin.

“A map!” Ashwin realized, “See, you’re so much smarter than me.”

“S’why I call you doofus,” Faith confirmed.

“I refuse to believe that zombies are really defeated by harmonies,” Mervin scoffed. “it must be a good choice of song, or something.”

“You think it’s a Cascada song, specifically, that kills zombies?” Cassandra snorted.

“No! Well, maybe-“

“Oh, hey,” Elowen interjected, throwing a gesture at Cassandra, “you asked about my glasses.”

“Oh yeah,” she remembered, “while we were in grave peril. Sorry about that,”

“Nah, it’s cool. I almost never wear ‘em because, you know, I’m a Corduroy. Can you imagine how weird it would be if there was a nerdy Corduroy? We already get enough flack for being super-strong hyper-emotional freaks, god forbid I was a nerd!”

“…Are you a nerd?” Cassandra prompted.

“I mean- I’m not- Yeah,” Elowen admitted after a moment. “I’m a huge nerd. My math and science grades are really good, and I love sci-fi movies, and-“

“Wait, you’re a _NERD_?” Mervin squawked, a vindictive grin spreading across his face, “you, a Corduroy-“

“Yeah, and I can still punch your teeth in,” Elowen reminded him, brandishing a fist. “see what I mean?” she added to Cassandra.

“I guess so.”

They reached a fork in the forrest path, and exchanged looks.

“See you tomorrow?” Cassandra offered.

“See ya’ tomorrow,” Elowen confirmed. “Awesome work.”

“Hey man, you too,” Cassandra assured her. “G’night.”

“G’night.”

And so they separated, leaving Mervin alone, just like he’d started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H ZWPALK ULYK ILZA SLMA PNUVYLK  
> THF UVA IL H SBEBYF FVB JHU TBJO SVUNLY HMMVYK


	8. xzvhzi hjfzivw

The three cousins lay sprawled out on the living room floor, heads together, staring at the ceiling.

“I’m bored,” Faith whined.

“You know, we’ve heard,” Ashwin told her.

They lay in silence some more.

“God, yeah, I’m really bored,” Cassandra agreed with her cousin. They’d been trying to come up with something to do since before lunchtime.

“Why aren’t we hanging out with the Corduroys?” Ashwin asked.

“Their mom took ‘em hiking.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Why not the ‘enda’s, then?” Faith asked.

“Too hard to pin down,” Cassandra explained, “also I think like, half of them are at some kind of camp this weekend.”

Faith grunted in acceptance.

“Who knew it’d be so hard to find something to do on the weekend?” Ashwin lamented. “Any weird, mysterious stuff to chase?” he asked Cassandra.

“Not that leaps to mind…”

“The lake is fun,” Cassandra’s dad commented, strolling by, “it’s had its fair share of mysteries,” Cassandra was more alert now, “and I bet it’s kind of a ghost town since the pool opened today.”

“The pool opened today?!” Faith blurted, sitting bolt-upright. “Can we go to the pool?!” she asked Ashwin and Cassandra.

“Um, I’m not sure I want to go to the pool if everyone else in Gravity Falls is there…” Cassandra pointed out, interest piqued by the idea of ‘lake mysteries.’

“Cassie has a point,” Ashwin pointed out, picking up on his cousin’s interest in the lake, “I mean, you could swim at the lake, too.”

“You guys are no fun,” Faith huffed, “I bet Mom’ll take me!”

As Faith ran off in search of Mabel, Abel grinned at his daughter,

“You can take the cart to the lake, if you need to. Have fun on your monster hunt,” he commented, leaving the cousins in peace.

“Psh! I-it’s not a monster hunt-“ Cassandra insisted,

“Sure it’s not,” her dad retorted from the hall.

“It’s totally a monster hunt, isn’t it?” Ashwin said after Abel was out of earshot.

“I mean, more of a general-mystery-hunt but yeah, basically,” Cassandra admitted.

 

* * *

 

They had a backpack full of water bottles, snacks, two of the notebooks and Cassandra’s personal notebook, plus sunscreen and extra sunglasses, and though she’d hesitated, Cassandra had the blue and white trucker cap from The Shack on her head. Ready and rearin’ to go, Ashwin and Cassandra started up the golf cart. Mabel had decided to rent one for the trip, as she was determined that it was the best way to get around the Falls, and it gave the kids a chance to do things on their own, something she and her brother had to spend a lot of time convincing their spouses to allow.

“We’re going on a monster hunt, we’re gonna’ catch a big one! We’re not scared!” Ashwin altered the old ‘bear hunt’ kids chant to fit the moment, as Cassandra checked and re-checked the backpack. “Are you?” he asked playfully, continuing the chant. He frowned when Cassie didn’t answer, “C’mon, Cass! You gotta’ do the echo!”

“Hm? Oh, OK,” she accepted, leaving the backpack alone.

“OK, from the top! We’re going on a monster hunt!”

“We’re going on a monster hunt,” she responded with far less gusto, but a little bit of a smile.

“We’re gonna’ catch a big one!”

“We’re gonna’ catch a big one.”

“We’re not scared!”

“We’re not scared.”

“Are you?” he asked again, tossing her a grin.

“Are you?” she returned, her own smile growing.

“Not me!”

“Not me!” she agreed with gusto. “Do you even remember where it goes from there?” she asked, realizing she didn’t.

“Nope!” Ashwin confirmed. They shared a laugh for a moment before starting anew, together:

“We’re going on a monster hunt! We’re gonna’ catch a big one! We’re not scared!”

By the time they pulled up to the lakeside they had gone through three more rotations of the incomplete ‘monster’ hunt chant and had started making each other giggle with unorthodox answers, the most recent being:

“We’re not scared! Are you?”

“You bet!” from Ashwin, after Cassandra had responded to the same question with: _“I’ve killed a man. Does this look like a scared face to you?”_

“I mean, I’m sitting next to a murderer!” Ashwin clarified over his cousin’s giggles as he hit the brakes.

Recovering from her giggle fit and stepping out of the cart, Cassandra looked around.

“Dad was right,” she noted, “if anybody’s here, they’re out on the water.”

“…Except that one girl,” Ashwin noted, directing Cassandra’s attention to the dock. Full of excitement, Cassandra rushed over to talk to the girl in the water, leaning on the edge of the dock.

“Hi!” she said, startling the girl a little bit, “Who are you? We’re out here looking for mysteries. Have you seen anything weird? Oh, and I’m Cassandra.”

“Meranda,” the girl introduced herself, shaking Cassandra’s hand. It was wet - not surprising, for someone in the water - but also kind of… slimy? Slick? Not wrinkled like a person’s skin would be after a long time in the water. “And no, I definitely have not seen a single weird thing, you really shouldn’t- Oh, hello, sailor!” Meranda grinned at Ashwin, “C’mere,” she gestured.

“Um, yeah?” he asked, walking over to the edge of the dock, “Hey, I’m Ashwin.”

“Mm-hm, great, c’mere,” she reiterated,

“I’m here, what’s up?”

“No, but, like, closer,” she insisted, “in the water, even.”

“Dude, why?” Ashwin asked, “I mean, you seem cool and all, but what’s the big deal? If you’re flirting, I really don’t- That’s not how I-“

“Jeez, I’m just really hungry, OK?!” the girl finally snapped, sharp teeth showing for a moment.

“Woah, are you trying to eat my cousin?” Cassandra realized, looking between the two of them.

“No,” Meranda assured her quickly, “no, no, no eating. Never said anything about eating. Who said anything about eating?”

“Uh, OK…” Cassandra responded, “you can’t eat my cousin, but do you want us to grab you a snack from the bait shop?”

“YES!” Meranda exclaimed, “Please! Anything! But particularly fish. Fish is really good.”

“Um, OK, hang on,” Cassandra said, hopping up and heading into the little building by the lakeside. She walked in a looked around, not willing to try to strike up a conversation with the middle-aged man behind the counter. He didn’t seem to be the talkative type, anyway, with grey hair hanging over his eyes, and a bushy grey mustache across his face. She looked over her options: various kinds of snack cracker, snack cake, and candy, and certainly no fish. She settled for a pack of peanut butter crackers, some Twinkies, and for irony’s sake if nothing else, a pack of swedish fish.

She placed them all on the counter and pulled out her duct-tape wallet. She was glad she’d bought it.

“Nice hat,” the man mentioned as he rang up her items.

“Wh-? Oh, thanks,” she acknowledged briefly.

“You’re not a Pines’ kid, are ya’?”

“Um, y-yeah,” she admitted, full of nerves, “I- I’m a Pines,”

“I heard yer parents were in town. Asked me if I wanted to come ‘round and reminisce, but I declined. I’m not mah father, rest his soul.”

“…Reminisce about what?” Cassandra prodded, still curious as to what was so important that had happened thirty years ago. The old man paused,

“Never mind all that. Enjoy your snack foods.”

“Um, th-thanks,” Cassandra obliged, taking the plastic bag.

“And tell those twins Tate McGucket says hello.”

“W-will do,” she assured him, before rushing back to the pier.

“OK, so, they didn’t have any fish, ‘cause, you know, it’s basically a quick-rip with bait, so I got some peanut butter crackers, a snack cake, and some swedish fish.”

“What’s a… ’swedish fish’?” Meriam asked.

“Like, gummie fish.”

“What’s a gummie?!”

“Just- try ‘em, I guess,” Cassandra relented, handing her the bag of gummy candy.

“So, why wouldn’t you just get out of the water and get food yourself?”

“I’m lazy, it’s cold, I- I’m all pruney and gross,” she rattled off explanations, but none of them seemed genuine.

“Why were you trying to eat Ash?” Cassandra asked.

“I said, I was hungry!” she snapped through a mouth full of all the things Cassandra had bought her at once.

“Um, OK. Well, nice to meet you!” Cassandra concluded, legs swaying over the side of the dock.

The girl grunted back through a mouthful of food.

“And you’re suuure you haven’t seen anything mysterious?” she prodded again, “I mean, basically everywhere around here has something mysterious.”

“Nope, no mysteries here,” Meranda assured her, scarfing down the remaining half of the swedish fish in one go. “just a boring ol’ lake. I would know.”

“How would you know?” Cassandra nudged.

“I’ve been here for several days and haven’t seen a single thing.”

“Well, I’ve been in town barely a week and I’ve seen a _lot_ of things,” Cassandra snorted, “seriously, I got directions from a unicorn. I have a gnome bite on my arm,” she presented the large bandage placed awkwardly on her arm, obscuring some of her orion birthmark.

“Good, great. Doesn’t mean there’s anything weird in the lake,” Meranda insisted.

“Did you feel that?” Ashwin asked, rejoining his cousin after having wandered off to skip stones while Cassandra talked nerdy to this new girl.

“Hm?” Cassandra responded, turning to face him. “Oh,” she realized, feeling the prick of a raindrop herself,

“Is it raining?” Ashwin wondered aloud, looking up at the sky for clues.

“A little,” Cassandra agreed, “but it’s not that much,” as she spoke more drops began to fall more frequently. By the time they stopped looking around like confused birds while they mulled over whether it was raining or not, a relatively solid sheet of rain was consistently falling.

“We should get inside,” Ashwin mentioned, not waiting for an answer before rushing into the bait shop,

“You coming?” Cassandra asked, offering Meranda a hand.

“I’m already wet,” she pointed out.

“Well, OK then. I- I’m gonna’ get inside,” she needlessly explained, gesturing to the old, run-down building before hurrying in after her cousin.

Ashwin meandered the rows of convince-store type shelves as Cassandra watched the girl out the window. After a moment of pondering she turned to the man who ran the shop,

“What do you know about that girl?”

“She’s been out there a few days now,” Mr. McGucket told her, “I’m not sure I’ve seen her leave the water. She’s not always there, but I never see her anywhere other than right there by the dock. Anybody that goes out on the lake just sort of leaves her be. I don’t think she’s a real personable type.”

“She’s not, really,” Cassandra confirmed. The girl shot a grim glance up at the sky and disappeared under the water. Cassandra stared with rapt attention out the window, muttering the seconds by under her breath.

“Uh, Cass? Y’allright?” Ashwin asked. Cassandra held up a warning finger as she kept counting.

“…fifty-eight, fifty-nine, sixty. Something’s up,” Cassandra told her cousin, “you can only really hold your breath about thirty seconds. She’s either gonna’ drown, or there’s mystery afoot,” she concluded, tossing the blue cap to Ashwin and heading out the door.

Cassandra stood on the edge of the dock, staring down into the lake. After a moment of staring sternly into the rippling water, Meranda’s black-haired head resurfaced,

“What?” she asked, “Why are you staring like that? I thought you wanted to keep your precious clothing dry, or whatever.”

“You just held your breath for over two minutes. There’s very few people that can do that.”

“Yeah, well, I’m one of the few.”

“Bull,” Cassandra insisted, “what’s your deal?”

“Deal? There’s no deal,” the girl insisted.

“Yeah there is. Here,” Cassandra decided, picking up a stone, “if there’s nothing up you should be able to get this stone,” she concluded, tossing it off the end of the dock.

“You already said people can’t hold their breath that long,” she interjected, “it- it’s deep over there.”

“But you already said you could hold your breath longer, and proved it to,” Cassandra retorted. “Go get it.”

Meranda fidgeted a moment before ducking under the water again. She stayed down a short while, then resurfaced.

“Looked, couldn’t find it,” she explained, “there’s a lot of rocks.”

“I could see your hair,” Cassandra told her, “you stayed in place.”

A realization hit Cassandra like a truck,

“You’re stuck, aren’t you?”

“No!” Meranda insisted weakly, “Who’s stuck? I’m not stuck! Why would I be stuck?”

“You are! That’s why you can’t get food, and why you’ve been here so long! Hang on,” Cassandra slipped off her shoes, despite Meranda’s protests, and jumped into the lake.

It took some work to force her eyes open underwater, having grown up in goggles and swimming pools, but she managed, and through the murky water she found two things: Meranda had a tail, and said tail was pinned under a rock. The gasp for air she made when she surfaced again also doubled well as a gasp of surprise,

“You’re a _mermaid_!” she beamed.

“Oh, jeez, yes, I’m a mermaid. What’re you gonna’ do? Take me away? Study me? Fry me up in fish fillets?!” Meranda asked, accidentally devolving into terror.

“What? No!” Cassandra assured her, “It’s just cool, is all. Also your tail is caught under a bog ol’ rock.”

“Gee, thanks. Hadn’t noticed,” Meranda grumbled back.

“OK, I don’t think I can lift that thing myself, I gotta’ get Ashwin-“

“He won’t fry me up, will he?”

“No frying!” Cassandra insisted, “Never frying! Don’t worry about it! We just want to help you get out of here,” she told her, scrambling back up onto the dock and running back to the shop.

Ashwin flinched as the door burst open,

“Ashwin! I need your help!”

“Um, OK?” he offered, before tacking on: “Do I have to get as wet as you are?”

“Yes,” Cassandra confirmed. “but it’s summer! You’re not gonna’ get cold or anything don’t worry about it. I just need you to help me move a boulder underwater,” she explained nonchalantly as she pulled him into the rain.

“What?!”

“Yeah. Meranda’s a mermaid, and her tail is stuck under a big rock.”

They had reached the dock before Ashwin could pose anymore questions or protests.

“Ready?” she asked, poised on the edge of the dock.

Ashwin offered a vaguely affirmative whimper in response, and she dove into the lake, her cousin hopping hesitantly in behind her.

Underwater the two teens put all their combined manpower into shifting the large rock, pushing and pulling, and after one break to get their air back, they managed to shove the stone aside, Meranda’s tail flicking out from under it in an instant. Cassandra noted a tear in her fin, but she also noticed Ashwin pointing behind her. She whipped around in the water and saw the dark form drifting closer with alarming speed.

“Meranda!” she yelped, surfacing beside the mermaid, “There’s something down there.”

“Of course there is, it’s a lake,” she retorted, looking over her damaged tail.

“No, like, something big,” Cassandra clarified. Ashwin was already out of the water. He grabbed her arm and practically pulled her out of the water while she scrambled to pull herself up.

“What are you talking about?” Meranda responded, before ducking under the surface to see for herself. She came back up with a yelp of pain.

“Meranda! What happened?” Cassandra asked, grabbing the mermaid’s arm to help support her.

“Yep,” she grunted through the pain, “there’s something down there.”

“Ashwin! Go get a cooler!” Cassandra hollered, “We gotta’ get her out of the water!”

“I think it bit me,” Meranda elaborated.

“Oh, man that’s a lot of blood,” Cassandra whimpered as a red cloud formed in the lake. She heard the door bang open again and Ashwin hurtled out, tossing a cooler down the dock, where it slid on the slick wood until bumping into Cassandra. “OK, let’s do this,” she braced herself, before trying to heft Meranda out of the water, and failing.

“Oh god I think I felt it swim by again,” Meranda whimpered.

“Ashwin!” Cassanda barked, and her cousin was there. With their combined strength they managed to all but toss Meranda into the cooler. They crumpled from the effort, breathing heavily, but Meranda butted in:

“I mean, we’re lucky it’s raining, and I can probably last a minute or two, but I need water to breathe,” she pointed out.

With a concerned, exasperated grunt Cassandra struggled back to her feet again, zeroing in on a hose on the shop. Ashwin got up and started dragging the cooler to meet her halfway. As the running hose clacked against the inside wall of the cooler the cousins collapsed in relief.

“…Y’all really aren’t cut out for this kinda’ thing, are you?” Meranda commented, leaning over the cooler’s edge. She let the teens sit and pant for a moment before adding, “there is still a lot of blood coming from some very painful bite marks in my tail.”

“Oh, man,” Cassandra realized, “what do we do? Do we take her to a vet?”

“That seemed demeaning,” Ashwin commented, “but I doctor would freak out, too.”

“Who wouldn’t freak out?”

“…and knows the first thing about marine biology,” Ashwin added.

They sat in silence and rain, thinking.

“Aunt Candy!” Ashwin concluded, “She’s science-y! Maybe she’ll help us!”

“It’s worth a shot,” Cassandra agreed. “Oh, jeez,” she added, her shoulder getting drenched again as the colder overflowed, “gotta’ go turn the hose off.”

 

* * *

 

The last thing Candy Chiu expected when she opened the door was two soaking wet teenagers with vaguely desperate looks on their faces. And one of the things she expected was a unicorn out for revenge.

“Oh!” she squeaked, “Hello, children.”

“Hi, Aunt Candy,” Ashwin returned, “do you think maybe you could help us with something?”

“Perhaps. What is it that you need?” she asked, adjusting her glasses.

“Um, w-well,” Ashwin began, but Cassandra drowned him out,

“We found a mermaid in the lake and something big and scary bit her and now she’s really hurt and we don’t know what do to so we came to you because you’re science-y and if you were friends with our parents maybe you knew about weird stuff!”

“…I see,” Candy accepted, “we will see what can be done. Where is the mermaid?”

“In a cooler on the back of the golf cart,” Cassandra explained, tossing a thumb towards the cart.

“Okay. Let us get her inside.”

It was much easier to carry the cooler with three people, and it didn’t take long to get the cooler up onto the kitchen table, though not without grunts and comments from Meranda inside. They opened the lid and Candy stared for a moment.

“That is a mermaid,” she confirmed.

“You bet, lady,” Meranda tossed back.

“I have now seen every magical creature that I dreamed of as a child!” she squeaked before commenting, “That is a very bad bite, and though I am more of a woman of tech, I do know someone who can help. Layla?”

“What’s happening, hon?” another woman asked, stepping into the kitchen to join them. “Oh!” she gasped.

“Do you remember how I told you about the strange things in this town?” Candy began, sheepishly, “This is a good example.”

“A mermaid!” Layla gaped, “A real mermaid!” she reiterated, turning to her wife with an expression of joy and awe.

“I thought this might fit your interests. She’s hurt; do you think you can help?”

“Hur-? Oh my gosh! That’s a lot of blood!”

“Mm-hmm,” Meranda agreed, “it really smarts. And it’d be really nice if something could be done about it instead of everyone just milling around going ‘wow a mermaid’.”

“Of course!” Layla agreed, “Be right back!” as she rushed off Candy turned to the teens,

“Layla is a marine biologist! We met when I was brought on to build some trackers.”

“That’s convenient,” Cassandra noted, but didn’t press the issue, because Layla bustled back into the room with arms full of gear, ready to go.

“Alright! We’ll need to bandage you up, then get the water optimized for healing- Actually, you may not be able to go out into open water for a while-“

“What?!” Meranda yelped, “But- but my family! My parents are probably already freaking out! I’ve been gone for two days!”

“Well, maybe we can find a way to contact them,” Layla offered half-heartedly, “but you really need to stay here for a few days while this heals. If you leave in this state you’re far more likely to be attacked-“

“Layla,” Candy butted in, “Don’t scare fish girl.”

“Meranda,” she corrected, “my name’s Meranda.”

“We might could figure something out!” Cassanra piped up, “We could do some research, see what we find!”

“On how to communicate with mermaids?” Meranda retorted, “I doubt it. We avoid the human world like the plague.”

“Maybe, but there’s accounts of mermaids in these notebooks,” she pointed out, “maybe there’s a way to communicate!”

“Why don’t you two go do your research on that, and we’ll get Meranda all bandaged up.”

“OK!” Cassandra chirped, “We’ll be back!” she tossed over her shoulder as she rushed back out the door to the golf cart. Candy wondered briefly if she should have mentioned Mabel’s fling with a mermaid.

 

* * *

 

Ashwin walked back into the room in dry clothes and drying his hair after a much-needed shower to find Cassandra sitting on the edge of the loft, towel across her lap, flipping through one of the notebooks.

“Dude,” he sighed, “you’re still soaked!”

“Not really,” Cassandra responded, “just a little damp around the edges. Everything’s a little extra clingy, but that’s fine.”

Ashwin went quiet for a moment, tugging on his red plaid shirt over his t-shirt, before asking,

“So, are you usually that gung-ho about mysteries?”

“What?” Cassandra responded, perking up.

“You just got really invested in all that. I wouldn’t have thought a nerdy suburban kid like you would just jump into a lake like that.”

“Oh, _I’m_ nerdy and suburban? You’ve never seen this many trees in your life!”

“That wasn’t the point,” Ashwin retorted through a grin, “do you like her?”

“What?!” Cassandra squeaked.

“Do you have a crush on Meranda? I’m just wondering. You seem really invested in helping her out.”

“I- I don’t- It-“ Cassandra’s mind wandered for a moment; she hadn’t even thought about it.

“Hey, no judgement!” Ashwin insisted, “You know I’m the last person to think you’re weird… for that.”

“Gee, thanks,” Cassandra retorted. “and anyway-“

Her train of thought was interrupted as Faith burst into the room, a towel wrapped tight over her bathing suit as she scampered in to grab some fresh clothes.

“Hi guys!” she chirped.

“Hey, Fatih,” Ashwin responded.

“The pool was really fun! I bet the lake wasn’t half as fun!”

“I don’t know,” Ashwin considered, “we did meet a mermaid.”

Meer steps from the door she froze and turned on her brother, eyes wide and jaw slack,

“A mermaid?!” she gaped, “You met a mermaid?!”

“Yep.”

“You’re lying,” she concluded, squinting at him.

“No! Really! Cross my heart! You can come with us to meet her when we go see her again!”

“I can meet her?” Faith gasped, immediately awed again.

“Sure you can! No problem! Right, Cassandra?”

“Sure?” she offered back.

 

* * *

 

As the golf cart bumped along the dirt paths Faith piped up,

“Why aren’t we going to the lake?”

“Well, see, the mermaid-“

“Her name’s Meranda,” Cassandra mentioned, already filling in perceived holes in Ashwin’s story,

“Yeah, Meranda - she got hurt-“

“Something bit her.”

“Something bit her, yeah, so we took her to aunt Candy who’s making sure she gets fixed up.”

“Oh,” Faith squeaked back in acknowledgement as they pulled up at the cabin Candy and Layla were renting while they were in town for the reunion.

They rapped on the door and Layla answered,

“Oh, hey guys!” she beamed, gesturing them inside, “I got her all bandaged up, and she’s grumpy, but she’s doing just fine. She’s down at the end of the hall - I put her in the bathtub to make it easier to change the water every so often.“

“Hopefully they do not charge us an extra cleaning fee,” Candy commented with a small smirk.

“The rental company never has to know,” Layla waved the comment away.

The three kids headed down the hall without hesitation, quickly finding a bored mermaid in a bathtub.

“Wooaahh!” Faith gaped, “You’re a real-live mermaid!”

“What is this, a zoo?” Meranda asked Cassandra, “You keep bringing more people to go ‘ooh, aaah, she has a fish tail!’”

“Sorry,” Cassandra responded, “but it’s basically impossible for people not to be amazed. But I did some research!” she added, “OK, so, first I wondered about these magic bottles that the writer talks about, but since I don’t know who he - I’m pretty sure it’s a he - either way I don’t know him so I can’t really get my hands on one of those, but then I read that some mermaids could speak dolphin or something? And I thought of all the fish in the lake, and if maybe one of them could get a message?”

“Maybe,” Meranda acknowledged, “but you can’t speak to any fish, and I can’t leave, so how do we get a message across?”

“You can really speak to fish?”

“Yeah, mostly. Freshwater fish might have a weird dialect, though.”

“Wait! Do you think we could use a fish like a carrier pigeon?”

“What’s a carrier pigeon?” Meranda asked.

“Oh, OK, so, I mean, like, could we give a fish a message - like literally attach it to a fish - and it could swim it out to your family?”

“That has potential,” Meranda agreed, “it’s just a matter of how to tell the fish where to go. But maybe we can work that out… can fish read?” she wondered aloud, “I guess they can? Or, at least, I can write something fish would understand, I think. I think,” she added with a stern gesture at Cassandra, “I’m not sure.”

“Well, you could try! It’s worth a shot! Particularly if there’s no other way we can think of-“

“Is it fun being a mermaid?” Faith interjected.

Meranda blinked at her, befuddled, before responding,

“I guess? Is it fun being human?”

“Sure!” Faith beamed, “I get to meet a mermaid!”

Meranda snorted,

“That comes with the territory, huh?”

“Well, no, but if I wasn’t human I wouldn’t get to meet you!”

“OK.”

“Do you have underwater candy? Like saltwater taffy?”

“Um, well, lemme’ think about that…”

The Q&A went back and forth around Meranda, questions coming from both Cassandra and Faith, Ashwin occasionally tossing one in, until Cassandra and Ashwin’s phones buzzed with a curious text from their parents.

“We gotta’ get home,” Ashwin insisted, “Dinner’s in like ten minutes.”

“Alright,” Cassandra reluctantly agreed, heading out of the room.

Meranda hesitated, but finally managed,

“You’ll be back tomorrow, right?”

Cassandra turned back, a little stunned,

“Y-yeah, of course.”

“Good. I need somebody to talk to other than these nerdy old ladies,” Meranda explained, trying to play it of.

“See you in the morning,” Cassandra grinned.

“Alright, nerd,” Meranda responded, having picked up the term from Ashwin, “see you then.”

 

 

…

…

…

 

 

Though the hexagonal demon had no eyes, you could get a sense from any and all of his expressive features that he was not invested in the conversation the small boy was trying to have with him.

“…And then she just walks on past me! There’s mystery afoot and she asks if it can wait ’till morning! Who does that?! Am I wrong?” Mervin asked the demon in exasperation, “So I need your help to, I don’t know, scare some sense into her?”

“And make her ‘like’ you?” Hectorgon prompted with a sigh.

“I mean, yeah, sure, but that’s not the first priority.”

“Listen, kid,” the demon sighed, “it doesn’t work like that. You can’t just call me up and I’ll do your bidding. You gotta’ have something to give me in return. If you had some venison, three pounds of glitter, maybe some gold - a particularly fancy or peculiar hat, perhaps, I’d be willing to help you out a little, but demons don’t work for free.”

Mervin’s hopes and confidence sank visibly.

“Look, I don’t make the rules,” Hectorgon responded with a shrug, “now can I get back to my millennia-nap, or what?”

“…You’re saying I can’t get a demon to help me screw up the Pines’ girl?” Mervin confirmed, disheartened.

“That’s right. It just doesn’t work like- now hang on,” the demon turned on a dime, “you said she was a Pines? Now I think I might just know a guy…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CNORK IGYYOK YCUUTY UBKX ZNK RGJE UL ZNK RGQK  
> CNGZ QOTJ UL JKGR SOMNZ SKXBOT SGQK?


	9. mvtzgrev xzvhzi hjfzivw

A tangle of limbs on the sofa, the cousins looked with apprehension at Abel Pines, standing before them with a phone in his hand, mouthpiece covered.

“So, guys,” he began, a little fidgety himself, “you don’t have plans today, right?”

They just continued to stare, a silent confirmation.

“Well, Mr. Gleeful is on the phone, and they need a short-notice babysitter, and they were wondering if maybe you guys could do it.”

“Have you told ‘em anything yet?” Cassandra asked her dad.

“I said I’d ask,” he assured her.

Cassandra’s face quirked in apprehension, but Ashwin was ready,

“Sure! We could babysit! How old is the kid?”

“Their little girl is four.”

“Pshh! We can babysit a four year old!” Ashwin confirmed, “No problem!”

“Alright,” Abel said, putting the phone back to his ear and confirming that the Pines cousins could, in fact, babysit that night.

“So, you like babysitting?” Cassandra prompted.

“Oh, yeah!” Ashwin responded, “Every kid’s an angel until proven otherwise. Plus, it’s easier if I’ve got backup.”

“I count as backup?” Cassandra asked.

“Faith, you comin’ with?”

His little sister let out an unsure groan,

“Do I have to?”

“I mean, not really, but you’ll be the only one here at the house with the parents-“

“Ugh! I guess!” she resigned, throwing herself back into the sofa.

 

* * *

 

When they pulled up in the golf cart the sun was just barely starting to set, glinting off one of the cabin’s windows. The Gleefuls, like the Northwest-Passage family, actually owned a cabin in Gravity Falls, though they didn’t live in town. Rich people could do that, Cassandra supposed.

Ashwin was the one with courage enough to knock on the door, and a tall, perky woman answered the door.

“Oh, hello!” she beamed, herding them in, “You must be the Pines’ children. Little GIlda’s already had dinner, and she should probably be put to bed around seven-thirty to get her to sleep by eight. There’s a bunch of her favorite movies queued up on the TV, her room is full of toys - she knows how to keep herself entertained, just try to go along with her and you’ll be fine.”

“You can trust us, ma’am,” Ashwin assured her, “I’m heavily certified - CPR training and all - Cassie is a master nerd and monster hunter, and Faith is a professional child-“

Faith gave a self-assured salute,

“-I’m sure we can handle this.”

Mrs. Gleeful giggled, “I’m sure you can.”

“Let’s go, Darlin’!” Mr. Gleeful beamed, throwing an arm around his wife, “You children make sure nothin’ blows up, ya’ hear?” he added, waving to them over his shoulder as the two of them climbed in their car. Ashwin chuckled at the comment, returning the wave as they drove off. The three cousins turned to the task at hand: Gilda.

The four year old was sitting on the sofa, platinum-blonde hair done up in little pigtails that stuck straight out on either side of her head, and she was dressed in poofy pink pajamas, clutching a stuffed cat. She blinked at them with her big, blue eyes and Ashwin struck up a conversation.

“Hey, Gilda! We’re gonna’ stay with you tonight. I’m Ashwin, this is Cassandra, and my sister, Faith.”

“Hello,” Gilda squeaked to the other girls.

“Hi,” Cassandra offered back, not entirely comfortable with children.

“So, what do you want to do, Gilda?” Ashwin asked, “Watch a movie, play pretend-?”

“We’re gonna’ watch a movie,” Gilda decided, taking the remote and navigating the TV controls with ease.

“Ok, then,” Ashwin accepted, sitting down on the sofa with her. Faith and Cassandra dropped down into arm chairs as the ark was drawn over the castle and the music crescendoed.

 

* * *

 

The movie’s credits rolling, Cassandra felt a buzz in her back pocket. She retrieved the phone and grinned in spite of herself when she read the caller ID. She left the room to take the call, grinning big.

“Hey,” she acknowledged, accepting the call.

“Hey, nerd. What’re you doing?” Meranda’s voice asked.

“Oh, we’re just babysitting the Gleefuls’ kid. They needed somebody short notice.”

“Sounds fun,” Meranda responded half-heartedly. “I’m bored. The ladies are eating dinner, and they’re not much fun anyway.”

“You have a phone,” Cassandra pointed out, “play some phone games.”

“I could, but I’m talking to you right now.”

“Sorry I’m such an inconvenience,” Cassandra smirked. “I guess a bathtub is pretty boring, though. How’s the bite?”

“Better,” Meranda assured her, “it hasn’t bled all day.”

“And your fins?”

There was a silence.

“It’ll probably be OK,” Meranda finally responded.

Meranda said something else, but all of a sudden Ashwin bustled in, gaining her attention,

“She’s asleep on the sofa,” he explained, “can you get her to bed? I gotta’ clean up after the ice cream we gave her.”

“OK,” she returned, “listen, Meranda, I’m sorry, I gotta’ go. Duty calls.”

“Oh. OK. Have fun, I guess.”

“Talk to you in the morning?”

“OK.”

Cassandra ended the call and strode back out to the living room, where Gilda was all curled up, a little bundle of pink fluff. Cassandra swallowed hard, hoping she could successfully lift a four year old. She chose her points of support carefully, and hefted the little girl up. She wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that Gilda wrapped her little arms around Cassandra’s neck. Standing there, arms full of small child, Cassandra had a realization:

“Ash,” she whispered, stepping up behind her cousin, “where’s her room?”

Ashwin pointed up the stairs,

“It’s obvious,” he assured her.

The stairs weren’t fun to traverse while weighed down by forty-to-fifty pounds of little girl, but Ashwin was right, her room was obvious. Cassandra was not sure she had ever seen so much pink. And sparkles. If it wasn’t pink, it sparkled, and even if it was pink, it might sparkle. Cassandra carefully placed the girl amongst piles of fluffy blankets and pillows on her bed and turned to leave, hoping for the best, but the little girl piped up,

“Pines girl…?” she asked blearily. Cassandra turned around,

“Yeah?”

“Can you gimme’ the pehdant?”

“What?”

“The peh-dant,” she repeated, pointing to a tall shelf. The girl could never reach it on her own.

Cassandra followed her gesture and found a small star-shaped charm, maybe the size of a brooch or a girl-scout patch. She turned it over in her hand for a moment, attracted by the different colors of each point, and the stylized eye staring back at her from the center.

“This one?” she offered, holding it up for the girl to see.

Gilda nodded.

“OK,” she said, handing the metal and ceramic creation over. “You good now? Ready to go to sleep?”

Gilda nodded, and curled up, clutching the pendant. Cassandra stepped out of the room and let out a quiet sigh, relieved to be free of her small charge. But before her foot reached the first step she heard something hit the wall of Gilda’s room. She turned back to the door with curiosity and apprehension. Something else hit the floor and she heard Gilda giggle. She opened the door and found the last thing she expected: half of the items in the room - all stuffed and several sparkly - were suspended in the air, surrounded by a pale blue glow. Her eyes fell on the only other thing in the room with that glow - the pendant clutched in Gilda’s little hand.

Cassandra locked eyes with the four year old, who grinned big,

“Fly!” she squeaked, and in an instant Cassandra found her feet no longer touched the ground. She couldn’t help but flail, suddenly suspended in the air.

“ASHWIN!” Cassandra called, panic in her gut.

Both her cousins were there, then, in the doorway, staring in awe at the spectacle before them.

“Now that I haven’t seen,” Ashwin noted.

“I AM SUSPENDED IN THE AIR BY A TODDLER,” Cassandra pointed out, still flailing above him.

“I’m a big girl!” Gilda corrected, and Cassandra could feel a surge in the power, sending a wave through everything under the child’s control. She shuddered to think what would happen if you really made her mad.

“Sorry,” Cassandra amended, “I’m suspended in the air by the great an powerful Gilda Gleeful!”

Gilda giggled at the impressive title.

Faith dashed from the room, struck with an idea.

“Gilda, could you maybe let Cassandra down?” Ashwin asked in the sweetest voice he could muster considering the situation.

“Why?” Gilda asked.

“Um, well, she’s kind of uncomfortable-“

“Nuh-uh! Flying is fun!” she insisted, “Try it!” Ashwin was whipped into the air by the blue glow, letting out an involuntary squawk. “See?” Gilda prompted. Ashwin had no idea how to respond.

Faith strode back into the room, brandishing Gilda’s plush cat.

“Do you want Mr. Whiskers?” Faith asked, gaining Gilda’s attention.

Gilda scampered over, arms outstretched for the cat, leaving the pendant unattended on the bed and releasing everything from the psychic power.

The two teenagers grunted as they hit the floor.

Dragging the cat behind her Gilda returned to the bed, grabbing the pendant back up before it occurred to anyone to take it back. It did occur to Ashwin to get everyone the heck out of that room.

“G’night, Gilda!” he chirped, grabbing Cassie and Faith’s arms and yanking them from the room. Door closed behind them he added, “Don’t let the bedbugs bite!” getting away from the door the three cousins huddled together. “OK,” Ashwin started, “we can deal with this. We’ve fought zombies and gnomes, we can handle a four-year-old girl.”

“…with a magic pendant,” Cassandra added. “that’s a very important part of the equation.”

“Noted,” Ashwin said, “we need to get that pendant away from her and get her to sleep before her parents get back.”

“We need help,” Cassandra concluded, “we’re good, but we’re not this good. Who knows how to deal with supernatural stuff?”

“Mervin?” Ashwin offered.

“Ew, no,” Cassandra retorted. “he doesn’t actually know how to deal with anything anyway.”

“Sylvia,” Faith piped up.

The teenagers looked at her for a moment, thinking it over.

 

* * *

 

The time: 8:00 PM. Cassandra walked into the woods, somewhat unnerved by the darkness and the occasional stiff breeze, wondering how on earth she was supposed to summon Sylvia. A shiver ran down her spine, and something like a flash of lightening, paired with a shockwave, disoriented her for a moment.

“Hon, y’alright?” Sylvia asked, suddenly beside her.

Cassandra jumped, turning to look at the ghost.

“Y-yes?” Cassandra responded.

“Good. Something powerful is going on in these woods tonight-”

“I’ll say!” Cassandra retorted, “Mr. Gleeful’s kid has a some sort of pendant and is throwing everything around the house with, like, magic or something!”

Sylvia stared at the Cassandra for a moment. She blinked.

“Right,” Sylvia accepted half-heartedly. That was not, in fact, what the spirit had sensed, but she wasn’t about to tell this girl what was really happening in the deep, dark woods. The child could stand to be ignorant. “You say you got an ornery child?” Sylvia responded, “I bet I could help you with that. I had five kids and at least twelve grandkids.”

“OK, but did any of them use weird, magical pendants?” Cassandra asked, leading her back to the gleeful house.

“No, but several were biters, and I’m a ghost. I bet you I can take the little brat. How old?”

“Four.”

“Oh good lord, I think I can handle a four year old,” Sylvia assured her.

Cassandra opened the door and Sylvia glided in.

“Oh my gosh you found her,” Ashwin sighed, relieved, “so, do you think you could get the pendant away from her? Or at least get her away from the pendant, or-?”

“I got ya’ covered, hon,” the ghost assured him.

The cousins trailed her up the stairs with bated breath. They opened the door a crack after Sylvia had drifted through it, unable to resist their own curiosity.

“Hey, hun,” she cooed, gaining Gilda’s attention. “Can you see me?” The toys and books stopped swirling around the room and hung still in midair. Gilda stared, wide-eyed at Sylvia. “you having fun?” the old ghost offered.

Gilda nodded.

“Looks like it. But it’s getting late, are you sure you aren’t tired?”

“No,” Gilda insisted, shaking her head, “M’not sleepy.”

“Hm. Is that so. Do you want to hear a ghost story?”

“Ghost story?” Gilda echoed, a mix of curiosity and fear in her squeaky little voice.

“Mm-hm,” Sylvia confirmed, drifting over to sit beside Gilda on her infinitely fluffy bed. “and by ghost story I mean a story told by a ghost.”

“Ooh,” Gilda acknowledged, her attention drawn to Sylvia, the toys slowly starting to drop towards the ground as her focus wandered.

“Now, I’m a very old woman,” Sylvia explained, “I lived long and hard, so I was already real ancient when I died, and I’ve got a good eighty-some-odd years on top of that, now. But that still doesn’t make me old enough to remember the old pioneer days. Still, my grandma used to tell me a story about a darning needle - particularly if I ever got bent out of shape about having lost something. Do you want to hear about the darning needle?”

Gilda nodded, and snuggled up in her pillows as close to the spirit as she could muster. If Sylvia had had any physical form she would have leaned on the old woman.

“Well, you see, the folks traveling the Oregon Trail looking for a new life left almost everything behind when they made the 2000 mile journey in their covered wagons. As the trail grew harder and the mountains more treacherous, they had to abandon furniture and luxuries of all sorts to make it easier to move the wagons. They lost a lot on those old, tough trails.

“So by the time the settlers reached Oregon, the few goods they had were precious indeed. The people that settled here in the old Gravity Falls were no different. The tiny settlement was so isolated that the villagers had no way of getting anything from the outside world and had to make do with what they brought with them. So they got down to that last darning needle real quick.”

“What’s a darning needle?” Gilda asked, barely above a whisper. 

“It’s not too different from your regular old needle, and in those days it was used for everything from sewing clothing to darning socks to mending busted buttons. For everybody to have just one darning needle was a big problem. The settlers took real good care of that needle. They passed it from family to family, and for two or three days at a time, the women in each family would sew and darn like crazy to get all the mending done before passing the needle on to the next household. 

“Then one day, little Jimmy Befufftlefumpter was assigned the task of carrying the needle to Old Woman Drain's cottage on the other side of the woods. To keep the needle safe, his mother threaded it with bright red wool knotted firmly through the eye of the needle. Then she stuck it into a potato and gave the precious needle to her small son. 

As the little boy walked along the trail, he heard a rustling in the bushes.  Ahead of him, a Mama bear and her two cubs ambled into view. startled, Jimmy ducked behind a serviceberry bush, hoping the Mama bear wouldn't notice him. He sat real still, short of trembling from head to toe, until he couldn’t hear the bears no more. Then he crept back out onto the trail, checked carefully in both directions, and continued toward Old Woman Drain's cabin. And that's when he realized his hand was empty!  He'd lost the potato with the needle stuck into it!”

At Sylvia’s exclamation Gilda blinked away some of the sleep dragging her eyelids down. The floating toys - barely an inch from the ground zipped up an inch or two, the blue energy around them flaring up.

“Little Jimmy looked everywhere,” Sylvia went on, “but there were many serviceberry bushes, and he couldn't find the exact place where he'd hid. But it was the only needle for miles, so the whole town turned out to look! They combed the woods for hours, and it was the despairing little Jimmy who finally caught a glimpse of red wool in the bracken and swooped inside to rescue the darning needle. 

“But things wear out regardless. With so much heavy use and so much time spent stuck into the juice of the potato, the needle grew weak, and it broke in Old Woman Drain's hand the day after it was found in the woods. It was a sad day in Gravity Falls, but no one blamed Old Woman Drain for breaking it. It could have happened to any of them.  But all sewing and mending in the village had to stop, and clothing grew tattered, socks and stockings had gaping holes in them, and folks shook their heads, wondering what to do. 

“And now little Jimmy Befufftlefumpter was just beside himself; he blamed himself for the loss of the precious needle. If only he hadn't lost it! If it hadn't been stuck so long in the potato, it might not have broken in Old Woman Drain's hand! He fretted and moped about the lost darning needle, and his parents couldn’t do nothing about it. 

“At that time, a young man in California decided he wanted a life of adventure.  He came up north to Portland Oregon, set himself up with a mule and wagon of goods, and started roaming the mountains and valleys, visiting villages and mining camps and farming towns,” as she went on Gilda’s head started to droop. The toys landed gently on the ground. “and then it just so happened that a month to the day after the breaking of the last darning needle, he wandered into old Gravity Falls with his peddler's wagon,” Sylvia was speaking softer now. 

“News of the peddler spread like wildfire. Soon he was swarmed by families admiring his wares and chattering excitedly. The young man heard the woeful tale of the needle from Mrs. Befufftlefumpter, and he watched little Jimmy stroking the horse's man and pretending not to listen as his mother talked…” she glanced down at the sleeping girl, all the power gone from the amulet in her little hand, “…of losing the needle, and the bear appearing, and finding it again, and then losing it again when it broke…” Sylvia’s voice was real soft now as she went on, “so the peddler went over and asked little Jimmy if he was thinking of giving out a christmas present to his friends and family that year… He hadn't thought about Christmas until that moment, but he said he was thinking of giving them something. The man knelt down beside little Jimmy and offered to help him give everybody an early present; he took a small packet of needles out of the pocket of his coat for Jimmy to give to every family in town. And little Jimmy passed the needles out, his face beaming with pride,  and the peddler did it for free, and always stopped by, and everybody lived happily every after with all the darning needles they wanted, the end.” Done with her tale, having sped through the end to make sure the girl was sleeping, Sylvia wafted out of the bed and back through the door.

She tossed a glance at Cassandra as she drifted by with a distinct air of ’See? I told you so.’

She didn’t stop to talk, just drifted down the stairs, and the cousins all followed dutifully behind her.

“Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” she commented, voice still low in the silent house. “The old darning needle story is a real knockout - enough tension to keep the kid from wandering off, dull enough to put ‘em to sleep.”

“You’re a saint,” Cassandra concluded.

“You’ve got skill,” Ashwin agreed.

“I’ve got over ninety years of experience with kids,” Sylvia corrected them. “Now you three keep yourselves out of trouble and have a nice night. And Cassie-“ she added, making eye contact with Cassandra, “take care of yourself.”

“OK,” Cassandra responded sensing a seriousness in the spirit’s tone that sent a small shiver down her spine. G-g’night,” she offered, as Sylvia drifted through the door and into the night.

 

* * *

 

8:00 PM, deep in the woods of Gravity Falls. Mervin stood in a clearing before the elaborate setup he’d spent all day creating. Candles had been placed around the summoning circle, a printed photo fluttering in the night wind. A selfie Cassandra took last year smiled into the sky, eyes scratched over in red marker. Mervin spoke the ancient spell:

“Triangulum, entangulum. Meteforis dominus ventium. Meteforis venetisarium!" He fell to his knees, eyes glowing blue. “ _egassem sdrawkcab, egassem sdrawkcab, egassem sdrawkcab-!_ ” he found himself compelled to chant.

In a jolt the color washed out of the world. When he shook off the effects of the summoning he discovered a whited-out world like a crude graphite drawing, only faint lines where edges of trees or sky or anything should be. Time slowed to a stop. Slowly a black, triangular void grew into existence, rising up from base to apex, and drearily opening a single eye most of the way. This black pit in reality looked down bleakly on Mervin with it’s single eye. It blinked once, and spoke:

“Whadda’ you want, kid?” it sighed.

Mervin stumbled, a little shaken by the casual, long-suffering tone.

“I- I summoned another demon - He-Hectorgon - and he told me to summon you. He- he said you were ancient, all-knowing, powerful-!” he tried to explain.

“Was,” the demon corrected him, “I was powerful. Once. Now I can’t even offer you a full set of deer teeth. Would you settle for a molar?” he asked, a tooth popping out of a doe’s mouth and falling into Mervin’s hand.

“Um, n-no thanks,” he apologized.

“Welp, then there’s not much I can do for you,” the being admitted, starting to close back up into nothingness.

“Wait!” Mervin called in desperation, “I need someone to do something about this frickin’ Pines girl!”

The demon stopped collapsing into nothingness, hesitated, and unfurled back out into a full triangle.

“…What did you say?” he asked, drawing closer to Mervin.

“There’s this girl, Cassandra Pines, and she’s the cool, new, mystery-loving, city kid in town, and that’s supposed to be ME! And she doesn’t even think I’m cool! She just brushes me off-!”

“Any relation to a Stan Pines? Or a _Dipper_?” the triangle asked, looming over Mervin, only a couple inches away from him now, the sheer and utter blackness of its form driving fear into Mervin’s heart.

“Um, I- I think there’s a Stan. Her dad’s name is Abel-“

“What a weird name,” the triangle scoffed, drifting back, away from Mervin, “no wonder he ditched it! A’right kid, you’ve got my interest,” he confirmed, arms and legs forming out of thin, mind-scape air for him to massage his non-existent chin in thought. “I’ll just need you to do some work for me, and then I can help you. Some simple prodding to get the girl where I want her, no biggie. Do we got a deal?” he asked, holding out a black, noodle-esque arm.

There was a hesitation, fear and excitement and adrenaline pumping through Mervin’s veins.

“Deal,” Mervin agreed.

“The name’s Bill, by the way,” the demon added, gaining some brick-looking features and a top hat and bow tie, as blue flame sealed the pact of their handshake, “Bill Cipher. Together, we’ll go places.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CN NIIE NBCLNS SYULM ZIL BCG NI LYNOLH  
> HIQ CN’M NBY JCHYM’ ZUGCFS’M NCGY NI VOLH
> 
> Original Darning Needle Story: http://americanfolklore.net/folklore/2009/05/the_last_darning_needle.html


	10. 3-1-5-19-1-18 1-20-2-1-19-8

_Dipper was driving the car down a long road, Cassandra in the passenger seat. They were in California, and the car was far more reminiscent of his great uncle’s ’Stanley-mobile’ than the family car. He could see his old blue and white cap on his head in the rear-view mirror. They were talking, because why wouldn’t they be? Then they hit something._

**_He_ ** _hit something. (As the driver, it was his responsibility.)_

_Outside of the car, looking around the front bumper, Dipper froze._

_“Hey, Pine Tree,” the yellow, glowing triangle said, lying flat on the road._

 

Abel forced his eyes open and stared at the ceiling for a moment, moonlight lighting the room.

Bill appeared in dreams sometimes, he reminded himself, massaging the bridge of his nose. It probably didn’t mean anything. Particularly back in the falls. It was all just on his mind, that’s why he would dream of Bill. It didn’t mean anything.

It couldn’t mean anything.

He decided to forget about it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ashwin leaned over the arm of the sofa to look into the notebook his cousin was reading,

“What’cha reading today?”

“Glitter Pen found a squad of cloned boy band members. She uses a lot more exclamation points than her brother,” Cassandra noted, laying flat on her stomach across the sofa. ‘Glitter Pen’ was her name for the writer’s sister, since all of her entries or comments were in various neon shades of glitter pen.

“Which notebook is this?”

“Two. But I read this entry already. I’m about three-quarters of the way through this one.”

“Any progress on the codes in the third one?” he added, voice lower. They had agreed, as per the notebooks warnings, not to let on too much to their parents.

Cassandra sat up, shaking her head.

“I have no idea. It’s all gibberish. But I think some of this notebook is in code, too, though,” she added, flipping deeper into the book, “but I think these are simpler. Like this number code from Glitter Pen: _3-15-4-5-19 1-18-5 6-21-14!_ It says-“

She was interrupted by the ring of the doorbell. There was a hesitation in the house before Ashwin’s dad called,

“Could one of you kids get it?”

“Got it!” Ashwin confirmed, heading for the door, Cassandra trailing curiously behind him, though she stopped just outside view of the door.

“Hellooo-oh, hi,” Ashwin said, attention gravitating to the small boy at the door, grinning big.

“Hi!” the boy beamed, “Is Cassandra here?”

“Um,” Ashwin turned back to his cousin.

“What’s up?” Cassandra asked, joining him at the door. “And, er, who are you?”

“Hayes Patric Northwest-Passage!” he stated, offering a hand.

“Well, uh, hi, Hayes,” Cassandra responded, shaking his hand, “what can I do for you?”

“I hear you’re very smart around the paranormal!”

“Um, sure,” Cassandra accepted, befuddled by this kid - so official, but even younger than Faith.

“Well! I’ve seen something!”

“Really?” Cassandra prompted, cracking a smile. She was torn between bemusement at this kids potentially misplaced excitement and thrill at the possibility of another creature or phenomena of the Falls.

“I saw,” he leaned in close, and Cassandra and Ashwin felt compelled to lean in with him, “a _bigfoot_.”

“Hm,” Cassandra acknowledged, thinking it over, “that’s impressive.”

“And I need you guys to help me track it.”

“Really?” Ashwin prompted.

“Yeah. It’s either you or Mervin, and he’s not a lot of fun. He’s all rude and doesn’t pay attention.”

“Sounds about right,” Cassandra muttered. “OK, Hayes,” she concluded, “you got yourself a deal.”

“Faith!” Ashwin hollered, “Come ‘ere!”

The nine year old barreled down the stairs.

“Hey, Hayes!” she chirped, and the group bustled out the door, Hayes rushing up to an older girl about twenty feet from the cabin.

“You got them to come with you?” she asked her little brother, unimpressed and unamused.

Hayes nodded eagerly.

“Do I have to stay with you?”

“Yup. Mom and Dad said you can’t let me out of your sight!” Hayes reminded her. She grunted in distaste.

“I, uh, don’t think we’ve met?” Cassandra piped up, “I’m-“

“Cassandra Pines. I know,” the girl assured her, “Mother insists we could learn a thing or two from your family,” she explained, rolling her eyes.

“You could learn a thing or two,” Hayes corrected her, “Faith and I hang out all the time!”

“Fine. I could learn something,” she reiterated, voice dripping with how ‘over it’ she was. “the name’s Felicity. Felicity Northwest-Passage.”

“O-OK,” Cassandra accepted.

“And if you touch me or my designer shirt you will regret it.”

“Got it,” Cassandra assured her, taking a small step away as they walked down the road.

“Designer?!” Ashwin gasped, “You mean that’s a real Saint Laura shirt? Not imitation? Woah!”

“You know from designer?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow and looking Ashwin up and down.

“Listen, honey,” Ashwin explained, catching her questioning look at his own appearance, “I rock the bargain-chique look out of necessity - there’s only so much money around. And besides, I make the t-shirt/plaid/jeans look work. The tight jeans are what since the deal if you ask me,” he added. “I can rattle off the big names as well as the next fasionista: Pranda, Golce Dabbana, Carmanni, Gooki-“

“Did you know he had this in him?” Cassandra asked Faith, hovering a few steps back with the younger kids as her cousin rattled off fashion trivia.

“Yep. He has a whole shelf of ‘Fouge’ magazines at home.”

“Wow,” Cassandra muttered, “I had no idea. If I ever need to know anything about fashion…”

“Lissy!” Hayes hollered, stopping in his tracks and gaining his sister’s attention. “This is where I saw it! See, look-“ he pulled out his phone and pulled up a video that he held up to Cassandra.

Sure enough, the footage - as shaky as it was - was taken in front of this very strip of trees. As Hayes ran up to the edge of the forrest you could see the odd knot in one and the broken branch of another. There was also no mistaking the tall shadowy creature he was clearly running towards. When it noticed the camera its eyes went wide, it’s arms flew up to it’s chest (putting it in a bit of a t-rex pose) and it quickly turned tail and bolted into the woods. As the camera finally stopped shaking so much you could hear Hayes disappointed ‘aww…’

“That’s actually a pretty good shot,” Cassandra admitted. “that looks like an honest to god bigfoot.”

“Are you sure?” Felicity asked, a little skepticism slipping into her tone, as much as she wanted to keep her brother happy.

“I mean it. I mean, what else would it be?” Cassandra prompted.

“Someone with an unhealthy amount of body hair?” Felicity offered.

“But if that’s the case it means it’s either a reclusive hermit or bigfoot,” Cassandra reasoned, “Either is interesting!”

“I’m not sure I want to meet a hairy hermit,” Ashwin commented.

“It’s bigfoot!” Faith insisted, “We should lay a trap!”

“OK,” Cassandra accepted. “how do you propose we catch a bigfoot?”

“Snare?”

“Pit!”

“Giant. Box.”

“Clampy-thingy!”

“All good suggestions,” Cassandra agreed. “Let’s try them all. Ooh- and a net for good measure. Do you think they’d have all that at The Mystery Shack?”

“They have everything at The Mystery Shack.”

 

* * *

 

“We have most of this,” Stan Ramirez confirmed, leaning on the gift shop counter, “or something that’ll do in a pinch. We definitely have nets and rope, we can lend you a shovel… Not sure about a giant box. Hey, Gabby! Do you think we have a giant box?”

“How big is giant?” his sister asked, strolling in from the museum proper, “I mean, we might have an old refrigerator box?”

“It needs to be big enough for Bigfoot!” Hayes explained.

“Hm. Well, I’m not to sure if we’ve got something that big,” Gabby admitted, “But you could maybe break down five smaller boxes, flatten ‘em out, make a real big one…”

“Also do you think we have a bear trap?”

“Uh…” Gabby considered it a moment, glanced over the gaggle of children asking for said bear trap, and concluded: “No.”

 

* * *

 

The kids gathered again in a clearing in the forrest,

“Everybody got your traps set up?” Cassandra asked.

“Yep!” Faith confirmed, having helped Ashwin build a huge box. They had left a Twinkie as bait.

Hayes nodded enthusiastically, hands muddy from digging a hole to cover with foliage.

“I guess,” Felicity sighed.

“Okie-dokie! Sounds like everything is ready to go! Felicity, did you get the cameras?”

Felicity stuck out a hand, extremely unimpressed, and a drone descended from the sky, placing a box in her outstretched hand.

“Duh,” she retorted, opening the box and walking off with a camera to add by her snare.

“It must be nice to be rich,” Ashwin sighed.

“It’s pretty sweet,” Hayes agreed, snatching up a camera and scampering off.

With cameras secured by each trap the cousins returned to the clearing, huddling around Felicity’s tablet which showed the video feed.

“D’ya think it’ll show up?” Hayes prompted.

“Who knows,” Cassandra shrugged, “bigfoot- er, bigfoots- bigfeet? What’s the proper plural? - they’re very secretive creatures. Real hard to catch. I’m impressed you even got such good footage!”

“Thanks for letting him down easy,” Felicity whispered to her, leaning away from the group.

“Hey, whatever,” Cassandra shrugged, “it’s true!”

 

They sat staring at that screen for a long time. By the time they reached the half hour mark everyone had started playing games or watching videos on their phones, half-watching the feed at best. Almost 45 minutes had passed when Felicity sat up, staring at the screen intently.

“What is it?” Ashwin asked.

“Wasn’t there a twinkie under the box?” she noted.

“Yeah, there was,” Ashwin agreed.

“It’s gone!” Faith gasped.

“I- I’m not, like, super sure, or anything, but I might’ve, maybe, _possibly_ seen some movement on that screen a second ago.”

“Weird,” Cassandra breathed.

They all zeroed their attention to the tablet and sat as silent as possible.

Then Hayes let out a war cry.

The whole group whirled around to find Hayes clinging to the leg of a tall, furry creature.

The creature looked down at Hayes.

They all stared at the creature.

The creature stared at the huddle group of kids.

Everyone screamed very loud, high-pitched screams.

Over the screaming, Hayes hollered:

“ARE YOU BIGFOOT?”

A hush fell over the group, waiting with bated breath for the answer.

“Yes?” The creature offered, in a voice that sounded much more like it would come out of a midwestern PTA mom than a lumbering, 6’6”, furry creature.

“Really?” Hayes beamed, still clinging to her leg.

“Really?” Felicity echoed incredulously.

“Really!” she responded, picking Hayes up and holding him in one arm. “I live ‘round here, along with Harold and the kids. We keep to ourselves, ya’know.”

“Wow,” Cassandra breathed, grinning big, “it’s a pleasure to meet you!” she added, “What’s your name?”

“Oh, I’m Wilma.”

“Cassandra,” Cassie returned, shaking the creature’s hand.

“Ya’know I’m real impressed with you kids - it’s not everyday somebody gets a grip on a sasquatch leg!” she noted, giving Hayes a tap on the nose, “One of the last people to manage that was that ol’ Pines fellow who used to run around here!”

“Pines?” Cassandra asked, “We’re Pines,” she explained, gesturing between her and her cousins.

“Well, actually, we’re Howleys, but our mom is a Pines,” Ashwin clarified.

“Well ain’t that neat! He was lovely guy - real polite. Had interesting hands, too-“

“Great-grunkle Ford?!” Cassandra piped up, “Woah! I knew he used to live up here, but- wow! That’s so cool!”

Something beeped, gaining everyone’s attention.

Wilma pulled up a wrist and tutted to herself,

“Well don’t’cha know it, it’s time to go pick up little Isaac. It’s been a real blast getting to meet you kids! Now, would you mind keeping this our little secret?” she added, setting Hayes down.

“Yes ma’am!” he chirped, giving her a very serious nod of assurance.

“You got it,” Cassandra agreed.

The rest offered mumbled ‘yes’s and nods.

“Well that’s just swell! Maybe I’ll see you around sometime,”

“OK!” Faith squeaked, and in a few long strides Wilma’s brown fur had dissolved into the forrest, camouflaged in the trees.

“Well that was cool!” Cassandra concluded.

“That was AWESOME!” Hayes seconded.

 

* * *

 

As they left the forrest someone jogged up to the group,

“Pines!” he barked.

“What’s up, Mervin?” Cassandra asked half-heartedly.

“What’ve you been up to this fine day?” he prompted.

“Eh, nothing much,” Cassandra shrugged. The last person that needed to know that sasquatch were real was Mervin.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Well, uh, I got this thing I want you to look at-“

“Not now, man,” Ashwin stepped in, “get back to us later.”

“But-“

“He said _later_ ,” Felicity reiterated.

“Fine,” Mervin huffed. “I’ll talk to you _later_.”

“See ya’, dude!” Cassandra offered with a wave as they headed for home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE DPOE DOKS IR UWLK ELIALY TFWAE DI WJ SJT  
> WD LSWED DPSY UWJ EWY DPWD DPWD DPSY KWTS W RSA RFOSJTE


	11. QHJDWLYH FDHVDU DWEDVK

Cassandra answered her phone as soon as she read the caller ID - Meranda.

“Hi!”

“Hey,” Meranda responded, “guess what?”

“What?”

“I’m all patched up! I was patched up yesterday, but the ladies had to make sure the cut wouldn’t open again. Turns out, I’ve got a clean bill of health! I’m going home!”

“Cool!” Cassandra managed, hoping her brief hesitation hadn’t given away the slight sinking in her gut. “Oh man, that’s great,” she assured Meranda.

“Yeah! We’re heading to the dock in just a little bit.”

“But- what about the thing in the lake?”

“I’m sure I can take it! Plus, Ms. Candy says she’s rigged me something up to shoot at it if I’ve gotta’.”

“Oh, cool.”

“You wanna’ come see me off? And your cousins wanna’ come, too?”

“Oh! Yeah, definitely,” Cassandra agreed, “I’ll be there. I’ll see if my cousins can make it.”

“Awesome! See ya’ there around… one.”

“OK, you got it. See you there.”

“Bye!”

“Bye…” Cassandra let her face fall a little as Meranda hung up.

“What’s going on up there?” Ashwin called, reclined on his bed several feet below her.

“Meranda’s going back to sea.”

“Oh! Oh,” Ashwin altered his tone, realizing what it meant for the two girls. “I’m sure Ms. Candy can find some way for you to communicate,” he offered.

“Yeah,” Cassandra accepted, unable to avoid the hint of wistfulness in her tone.

“Seriously,” Ashwin insisted, “it’ll be OK. Long distance relationships aren’t impossible!”

“I know, but… interspecies?”

“If it could happen anywhere, it could happen in Gravity Falls.”

“But we don’t _live_ in Gravity Falls!” Cassandra reminded him. “Can long-distance, interspecies relationships work from Piedmont California?!”

“Probably! You’re, like, half an hour from the beach!”

“Good point.”

“Are you guys even really dating?” Faith piped up, taking her attention from her lavishly illustrated guide to dinosaurs.

Cassandra groaned, throwing a pillow over her head,

“No,” she admitted through the pillow. “We’re like-“ she yanked the pillow off, realizing how much it screwed up breathing. “we’re friends, but she’s cute, and maybe she thinks I’m cute? I don’t know-!” she groaned.

“Alright, well, I don’t think I can stand your moping all day,” Ashwin decided, “while your love life is falling apart, I’m going to try to fix someone’s up! Today shall be a busy day for-“

“Oh no,” Faith sighed, “not-“

“Ashwin Howley: Love Master!”

“Do you really call yourself that?” Cassandra asked, pulled out of her misery by the sheer ridiculousness of her cousin’s title.

“Yes! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got work to do! Also I bet there’s a lot of lonely saps at the diner, and I’m really Jonesingfor some pancakes.”

He strode out of the room and Cassandra turned to Faith,

“Does he do this often?”

“Yep.”

 

* * *

 

Ashwin sauntered into Greasy’s Diner and sat down at the counter with all the apparent confidence of a kid really apparently trying to look confident and suave.

“Well hey there, handsome! What can I do ya’ for?” Old Lady Susan asked, smiling genially at Ashwin.

“Ms. Susan you are looking lovely today!” he beamed. He was full of charm and willing to dole it out to anyone who was would take it. “Could I bother you for a short stack of pancakes?”

“Short stack, coming right up!” she smiled back, shuffling off into the kitchen.

Ashwin wondered how likely it was that he would actually get a short stack - word was Susan had been a little loopy for years, and age probably wasn’t helping matters. He swiveled the creaky old stool around to survey the diner - surely someone here was eating comfort food to combat their woes. He zeroed in on a single person in a booth - dark clothes, sullen attitude, practically a dark cloud over her head. Perfect!

As he tried to get a better look, she looked up - not in his direction, thankfully - and he got a glimpse of multicolored hair and a heart-shaped pendant. So it was Lilith! He hesitated a moment, realizing that maybe she always had a metaphorical dark cloud over her head. But even if she wasn’t in need of emotional support, it might be good to talk to her to help him think of her more as a person than as a terrible girl with a leg up in the competition for Paul’s affection. Cassandra had suggested he try to humanize her, anyway.

Old Lady Susan put his plate on the counter, regaining his attention.

“Thanks, doll!” he beamed, “How much? I’m headed over to that table-“

“Just a short stack? 5.67.”

Ashwin fumbled with his wallet for a moment, leaving an extra buck for tip.

“Thanks Susan, stay beautiful!” he told her, grabbing his plate and scampering over to Lilith’s booth, slowing down as he got closer to better feign casualness.

Lilith jumped as the young teenager sat down across from her.

“So, how’s your morning?” Ashwin asked, as though the two of them were the closest of friends and this was not at all weird to just sit down across the table from almost a complete stranger.

“…fine…” Lilith responded with great hesitation before cutting right to the chase: “who are you and why are you sitting here?”

“I’m Ashwin Howley,” he introduced himself, cutting into his pancakes, “I’m friends with Paul, maybe he’s mentioned me-“

“Oh, you’re one of the Pines kids,” Lilith said, “yeah, I know about you guys.”

“Well, I mean, my last name is really Howley, but, you know…” he pointed out. He’d been lumped into ‘Pines’ since they’d gotten here. For some reason that name carried some power.

“Yeah, sure, OK.”

“So, uh, any significance to that cool necklace?” Ashwin asked, aiming for small-talk.

“Hm? Oh, my dad gave it to me a while back,” she explained, glancing down at the charm, “The symbol means something to him, and I mean, it’s kinda’ cool - a stitched up bleeding heart. I wore it to be nice, but it sorta’ fits my aesthetic anyway, you know? I- Hang on, what do you want, kid?” Lilith asked, sensing ulterior motives, or at least something the kid wasn’t telling her.

“Well, you looked a little bummed out, and I happen to be a pretty good counselor - particularly in matters of romance, if you have any problems there - so I thought-“

Lilith snorted,

“You’re what, twelve?”

“I’m fifteen!” Ashwin shot back.

“Still, I doubt you have a hell of a lot of experience in this area.”

“ _Please_ , I come from orange county public schools. I bet we’ve got way more action that you do in this little Podunk-“

Lilith forced a hand over his mouth,

“Jesus, kid! I get your point, but what do you think you’re doing? Don’t insult the town in Greasy’s Diner! That’s suicide!”

Ashwin pushed her hand away and continued,

“Point is, I can take whatever drama your life can dish out.”

“Oh, please. You’re just a city slicker. What you have in volume we can make up for in interpersonal relationships. You know everybody, somehow or another. Particularly if your family runs the funeral home, weirdly enough. For example,” she began, looking out into the diner, “I have chem with her, she was my best friend in second grade (before a falling out over glitter pens), he was in bio and art with me last year, he tripped and fell in the cafeteria two years ago and we still won’t let it go, and the kid behind the counter is a grammar wiz but a math dunce so he’s been held back and skipped a grade. Don’t even get me started on everybody else’s kids! I’ve babysat for at least three different people in here.”

“Wow,” Ashwin acknowledged.

“And I don’t like babysitting,” she added.

“Hey, about that, do other kids in this town have psychic amulets, or-?”

Her concerned stare told him all he needed to know.

“ _Anyways_ , that’s your social life, but what about your _romantic_ life?”

Lilith groaned.

“Not good?”

“Long and complicated,” she elaborated. “and I bet if you did the math, more bad than good.”

“Alright, so, what’s your most recent, er, problem?”

“You mean breakup?”

“Uh, yeah, kinda’.”

Lilith sighed,

“I guess you’re leaving town,” she admitted. Ashwin dug into his pancakes, preparing for a tale of woe. “So, his name was Brad,”

Ashwin winced - very little good ever happened for anyone dating an ‘-ad’ in high school.

“He was a guitarist in a punk band, which was pretty sweet. He could play pretty well, and he looked great-“

“Do you have a picture?” Ashwin asked.

“Uh, not really,” Lilith responded.

Ashwin gestured with his fork for her to continue.

“he was from out of town, too. He was the total package.”

“So what happened?” Ashwin asked, pancake stuffed in his cheeks.

“He kind of forgot I existed at all. He also got really moody if I skipped even one show, and I think I was just kinda’ arm candy to him.”

“That sucks,” Ashwin assured her.

“Yeah, it does. So, that was the end of him. End of the school year I ditched him. He seemed surprised, but not really upset or anything. I found another punk chick in like a week-“

“Woah, woah, woah!” Ashwin interjected, “Do you stalk exes online?”

“Yeah,” Lilith admitted.

“That’s rule number one of breakups! Never stalk the ex! You know they’re terrible! Don’t stalk them!”

“I know, but-“

“You gotta’ get yourself a monitor! I get my little sister to do it. She keeps tabs on me. It’s annoying, but I think it really does help me get over stuff like that.”

“I could probably ask Paul,” she acknowledged.

“Yeah, he’d probably be good for that,” Ashwin admitted begrudgingly. “So, are you looking for rebound dates?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, “I think I may’ve dated all the dateable guys in town.”

“Is that possible?!” Ashwin gasped, “I don’t think it is! We shall comb the town for other guys with potential!”

“In my age range.”

“In your age range,” he agreed.

 

* * *

 

Faith watched Cassandra as she packed her backpack. She was working a lot slower than usual - without the common yay-a-mystery energy.

“Can I come with you to see the mermaid?” Faith asked.

“Sure,” Cassandra responded, flipping absently through the second notebook.

“You’re gonna’ miss her?”

“Yeah.”

“You know, Mom used to tell me stories about mermaids. She said they have magic message bottles that can find you wherever there’s water!”

“That’d be nice, but I’m not sure aunt Mabel knows from mermaids.”

“You never know,” Faith shrugged.

“I guess not,” Cassandra acknowledged, learning her little cousin out of the room, ready to head out.

 

* * *

 

When Cassandra and Faith pulled up in the golf cart Candy and her wife were already there, with Meranda in a cooler on the dock. The three waved eagerly, and the cousins returned the gesture.

“Ready?” Layla asked.

“Born ready!” Meranda cheered.

Cassandra nodded, managing a smile.

“Take this,” Candy said, handing Cassandra a device that looked a lot like a speed gun, but at the same time not quite.

Cassandra gave Candy a confused look.

“You will escort Meranda to where the river feeds into the lake. Just in case that big scary monster comes back.” Candy winked at Cassandra, and Cassandra looked down at Meranda in the cooler.

“Let’s go!” the mermaid beamed.

“OK,” Cassandra agreed.

That was all the encouragement Meranda needed. In an almost startlingly fluid movement she leapt from the cooler and over the dock into the lake. Cassandra hopped in after her.

“Thanks for taking care of me,” Meranda smiled up at Candy and Layla.

“Anytime,” Layla assured her.

“It was our pleasure,” Candy agreed.

“Bye Meranda!” Faith waved.

“Bye Faith,” Meranda smiled back. “see ya’ around.”

“OK!” Faith chirped.

“Come on, bodyguard,” Meranda added, nudging Cassandra.

The pair swam deeper into the lake, Meranda ducking under the water and circling her slower, human companion incrementally.

“You know, I think the thing that bit you may’ve been called the Gobblewonker,” Cassandra noted after a little while.

“What a name,” Meranda snorted.

“Yeah,” Cassandra agreed, her breath a little short. Swimming and talking at once was a little difficult. “though the notebooks say it was a robot. But the guy who ran it stopped, so maybe- maybe there’s a real one.”

“You love all that mystery stuff, don’t you?” Meranda noted, swimming backward to face Cassandra.

“Yeah,” Cassandra confirmed.

“Is that why you like me so much?”

“H-huh?!” Cassandra faltered a little.

“Oh, come on! You’ve been my best friend since I got here! Nobody else even gave me a second look once I told ‘em to get lost! You’re the most persistent person I met!”

“Well, you were kinda’ suspicious,” Cassandra pointed out.

“And cute, by the sound of it.”

“Your words, not mine,” Cassandra retorted.

“The river’s mouth is right up there,” Meranda told her, as the water began to get a little choppier. “you should probably head back.”

“So, this is kinda’… goodbye.”

“Kinda’,” Meranda admitted, “but, I mean, Ms. Candy gave me a cellphone optimized for underwater use. I can always call you. And if that doesn’t work I can send you a message in a bottle. Those things can find you anywhere.”

“Ok. I live kinda’ close to the ocean, around the coast,”

“I’ll visit you! As long as I don’t have to get out of the water.”

“No problem,” Cassandra assured her.

There was a moment between the two, in the quiet of the lake, pretty far out from the docks.

“See ya’ round, I guess,” Cassandra prompted.

A grin flashed across Meranda’s face and she pulled Cassandra close, placing a kiss on her lips,

“It’s been a blast, Cassandra,” she agreed before beginning to swim toward the river,“don’t be a stranger.”

“N-no problem,” Cassandra stammered.

“I’ll call you when I get home safe.”

“That’d be great.”

“Bye, Cassie.”

“Bye, Meranda.”

And in a flick of a scaly tail, Meranda was gone.

Cassandra had paddled a little ways back toward the dock when Candy, Layla and Faith met her with a paddleboat.

 

* * *

 

Ashwin sat on a park bench with Lilith, watching the passersby.

“What about that guy?” he asked.

“Him? He’s, like, sixteen.”

“Wow, he’s tall.”

“Yeah. He’s a gangly guy.”

“That guy, then?”

“Dated him,” Lilith retorted, “he dumped me for some pink-haired poser.”

Ashwin wasn’t going to comment that at least half of Lilith’s hair looked pretty pink to him, but on second thought, maybe it was magenta…

“Ooh! He’s even kinda’ edgy and stuff, what about him?” Ashwin prompted.

“Oh, him? He’s a poser. All he’s got is a band shirt! He’s not committed.”

“He has dark hair,” Ashwin pointed out.

“Oh, it’s naturally that way.”

“Ah,” Ashwin responded. He rubbed his head in mild exasperation, “run your standards by me again?” he asked. The sheer amount of guys they’d considered that hadn’t passed was starting to wear on him.

“Tall, dark, handsome, not a jerk.”

“Right…” Ashwin confirmed, trying to put together a mental list of all the things that hadn’t worked with other guys: too young, no hygiene, poser, too short, too much of a dork, not dark enough, too dark, known jerk-wad, a scrawny wimp - “What was wrong with the tall guy with the black and red hair?”

“He’s just in town for the summer.”

“So?”

“I don’t do long distance. I tried that once, it didn’t work out.”

“OK,” Ashwin sighed, “so we need somebody strong, tall, dark, handsome, stable-“

“I never said anything about stability,” Lilith pointed out.

“Maybe, but by the sound of your exes you could do with some stability.”

Lilith frowned at the indirect insult just tossed at her by a fifteen year old.

“Handsome, stable, seventeen or older, not too far away… hm. You know, I’m not sure we’ve seen anybody of that description.”

“My problem exactly,” Lilith agreed.

“Because anyone stable isn’t dark, a lot of people your age are already taken, handsomeness is _extremely_ relative… It might be hopeless. You’re sure you can’t do long distance?”

“Positive.”

The pair sat there, discouraged.

“Hey, guys!”

They both snapped to attention as Paul strolled over.

“I never would’ve expected to see the two of you hanging out. What brings you together?”

Both teens froze up, not wanting to say ‘Lilith is searching for potential boyfriends.’

“Pancakes,” Ashwin finally blurted.

“What?” Paul snorted, “Sounds like a story you’ll have to tell me later. I’m grabbing some stuff for Mom from the hardware store. She’ll kill me if I don’t make good time. See ya’ round!” he added, tossing a wave over his shoulder as he walked away.

The pair sat there for a moment before Lilith commented,

“Paul’s cool.”

A thought occurred to Ashwin. He didn’t want to be right, but he went down the list anyway: Tall, handsome, seventeen or older, lives close by, stable…

“You need a guy like Paul,” Ashwin realized, his heart sinking.

“Oh, yeah, that’d be pretty good. God, if I could find a punker like Paul…“

He didn’t even need to be punk, Ashwin realized. In fact, it might be better if she didn’t date a member of a goth punk band. That had never worked out well for her. There was no avoiding it.

Ashwin took a deep breath.

“You have no idea how much it pains me to say this, but… you should date Paul.”

“What?” Lilith went wide-eyed, as if this was occurring to her for the first time.

“I mean it. I know he doesn’t meet all your must-haves, but you guys know each other so well, and he’d be so good for you by the sound of it, and I hate that I’m saying this but you should date Paul.”

“Wow, that’d be bizarre.”

“Just- consider it. Do it for me. He’s a really good guy, and you guys kinda’ deserve each other with the whole ‘kid-next-door’ narrative, and you should just try it.”

“You know, you might be onto something.”

“You think I don’t know that? He’s attractive, and stable, and knows you inside and out and as much as I wish it wasn’t true you’re perfect for each other. Just promise you’ll do good by him.”

Now, Lilith was not blind or deaf, and she stared at this kid who clearly had a crush on Paul and felt the seriousness in him. So she matched his seriousness in her response.

“I’ll try my best. I mean it. I care about him too, you know,” she pointed out, patting him on the shoulder. “I promise, kid. I’ll do the best I can.”

“Thanks,” Ashwin mumbled.

 

* * *

 

Cassandra walked into the shared bedroom, still damp around the edges, to find Ashwin lying on the bed, laced fingers resting across his stomach, staring at the ceiling.

“How was _your_ day?” she asked, climbing up the ladder to the loft.

“Well, I may have helped someone find the love of her life, but I may have given away my dream man in the process.”

“That’s rough,” Cassandra acknowledged. “I helped a friend get home, but I kinda’ don’t know if I’ll ever see her again.”

“Bummer.”

“Though I did get my first kiss,” she added.

Ashwin sat up,

“You did?!”

“Yeah,” Cassandra confirmed, a little smile sneaking its way onto her face.

“You had your first kiss with a mermaid?! Awesome!” Ashwin cheered, standing up on his bed and holding up a hand.

Stretching down from her loft Cassandra accepted the high-five. The two had a little joy in the midst of their melancholy.

 

…

… …

… … …

 

_Dipper was driving the car down a long road, Cassandra in the passenger seat. They were in California, and the car was the ’Stanley-mobile.’He could see his old blue and white cap on his head. They were talking._

_He hit something._

_As he left the car, around the bumper, he realized what was happening. He’d had this dream before._

_“Hey, Pine Tree,” the yellow, glowing triangle said, lying flat on the road._

_Dipper jerked back, but he didn’t wake up._

_“Had to try a little harder to keep you under this time,” Bill elaborated, drifting up to Dipper’s eye level, “I would’ve thought in your old age you’d be a deep sleeper.”_

_“Bill,” Dipper snarled._

_“Hey, yeah, good to see you to. You holding up well?”_

_“None of your damn business.”_

_“Fine, be that way,” the demon shrugged._

_“Get out of my head,” he demanded._

_“Make me,” Bill retorted._

_“We defeated you, you deranged nacho. How are you even here?”_

_“Well, actually, it’s a courtesy. See, I have a beef with you, but I’ve actually been commissioned to mess with her,” Bill explained, tossing a gesture at Cassandra through the car windshield, frozen in the interrupted dream._

_Dipper couldn’t think of anything to say._

_“And you know,” Bill continued, “she’s all alone. She doesn’t have that nice partner-in-crime you just happened to be born with. She’s_

_far_

_more_

**_vulnerable_ ** _.”_

_Dipper noticed blood dripping down from somewhere concealed by Cassie’s hairline. “Whoops, looks like she cracked her head on the dashboard!” Bill commented. “You should take better care of your kid, Pine Tree.”_

 

Abel sat bolt upright, breath shallow. Bill’s words echoed in his mind, the image of bleeding Cassandra still fresh. He glanced at Christy lying beside him; he thanked any higher power bothering to listen that she was still asleep.

This was no accident, no trick of the sub-conscious. This was Bill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EOI ZLYCQ OX ZYCJV EOI ZOP’J SPOG GVE  
>  BYGCLY JVY BYCKJ GUJV TIKJ OPY YEY


	12. Dw-Fdhv-qxpehu

The family sat around the breakfast table the next morning. Cassandra ate quickly, Ashwin working to keep up (or at least make sure he got fed before his cousin dragged him out the door.)

“Where are you guys headed today?” his dad, Matt, asked, eating his own breakfast and glancing through The Gravity Falls Gossiper.

“Out into the woods again,” Ashwin told him, before noticing how little food Cassandra had left and eating most of a muffin in one bite.

“You guys sure spend a lot of time out there,” Christy noted. “it’s good to see you getting outside, Cassie.”

“Mm-hm,” Cassandra grunted in agreement, before gulping down some water for good measure.

“Gimme’ five minutes,” Ashwin insisted when Cassandra hopped up from the table.

“OK, I’ll go pack up,” Cassandra decided, striding from the room.

As soon as she returned, backpack over her shoulder and blue and white cap stuck on her head, Ashwin hopped up, aware that his cousin was so excited she might explode, and Faith stuffed her mouth with as much of the food on her plate as she could manage before hurrying after them.

“I remember when we had that much energy,” Mabel mused, giving her bother a playful jab.

Abel just ‘hm’ed back in acknowledgement. He had only had a cup of coffee all morning, and had spent most of his time holding that mug and staring distractedly at the wall.

“Hey, Mabel, can I talk to you for a second?” he prompted, taking his sister aside. She didn’t hesitate - if Abel was this out of it something was probably wrong. Or at least important. Her concerns only multiplied as he lead her as far away from their spouses as possible.

“Mabel, I’m worried.”

“About what?” she asked, trying to play it off but sensing the severity of his tone.

“I- I had a dream last night. A dream with Bill.”

“Di- Abel, you’ve had Bill dreams on and off for years! You know they don’t mean anything.”

“Usually they don’t,” he agreed, “but I had the same dream twice this time. And it wasn’t one of those where I just know that Bill was in it, or where I relieve some even more twisted version of weirdmageddon, or any of those probably-normal-dreams ones. He spoke to me. We held a conversation.”

Mabel’s face fell. He was serious.

“And if he’d just been screwing with me that would’ve been fine - I could shrug that off. But he said Cassie- Cassie’s in danger. Mabel, he said he was going to hurt Cassie.”

“She’ll be fine,” she tried to reassure him, “for one thing, we defeated Bill. Even if he isn’t totally dead I’m sure he’s stripped of most of his power. He can’t come into the physical world, anyway! He can’t do anything to Cassie. And she has her cousins and most of the mythical creatures to keep an eye on her. Everything will be OK!”

“I don’t know, Mabel…”

“We could call Wendy, get the Corduroys to keep a real sharp eye out. Heck, the whole _town_ is keeping an eye on our kids! And with out the society of the blind eye everybody knows about the weird stuff. There’s nowhere safer for her than in Gravity Falls.”

“I guess so…”

“I _know_ so,” Mabel emphasized. “she’ll be fine, bro-bro. I promise.”

 

* * *

 

The cousins were barely out of sight of the rental cabin when a familiar, not-entirely-welcome voice hollered at them.

“H-hey, Pines!”

Cassandra grunted in resigned distaste as Mervin jogged up to them,

“Listen, you said I could show you this thing later, and it’s later now. So! I found this neat old statue in the forrest. I think it might be some kind of occult thing, c’mon you gotta’ come see it!”

“Occult?” she echoed, her curiosity slipping out in spite of herself.

Mervin nodded enthusiastically.

“Alright, this I gotta’ see,” she admitted. Today’s awesome adventure could wait for the time it would take to see an occult relic. “but if it’s just an old St. Francis with graffiti on it, I swear-“

“No, no, cooler than that! I promise!” he insisted, leading them into the woods.

Cassandra was starting to feel like they might be walking in circles, and was about to ask if Mervin really knew where he was going, when they stepped out of the trees and into a clearing.

“Tah-da!” he beamed, standing beside a stone carving stuck in the grass. “I think it’s some sort of likeness of a higher being.”

“I- I’ve never seen anything like it,” Cassandra admitted, walking circles around it and looking it over. It seemed to be a one-eyed triangle with a top hat. It had some discoloration with age, moss had consumed a good portion of it, and the top hat was chipped. It had a hand outstretched, and Cassandra couldn’t decide if it looked more likejazz hands or an offer of a handshake. (The former, she thought, was funnier.) “I mean, I guess, if we’re honest with ourselves, it could be some abandoned modern art or something,” she noted.

“But- but what if it isn’t?” Mervin prompted, “I bet it’s from an ancient religion.”

“What?” Cassandra snorted, “It looks old, but not ancient! Wouldn’t it be all the way buried if it was ’ancient’?”

“Well- still, it’s cool!”

“Yeah, it’s neat,” Cassandra accepted.

“Dare you to shake it’s hand,” Mervin added.

Cassandra raised an eyebrow,

“Why ‘dare’? Would I look stupid? Did you see a bird poop on it or something?”

“No, no!” Mervin insisted, “Just, like, what if it’s some ‘ancient evil’ just waiting to be awakened?” he elaborated in a joking tone.

“Pshh, as if,” Cassandra retorted, taking the stone hand. “see? Nothing hap-“

In a flash all the color was drained from the world, and an energy rose up from the stone statue, growing from a black dot, to a triangle black enough to be a hole in space and time itself, before bursting into a triangular, yellow being with black noodle arms and legs, and a top hat and bow tie for good measure. The spitting image of the stone carving.

The demon laughed a good natured laugh, though it had a little bit of an edge to it. And Mervin was relieved to realize that Bill hadn’t lied - this was different from when he’d first summoned the dream demon. Instead of a faded graphite sketch the world resembled more of an old black-and-white photograph, and Bill himself now popped with color. He had grown stronger through being freed from the stone.

“Wow!” Bill burst, “Boy is it good to be back! You get a cramp holding your arm out that long! Woah, hey,” he noted, catching the stunned, concerned looks on the three cousins’ faces, “no worries kiddos,” he addressed the trio, “I ain’t gonna’ hurt ya’, heck, I’m just glad to be free!” he assured them, drifting up to Cassandra, “Nice birthmark, kid,” he noted, tossing a gesture at her arm, “Orion, the huntsman. Bet you’re a good monster hunter! And a mark like that makes you a weird-y, just like me!” he boasted, “I would wink, but I’ve only got one eye. Point is, you’ll do amazing things! Trust me, this eye’s all-seeing!” he added, giving her a playful jab in the side.

“Th-thanks,” Cassandra responded, watching the glowing, yellow being with interest, confusion, and a little bit of awe.

Mervin had to work hard to hold back his jealousy. Even when he hired a demon to screw her up she got more praise than him. He had to remember that this was all part of the plan;

_“You gotta’ get ‘em to trust you. Drag ‘em in, hook, line, and sinker!”_ Bill had told him. Mervin glanced at his gloved hands; he was weird, too, and he and Bill were after the same thing. Bill was on his side, not hers.

“Well, I really appreciate the freedom, kids, but I gotta’ get going,” Bill admitted, “I’ve been stuck here far too long! So much to do! So much to see! See ya’round, Sapling, short-stack, Protostar! I got my eye on you!”

And in a blinding flash he was gone, and the world was colorful again.

The sounds of nature were all that could be heard in the clearing as the kids stared, stunned, at where Bill had been just moments before.

“That was… something,” Cassandra decided, shaking the effects away. “H-how long do you think he’d been in there? I mean, there’s no mention in the notebooks,” she confirmed, flipping through the first one, “so probably more than thirty years! Maybe fifty! Maybe a hundred! This is fascinating! I’ve gotta’ look into this,” she realized. “wow, Mervin! For once you found something actually cool!” she acknowledged, giving him a pat on the shoulder. “Hey, listen, we were gonna’ go track down a secret hideout from these notebooks, you wanna’ come?”

“What?” Mervin and Ashwin spluttered.

“Yeah, why not? You showed us something cool, we may as well return the favor.”

“OK, what is it?” Mervin asked, trotting along beside the group.

“So, I was reading the second notebook,” Cassandra explained, pulling out the blue book and flipping to the back pages, “and it talks about this secret base hidden under a tree! It says it used to be a bunker, but the writer and his sister refurbished it to make it an awesome clubhouse! I have no idea how it will have held up after almost thirty years - this is dated around 2016 - but it tells you the location! But only in relation to The Mystery Shack. We’re meeting Elowen there ‘cause she knows from trees, so she might be better at spotting an out of place tree.”

“A secret base?” Mervin reiterated, “That’s amazing! I’ve only read about potential hiding spots, never a real, live base!”

“Yeah, it’s pretty sweet,” Cassandra grinned. “I’m hoping there’ll be cool artifacts down there. Maybe a hint to the writer’s past! I mean, I have no idea who wrote these!” she pointed out, brandishing a notebook. “Or what they were doing in The Shack basement! Or why there’s a basement in The Shack!”

“There’s a basement in The Shack?!” Mevin squawked.

Cassandra regretted mentioning that, and worked quickly to find a diversion.

“Hey, there’s Elowen!” she blurted as they reached The Shack. Cassandra rushed up to her friend, “Are you ready to find a secret base?”

“What’s Mervin doing here?”

“Eh, I thought I’d bring him along,” Cassandra shrugged. “he found something that was actually cool for once, so I thought I’d humor him.”

“Really?” Elowen prompted.

Cassandra shrugged again.

“Whatever,” Elowen accepted, “If it’s fine with you, I guess I’m cool with it. It’s your mystery,” she acknowledged, as Cassandra turned to the mishmash of directions and map parts in the second notebook. “but how do we know if this thing is even still intact? It’s been what, twenty some odd years since those notebooks were written.”

“That’s part of the fun of it!” Cassandra retorted, heading into the woods, “It ads to the sense of mystery!”

“I’m just saying, it could’ve caved in, or it could just be the equivalent of somebody’s dusty basement. I just don’t want you to be disappointed.”

“Even if it’s not in tip-top shape that could just raise more mysteries!” Cassandra told her, “I think anything in there could be cool.”

“Whatever you say,” she shrugged.

“I don’t quite get it either,” Ashwin muttered to Elowen. “but a secret base sounds cool.”

“Oh, hell yeah,” Elowen agreed.

“How’s your bother?” Ashwin added.

“Uh, which one?” Elowen responded.

“Paul.”

“Oh, he’s good, as far as I know. He’s been hanging out with Stacey more-“

“Who’s Stacey?” Ashwin asked.

“Stacey? You know, Stacey Valentino? Oh! Right, sorry, Lilith. Lilith’s been hanging around more.”

“Oh, oh cool.”

“So you said something about a basement-?” Mervin started to ask, but Cassandra found another diversion.

“Hey, guys! Start looking around for weird tree branches!” she ordered, “I think we’re coming up on the base!”

All heads immediately went up toward the sky.

“Does it say about how high up it is?” Elowen asked.

“Nope. But it’s up there - somebody had to shimmy up the tree with a belt to reach it.”

“That branch looks like a hand!” Faith pointed out.

Everyone turned to where she was pointing.

“Oh, yeah, it totally does,” Cassandra acknowledged. “But that’s not what we need, unfortunately.”

“That one looks rusted,” Elowen noticed.

“Really?” the rest of the group asked, clumping around her.

“Yeah. And I think I see a screw.”

Mervin knocked on the tree trunk,

“Yep, that’s metal alright.”

“That’s gotta’ be it,” Cassandra concluded. “But we have to hit it - make it shift up.”

“I went to lumberjack camp, but I’m not sure I could pull that off,” Elowen admitted.

“Do we have to go home now?” Ashwin asked.

“Never!” Mervin insisted.

“Hey, you don’t make that call,” Cassandra retorted. “but no, we’re not giving up yet. We just have to figure out how to- geez, I don’t know, climb a nearby tree? Toss a rope up the- no, wait, the lever goes up, not down. Maybe if we-“

“FIRE IN THE HOLE!” Faith shrieked, sprinting back into the clearing and hurling a rock a the funky branch. It hit a foot or two below the lever, but the group was enthralled.

“I like the way you think,” Elowen concluded, pulling a hatchet out of her bag.

“You carry that around all the time?!” Mervin yelped.

“You bet! Everybody DUCK!” she hollered.

You didn’t have to tell anybody twice. She hurled the tool and it bounced off the fake tree, sticking into the ground several feet away. There was a ‘thunk’, and everyone looked up as the tree began to sink into the ground. Elowen grabbed her hatchet and the group gathered by the edge of the pit being formed around the sinking tree. They watched it sink deeper and deeper before Ashwin spoke up,

“It’s a staircase!”

“And we’re going to follow it!” Cassandra decided, whipping out a flashlight and heading for the top step. Faith followed right on her tail, giddy with excitement, and the rest of the group stepping cautiously down the wooden stairs behind them.

“So, do those notebooks mention a light switch, or-?” Mervin asked as the darkness around them got deeper and deeper.

“No, they don’t,” Cassandra admitted. “I guess we’ll just have to see for ourselv-“ Cassandra hit solid ground and the already tense group heard something ‘click.’

Thoughts of booby traps, monsters, hermits and all the terrible things that could be in an abandoned underground hideout flew through their minds before being quieted, as christmas lights flickered on all throughout the underground room. There must be some kind of motion sensor in the doorway. Cassandra stepped in, letting the rest of the group down, and looked over the room in astonishment. Faith bolted for a beanbag chair against one wall and jumped in.

The room looked like something out of an old room design catalogue. White and colored christmas lights, colorful, ‘groovy-looking’ chairs, shelves full of books, art projects, supplies, particularly resilient snack cakes - this was a sibling hide out, just like what you might dream you could build under a blanket fort, or in the rec room of the new house. Sure, it was old and dusty, but there was an element of joy that communicated through the years.

And hanging on the wall was a cork board, covered in printed-out photos, Polaroids, any pin-able trinkets, a mystery shack bumper sticker, and a big photo of two brown-haired teens, brother and sister, grinning big. It looked like the sister had taken the selfie. And above the cork board was a piece of wood with words scrawled across it in the handwritings Cassandra had been reading for the last couple weeks. It read:

‘Dipper & MABEL Pines’ SECRET BASE’

Words lost in her throat Cassandra just grabbed at Ashwin’s arm, trying to get his attention to the boards.

He stared with her, jaw going slack.

“Is that- is that the notebook handwriting?” he asked, unable to take his eyes off the photos.

Cassandra could only nod furiously, equally transfixed.

“Pines-? Is that your parents?” Elowen asked.

Cassandra nodded some more.

“Woah. Did you know that?”

“No idea,” Cassandra assured her, voice faint.

“What? What’re we looking at?” Mervin asked.

“Ash,” Cassandra managed, “do you realize what this means?”

“Our parents know about the mysterious stuff in Gravity Falls?”

“Everything our parents said was the truth.”

“Like what?”

“The crazy stories, the tales of grandeur,“ she breathed, thinking over the true scope of this revelation.

“Punching a unicorn, dating a mermaid-“ Ashwin realized.

“Switching bodies, living wax figures-!”

“Freeing a boy-band!”

“The president’s key?!”

“So, they did everything in the notebooks,” Elowen pointed out.

Cassandra’s jaw fell even farther,

“My dad befriended the Multibear over BABBA! Aunt Mabel was kidnapped by gnomes! _GRUNKLE SOOS ATE A CANDY MONSTER._ ”

“Cool!” Faith chirped, still relaxing in the beanbag chair.

“I can’t believe it!” Cassandra flipped frantically through the notebooks, trying to take it all in. “But- of course! How did I miss it? Their great uncle ran The Mystery Shack! A badass red-head! Woah! Wait,” she skimmed pages, looking for something, “Isn’t there something about- yeah! A journal by the other grunkl- Mervin!”

Mervin winced back.

“Mervin, lemme’ see your binder!” Cassandra demanded, tossing the notebook aside for a moment.

“Why?” he asked, clutching it tighter.

“I need to see that symbol on the front again.”

“W-what about it?”

“Just let me see it! Come on!”

Mervin turned the binder over for her to see, and Cassandra was in shock all over again.

“Ash! Ashwin, Mervin’s binder!”

“What about it?” Ashwin asked, startled by Cassandra’s second wind.

“The hand! If the notebooks were written by Dad, and he had a journal that was written by his great uncle-!”

“Great-grunkle Ford wrote the stuff in Mervin’s binder?”

“YES!”

“Woah…”

“Oh my god, what if everything they said was true, too?” Cassandra realized.

“What, the sea monsters-?”

“And- and aliens?”

“Hitting on mermaids?!”

“Well, OK, Great-grunkle Stan isn’t the most honest guy,” Cassandra reasoned, “but the mermaid part is probably true!”

“This notebook is cool!” Faith piped up, flipping through, “The stuff in white ink makes it way more interesting!”

“White ink-?” Cassandra echoed, stepping over to look over Faith’s shoulder. “Woah…” she breathed. The pages of the notebook had taken on a whole new life - more comments in her aunt’s loopy handwriting, things clearly encoded in jumbles of letters or numbers. She looked up, and found that her little cousin was seated beneath a black-light poster, complete with black-light. “Invisible ink…”

The whole group of kids was crowded around now, looking over the pages.

Cassandra sat next to her cousin and took the notebook back, turning the pages, admiring all the drawings and comments and secrets hidden in the invisible writing.

“This is amazing,” she gaped, “what if- maybe-“ she pulled the other two notebooks out of her backpack. The first one had invisible ink, for sure, and with high hopes she opened the third notebook, hoping and praying that maybe invisible ink messages would tell her how to read the jumbled letters.

No such luck. There was writing in invisible ink, but it, too, was in code. But her disappointment was cut short as Mervin shoved his binder into the black-light. He wasn’t so lucky - the old, photo-copied pages gave up no secrets. He made a noise of disappointment.

“Man, I could stay down here all day reading this stuff,” Cassandra noted, settling in, “Hey! I can stay down here all day! Or- at least ‘till lunch. Can we stay down here ‘till lunch?”

“Sure,” Ashwin shrugged.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen most of these books before,” Elowen commented, looking over the spines on the bookshelves, “I’ve definitely never heard of The Sibling Brothers,” she added, pulling a book off the shelf, “ _The Case of the Caper-Case Caper_?” she read aloud.

As Cassandra dove into the notebooks head-on, trying to decode some of the invisible ink codes in the first two notebooks, the group looked around the hideout. Faith found some of the craft supplies and projects, Ashwin looked over the cork board, Elowen skimmed The Sibling Brothers, and Mervin went to mope in a corner. After staring at a particular hunk of wall for a while he spoke up:

“I think that’s a door,”

“What?” Cassandra asked, perking up.

“That’s a door. Look, it’s all boarded up or something.”

Elowen took out her glasses to get a better look at the boards and duct tape covering part of the wall,

“Weird,” she concluded.

“We should open it,” Mervin decided.

“Uh… no,” Cassandra countered, “no we shouldn’t. The notebooks say-“

“Who cares?!” Mervin shouted, “It’s a mystery!”

“Notebook say it’s deadly,” she insisted.

“Why?”

“It doesn’t say.”

“Well then why don’t we open it?!”

Everyone else turned to Mervin, staring at him in silence for a fraction of a second before,

“Nah,” Elowen agreed.

“Yeah… I’m good. I don’t need mysterious evil,” Ashwin agreed, returning to the photos.

Cassandra threw a shrug his way, and Mervin started to grumble.

“Fine!” he spat, turning and marching back up the stairs, “Suit yourselves! I’m going home!”

“M’kay,” Cassandra accepted, already buried in the notebooks again, “see ya’!”

* * *

Just before they had to leave, Cassandra looked over the last page of the second journal. In ink all it said was ‘Continued in 3,’ but under the black-light it lit up like christmas with coded messages and comments.

‘Beware’

‘ignorance is bliss’

‘three is in code for a reason’

She zeroed in on a message that looked to be in the code she’d been solving:

’16-22-2 4-12-9-23: 8-6-14-14-22-9-22-13-23-8’

Sure enough, decoded of the numbers and the Atbash cipher, she may have discovered what she was looking for:

‘KEY WORD: SUMMERENDS’

And at the bottom of the page:

‘EHZDUH WKH EHDVW ZLWK MXVW RQH HBH’

That code could wait, Cassandra decided. She’d be back here, after all.

Ashwin realized that they should be getting home just as she began to look over the third notebook. Sure, the black-light messages were in code in this one, too, but now she had the key. She shut the book, following Ashwin and Elowen up the wooden spiral staircase.

But she would’ve done well to work through the first paragraph:

‘ _Lbue rfxregge iupc fr gwvcomxvh gr lzy yavv fvcsjlq qzvrgv gx nia-xyshvsfx-fiiczr. Ll oue m giemb kmgyqv: ni yhsjhqp xyi gumlb mnslx Tumfexq Wkea dfv Adqek Yafdw Zadh, rrq zw dchqh klermyb fti rpzrkl-ubagrplskw, vdayxlg rf ts fti frr dfv izxc_ ** _Qccp Gdxstl._** _’_

Below the last two words was a warning, written in invisible ink:

_‘CYK ISIH: CXJWYHUP’_

Which, had she translated it, would’ve given her a warning:

_KEY WORD:_ **_PUREEVIL_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 11-22-15-15-10-21-16-23 11-10-3-12, 3 1-22-15-14-14-25-26 26-15-7-16 10-12-25-25,  
> 2-15-10-22 17-9-11-10 11-9-12-25-18-5 24-3-18-18  
> 7-22-3-10 17-21-23-22-10 14-15-15-12 1-3-11-11-3-16-26-12-3 11-25-25  
> 7-22-25-16 26-25-11-10-21-16-5 1-15-17-25-11 10-15 1-3-18-18?


	13. AXOLOTL

In the morning, Cassandra was again in a hurry.

“Morning,” she offered, stepping up to the table and picking up a bagel.

“Good morning, Cassie,” her dad responded, “you look like you’re in a hurry.”

“Reading a good book,” Cassandra explained. She’d rehearsed that answer in her head a million times - she hoped it sounded more convincing than it felt.

“That’ll do it,” Abel agreed.

Mouth full of bagel, Cassandra considered her next words carefully,

“Does The Shack have a basement?” she asked, as casually as she could manage.

“What?”

“I was just wondering.”

“You’ve been in The Shack! Where would there be a basement?”

“I don’t know! There’s a lot of hidden things in The Shack.”

“Why are you asking?”

“I was just curious,” she shrugged. “see ya’,” she added, finishing the bagel and giving her dad a one-armed hug.

“Alright, see you later,” Abel accepted.

Ashwin was making sure he looked sharp when Cassandra got back to the room.

“What’d he say?” he prompted.

“He said there was no basement,” Cassandra said.

“So you don’t trust him?”

“No. Whatever I found is too secret. I don’t want him to take the notebooks away. Not before I get some more out of them.”

“Suit yourself,” Ashwin shrugged. He and Faith headed down to breakfast, and Cassandra scrabbled up the ladder to the loft, laying out her scratch paper, the notebooks, and making sure her pencils were in tip-top shape.

“Let’s do this,” she muttered to herself, hunching over the pages. The Vigenere cipher was complex, and took several layers of decoding, but slowly and surely she got through the first few sentences:

_This notebook will be dedicated to the more bizarre events of two-thousand-twelve. It was a crazy summer: we learned the truth about Grunkle Stan and Great Uncle Ford, and we lived through the almost-apocalypse, brought on by the one and only Njhk Cmtffu._

She looked at her scribbled decoding again; those last words didn’t mean anything. They were still in code. The key word must’ve changed. With a deep, drawn-out sigh her head fell. This was going to take a long time. She should’ve known the code word would change - whatever this was it was really important to her dad to keep it secret. Swapping codes every paragraph or so would be a challenge; not to mention the point where the code wasn’t even letters or numbers anymore, it was just weird symbols.

She tangled her hands up in her hair, silently berating herself for not taking more notes under the black-light.

“Hey, not bad!”

Cassandra snapped to attention, looking up to find the world drained of color.

“You know, I don’t think we were properly introduced last time,” noted the triangular demon from the day before, “name’s Bill Cipher, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” he sped through the introduction, tipping his hat slightly. The room jolted with the motion. “And you know, I’m impressed, Sapling,” he continued, drifting around her head, “you’re a clever one. Real committed to this whole knowledge thing.”

“Thanks?” she responded, unsure of this whole situation.

“I mean, really! I like you! You wanna’ be a genius, right? You seem like a genius kind of kid,” Bill commented, leaning on her shoulder, “You want _answers_ , but none of the old fogeys in this town want to give ‘em to you, am I right?” he prompted, swooping up close to Cassandra’s face,

“I- I guess…”

“But, see, I trust you,” he elaborated, drifting away again, sitting in thin air as one might a comfortable chair, “I think you can do great things. I see a lot of potential in you, kid. You can change the world! All you need is a little nudge.”

“…change the world?” Cassandra echoed, rolling the idea over in her mind.

“Oh, yeah! Help me fix that old hunk of junk in The Shack’s basement and you could be world famous!”

Cassandra shook away the visions of grandeur,

“I don’t know,” she commented, “that seems a bit over-the-top.”

“Alright, alright. We’ll build up,” Bill muttered, “how ‘bout just a quick Q&A? I’ll tell you anything I know - _anything_ \- if you just give me a little of your time.”

“Anything?” Cassandra repeated, interest piqued, “Like, what happened thirty years ago?”

“Sure, kid! No problem! All I need is for you to help me get from point A to point B, no more than ten minutes. Fifteen if we hit a snag.”

“All the answers… just for a fifteen minute trip?” she asked, skeptical.

“Sure! In my great expanse of knowledge and existence that little blip of a summer is only a footnote of information! I’ll be happy to enlighten you in exchange for a lift!” he assured her, “Do we have a deal?” he prompted, holding out a hand.

“I- I guess,” Cassandra stammered, “but you have to tell me what I want to know before I take you anywhere!” she added, hoping to avoid loopholes, “Why are people reuniting? And why won’t anyone tell me about it? I want to know what happened here, in this town, one summer thirty years ago, that nobody will tell me about!”

“Deal,” Bill assured her, as their hands met. “You wanna’ know what happened thirty years ago?” he sneered as cold, blue fire consumed her arm, “ ** _ME._** ” he flared into his red, enraged form for emphasis before tearing Cassandra’s soul from her body and taking it’s place.

Finding herself outside her body Cassandra turned to where she was just moments before, watching herself stand up, stretch, and grin big and maliciously at her floating ethereal self, eyes tinted yellow, pupils shrunken into slits.

“W-whu- What did-?” she stammered, trying to understand what was happening.

“You’ll get it back in a minute,” Bill assured her from her body, “I just gotta’ get something I’ve been waiting to get my hands on for a long time.”

“W-where are you going?” she asked, trailing frantically behind as Bill piloted her body to the edge of the loft,

“Oooh, nice drop!” he noted. “Meet ya’ at the bottom!” he threw Cassandra’s body over the edge, ignoring the ladder completely, and landing on her back with a thud.

“Don’t do that!” Cassandra insisted, drifting down.

“Why not? Pain’s a whole lot of fun. You don’t get anything like it in the mindscape,” Bill explained, getting to her feet. “You meat-bags really have some good thrills going,” he noted, leaving the room. “Now, if you’ll excuse me I have some business to attend to.”

Cassandra followed Bill through the cabin, trying to get him to acknowledge her presence,

“What business? What are you doing? What- What’re you-? Talk to me, dammit! What’re you doing?!”

Suddenly he looked around a corner, stopped, and stepped back. He tossed her a grin for reasons she didn’t understand, and rounded the corner into the kitchen with a casual air.

“We’ll meet again, don’t know how, Don’t know when…” he sang, strolling up to her father, who was busy washing dishes. “Oh I know we’ll meet again some sunny day,” he concluded, leaning on the counter next to Abel.

“What?” her father asked, turning to look at Cassandra’s body.

“What- what’re you doing?” Cassandra asked again, but quieter, a heavy dose of apprehension in her voice.

“How’s domestic life treatin’ ya’, Pine Tree?”

With a jolt Abel jumped back, the plate in his hand crashing to the floor.

“That bad?” Bill prompted.

“Get out of my daughter,” Dipper demanded.

“That’s the idea,” Bill grinned, “but I’m not gonna’ give up this vessel just to be nice. I want swankier digs,” he explained, stepping closer to Dipper, “Cause let’s be honest here, the girl’s got the arm strength of a toddler and has all that terrible puberty stuff going on, plus she’s kinda’ short. I want _your_ body,” Bill explained.

Dipper hesitated,

“We got you out of my body, we can get you out of hers,” he pointed out.

“Well, sure, eventually,” Bill acknowledged, “but you got rid of me through exertion and sleep-depravation. This body is well rested, well fed - you take care of your kid a lot better than that sorry old man ever took care of you,”

Dipper grimaced at the jab at Stan.

“and that means I have a lot more time on my hands in this body,” Bill elaborated, “and I’m sure you remember my affinity for the painful,” he added, riffling through drawers. “Oooh, look at this one!” he commented, retrieving a large kitchen knife, “Fun!”

Cassandra yelped in terror from over her body’s shoulder. Dipper stared, mouth dry.

“Don’t,” he managed to force out.

“OK,” Bill agreed, holding out a hand, “give me your body.”

Dipper hesitated.

“And don’t forget to account for the fact that I really just want revenge,” Bill added, lowering his hand and admiring the knife, “I mean, sure, using you as a vessel to re-open the rift would be great, but I’d happily settle for just killing your only child,” he noted, holding the blade to Cassandra’s neck.

“NO!” Abel lunged forward, and Bill obediently stopped, grin spreading across the-face-formerly-known-as-Cassandra’s.

“Then, do we have a deal?” Bill prompted, offering Cassandra’s hand again.

“You won’t hurt her?” Abel asked.

“Why would I?”

“You won’t hurt her,” Abel demanded.

“You got it, kid,” Bill assured him, “I won’t hurt the girl.”

There was another moment of hesitation, and Abel took Bill’s hand.

“Deal,” he agreed, downcast.

“Now that’s more like it!” Bill beamed, yanking the soul from Abel’s body as he vacated Cassandra’s body.

In an instant Cassandra’s eyes snapped open, the cold linoleum of the kitchen against her back, and she scrambled to her feet, full of fear and unsure what to do. She turned to look at her father’s limp form. The eyes shot open - tinted yellow now and slitted - and without hesitation she ran from the room, from the house. She heard Bill laugh behind her. She didn’t know what to do, but she needed to be as far away from Bill Cipher as possible, whatever his vessel.

She couldn’t think about anything but what had just happened, and she could barely comprehend that, she was just full of fear, and a need to run as far away as she could. Far away-

She crumpled to the ground in the middle of the forrest, her back against a tree, breathing fast and shallow, overwhelmed.

“Hun?”

Her head shot up to find Sylvia offering a concerned look.

“What’s wrong, hun?” the ghost asked, face to face with Cassandra.

“Everything,” was all she could manage.

“Do you need your cousin?” Sylvia asked.

Cassandra nodded.

“Alright ladies!” Sylvia barked to the ghosts of the forrest, “Find me Ashwin- what’s his last name?”

“H-howley,” Cassandra told her.

“Howley! Ashwin Howley!” Cassandra could hear Sylvia describing her cousin to the other ghosts, but she wasn’t really paying any attention, knees clutched to her chest, trying not to cry, trying to understand what was happening. Was it her fault? Was it all her fault? What would happen to Dad? What would-

“Cassie?” Ashwin asked. She looked up, terror on her face and tears playing at the corners of her eyes, and his face fell, “Cassie, what’s wrong?”

“D-dad,” she stammered, Ashwin crouched down on the ground with her, “the- the demon, that triangle- Bill-“

“Woah, what? Slow down, I can’t follow you,”

Cassandra just stared at him a moment as she tried to put it all into place. She swallowed hard, and tried again,

“You remember the demon? Bill?” she asked. Ashwin nodded. “He- he offered me answers, and we made a deal, and he possessed me-“ an involuntary shiver shot down her just thinking about it, “and- and he used me to get to Dad. Dad’s possessed,” she concluded with the main point. “we can’t go back to the house- where’s Faith?” she asked, terrified for a moment that her little cousin was in the house with that _thing_.

“Faith is at the Corduroys’,” Ashwin assured her, “she’s fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“Absolutely.”

For a moment she just sat there, breathing heavily and clinging to her cousin.

“What do we do?” she asked, as if he would know.

“I’m not sure,” he responded, “but we’ll think of something. Seriously, don’t worry,” he tried to reassure her. But she wasn’t having it,

“This is all my fault,” she insisted, “I can’t believe I even did that! I was so stupid. If I could just go back and-“

“I-I might be able to help you there,” someone stammered, gaining the cousins’ attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRFYWGR BXQV HBXE QC QWQ EHB DLGM  
> TS KCE O FPTECO YGZWK HZ ZTDT


	14. Zylfg Grnv

The two young teens stared at the almost-bald man before them. With hair that looked as if a mustache had been placed on his head, tiny goggles over his eyes, and wearing a grey jumpsuit, he was an odd sight to behold, assuming you hadn’t seen the likes of zombies and unicorns. “I-I owe your dad a f-favor or two. I can help you go back in time, if- if it would help.”

“Who are you?” Cassandra managed to spit out. “Wait- _back in time_?” she echoed, the concept sinking in, “What do you mean back in time?”

“My name is Blendin Blandin, I worked in the time anomaly removal crew until- well, u-until things happened.”

“In 2012?” she prompted, guessing the answer.

“N-never mind! What matters is that you can use this to go back to before you or your dad were possessed, if y-you really want to fix it,” Blendin explained, holding out a tape measure.

“So I just… pull it out like this?” Cassandra asked, taking the item and pulling out the tape, glancing over the glowing numbers of days-months-years.

“That’s right!” he confirmed.

She looked at the tape measure; she could go back a few hours and prevent all this. She could go back…

“Just pull it out a few hours and you and your cousin can go back and-“

“Ash, grab my arm!” Cassandra barked, yanking the tape out long, past years 25, 26, 27-

“WAIT!” Blendin yelped, as she let go and the tape zipped back into its casing.

Cassandra laughed in triumph as they reappeared in the clearing many years prior.

“I can witness what happened thirty years ago first hand!” she beamed.

“Are you sure?” Ashwin asked, “I think I only saw the tape go out so far as 28-“

The ground beneath them shook.

“What was that?” Cassandra asked, staring bug-eyed at Ashwin, “Also, shouldn’t we be able to see that tree’s roots?”

With a roar the gremloblin stood up, the kids tumbling off it’s back.

Ashwin and Cassandra screamed in terror for a moment, before jumping up and running in different directions.

The beast chose Cassandra as the best prey - maybe because she was shorter, or less athletic, or simply at random - and Cassandra quickly regretted her choice of direction, as she found herself on the edge of a precipice. Turning her back to the drop, she took in the creature, staring it in the eyes. She took a startled step back and tumbled down the drop, careening to the bottom where she landed at her father’s feet.

He looked exactly as she’d left him, eyes glowing yellow and a horrible grin across his face. The world fell dark, like the worst possible cloud drifting across the sun. He knelt down before her, expression unchanging,

“Hey kid, check this out!” he sneered in not-really-his-own-voice, producing the kitchen knife.

Just as the blade plunged through his chest-

“Hey, HEY!” Cassandra was shaken back to reality with a jolt, and stared, deer-in-the-headlights, at the boy knelt in front of her. “You OK?” he asked. She noticed a mark just under his messy hair. “You looked right in the eyes of the Gremloblin. That doesn’t usually end well. You’re still kinda’ glazed over,” he noted, waving a hand in front of her face, “can you even hear me?”

“D- da- d- Dipper,” she realized, dumbfounded, “Dipper!” not really in a position to handle any of the terrible cocktail of emotions careening through her, Cassandra acted on instinct and hugged the boy tight, startling him considerably.

“Cassie!” Ashwin called, rushing to his cousin’s side. “Uh… is she bothering you?” he asked Dipper, Cassandra still clinging to her future-dad like a vice.

“Dude, she just saw her worst fear. She can do whatever she wants,” Dipper assured him.

“Hey, cool birthmark,” Ashwin noted. “OHMIGOD,” he realized, eyes bugging out.

“What?” Dipper asked.

“N-nothing,” Ashwin assured him, “no worries. Hey, Cassie,” he muttered, “you ready to let go of him yet?”

“Sorry,” Cassandra mumbled, releasing Dipper.

“Hey, dude, no problem. A gremloblin is rough to look at. Who are you guys?” he added, looking between Ashwin and Cassandra.

“Uh…” Cassandra thought it over; should she go by her real name, or was a fake name better suited to time travel? “I’m… Carrie,” she decided, going off the fact that Ashwin had already called her ‘Cassie,’ “and this is my cousin, Al.”

“Al?” Ashwin echoed.

“Al.” Cassandra confirmed.

“Yeah, I’m Al,” Ashwin accepted, “it’s short for Albert, which I’d rather go by, but, you know, family.”

“So… have we met? How did you know my name?” Dipper asked Cassandra.

“Your reputation precedes you…?” she offered, hoping that would fly.

Dipper laughed, “Really? Oh man- wow!”

“How old are you?” Cassandra asked, deciding that was a better question than ‘what year is it.’

“Fourteen,” Dipper responded. “why?”

“Hey! Cass- er, Carrie’s fourteen!” Ashwin pointed out, “What a cowink-y-dink!”

Cassandra tried to count the years in her head, her fingers flicking up and down in an attempt at assistance.

Ashwin was right: they’d gone back 28 years. They were two years too late.

“Dammit,” she muttered.

“Is, uh, something wrong?” Dipper prompted.

“No, it’s, uh, it’s fine,” Cassandra assured him, “we’re just… kinda’ lost.”

“Really? Where are you from?”

“Uh…” Cassandra pulled a blank, struggling to think of an answer that wouldn’t make them sound really, really suspicious.

“Just, you know, the next town over,” Ashwin filled in for her.

“Huh,” Dipper responded, “well, do you guys want to come back to The Mystery Shack? I’m sure we can get you back from there.”

“Sounds great,” Cassandra agreed. “let’s go, lead the way.”

As they trailed Dipper out of the woods, Ashwin went for small-talk.

“So… you, uh, hang out in the woods a lot?” he asked Dipper.

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” Dipper admitted, “there’s a lot of cool stuff out here.”

“Either that or your worst nightmares,” Cassandra muttered.

“Well, sure, some of it _looks_ creepy, but most of it is harmless,” Dipper assured them.

Cassandra forced out a skeptical laugh.

“Though you just met a gremloblin,” Dipper allowed, “that’s pretty nasty.”

Cassandra resisted the urge to mention things worse than the gremloblin.

“Dipper!” a mass of knitted joy collided with Dipper at the point where the woods began to thin out into bushes. She hooked him in with an arm over his shoulder. “You’ve been gone for, like, hours!”

Cassandra and Ashwin stared at the girl, eyes wide, taking in her bright colors, reflective earrings, glitter, and overall aura of joy.

“Oh, hey, uh, this is my sister, Mabel,” Dipper said, gesturing at her.

“We’re twins!” Mabel added. “And who is this?” she grinned, stepping up beside Ashwin. _Very close_ beside Ashwin.

“I- I’m Al,” Ashwin introduced himself with a half-hearted wave, 100% unsure of how to deal with this situation.

“Well aren’t you a cutie!” she beamed, “Come here often?”

 _‘What to Do When Your Mom as a Teenager Makes Goo-Goo Eyes at You’_ was definitely not covered on any help forum he’d ever seen.

“Actually,” Cassandra cut in, noticing the fear in Ashwin’s eyes, “we’re from the next town over. We got kinda’ turned around in the woods.”

“I thought they could get home from The Shack,” Dipper explained.

“Great idea!” Mabel agreed, skipping ahead. “Plus, there’s tons of cool stuff at The Shack! And they can meet Soos, and-“

As Mabel went on Cassandra leaned close to her cousin,

“Back to the Future called, they want their plot line back,” she muttered.

Ashwin punched her in the shoulder.

“I’m just saying,” she shrugged.

They stepped out of the forrest and into The Mystery Shack’s parking lot. Ashwin and Cassandra took it in.

“Shouldn’t it look… newer?” Ashwin asked Cassandra under his breath.

She looked over The Shack, and saw what he meant. The Shack looked real worn-down, and apparently twenty-eight more years as Oregon’s third most popular tourist attraction would only _improve_ the worn-down building.

“It is kinda’ counter-intuitive,” she admitted.

“It’s an odd looking place, isn’t it?” Dipper prompted, noticing their wide eyes. “And it only gets weirder inside. Brace yourselves.”

Dipper lead them through a room or two of the exhibits on their way to the gift shop, and the cousins worked to take it all in - what attractions had made it, which ones hadn’t, which ones had paved the way for something greater - but no falsified ‘horror’ or ‘wonder’ of The Shack could compare to the jolt they’d already experienced today: their parents as teenagers. Indeed, the corn-i-corn and mummified mermaid were no match for even the next shock of Soos, twenty eight years younger.

“Hey, doods!” Soos beamed as the twins shuffled into the gift shop, “Who’ve you got with you there?”

“This is Al and Carrie,” Dipper introduced them. Which was lucky, as Ashwin and Cassandra were a bit slack jawed and overwhelmed by the whole situation. Soos was so much younger, and so eager to be suited up as The Man of Mystery. He was different, somehow, than the steady facet of Gravity Falls that they had come to know.

“Well it’s awesome to meet you doods!” Soos confirmed, shaking the kids’ hands, “Enjoy your time at The Mystery Shack!”

Ashwin and Cassandra nodded weakly.

“Dude,” said the teenager behind the counter, “are they, like, your cousins? Or…?”“What?” Dipper asked.

“They just look way like you guys. Soos, tell me you don’t see what I’m talking about.”

Soos squinted at Ashwin and Cassandra, and Cassandra got up the nerve to gesture vaguely towards the counter and ask,

“Who’s that?”

“Oh, uh, that’s Wendy.”

“I’m working here over the summer,” the older teen explained, “it’s nice to meet ya’.”

Cassandra gazed at Wendy’s long, flowing red hair, open green shirt, white tank top - Cassandra swallowed hard.

“It think I understand my middle name, now,” she breathed.

“What?” Ashwin asked.

“Nothing,” she muttered back, shaking off her mild daze, “don’t worry about it.”

“So, Carrie and Al got lost, and are looking for a way home-“ Dipper started to explain, but Cassandra cut him off.

“A-actually, we’re in no real hurry!” she insisted. “We have time.”

“Are- are you sure?” Dipper asked.

“Yeah!” Cassandra assured him, “We were sort of looking to get over here, anyway. What- uh, what’s cool around here? Any, um, major events, say, in the last two-“

Ashwin elbowed her in the side,

“What she means is, we might as well see the sights while we’re here,” he covered for her.

“Well, there’s always Greasey’s Diner, and the arcade,” Mabel listed off, before being interrupted.

“Soos! Where in the he- God almighty there’s more of them.”

Cassandra and Ashwin flinched, startled by the gruff, familiar voice.

“This is Carrie and Al,” Mabel explained to her Grunkle Stan, “they’re from the next town over. Apparently they got lost in the woods.”

“Somthin’ wrong with ‘em?” the old man asked, waving a hand in front of their stunned expressions.

They promptly shook their heads no in an attempt to indicate that they were more-or-less normal.

“Then are they mute?” he asked his great-niece and nephew.

“What were you looking for, Mr. Pines?” Soos interjected.

“Oh, yeah, there’s this thing - about yea big - I left it here. Ahh, what’s it called…?”

“That’s our Grunkle Stan. He’s a little harsh, but he’s nice, really,” Dipper insisted.

“No- I-I’m sure,” Cassandra responded.

“Pleasant fellow,” Ashwin added, still not over the jolt of seeing his great-grunkle younger, but still old.

The twins watched their uncle for a moment, wondering vaguely and futilely what, in fact, he was looking for, until Dipper’s phone went off.

“Looks like candy found something,” he muttered. Mabel also checked her phone, finding the same message.

“We should go check it out!” she insisted.

“What is it?” Cassandra piped up.

“Uh…”

“Is it something _weird_? And if so can we come with you? Please?”

“I- I don’t know,” Dipper stammered.

“We can handle it!” Cassandra assured him, “I fought gnomes, and befriended a bigfoot-“

“And a mermaid,” Ashwin added.

“Yeah! And a mermaid! And pixies, and-“

“Let’s bring ‘em!” Mabel beamed, “I’m sure they can handle a little candy monster!”

Dipper shrugged in acceptance.

“We’re going to grab a monster,” he told the room at large, “see you in a few hours.”

“Have fun,” Wendy responded.

“You said candy monster?” Cassandra prompted, following the twins as they headed out of The Mystery Shack.

“A low class monster,” Dipper explained, “it’s a strange little hairless thing that steals summerween candy. And, presumably any holiday candy, and maybe even candy you just have lying around the house. It’s sort of a pest.”

“Got it,” Cassandra responded, before Ashwin pulled her away to follow the twins a few feet back.

“Are you really serious about this?” he hissed, “Are we really just going to stay here?”

“I don’t want to let a chance like this go by! Maybe people are less guarded about the thirty-year secret closer to the fact!”

“You’re kidding, right?” Ashwin retorted, “What if it’s some big traumatic event?! You want to open a fresh wound?”

“Who said it was something big and traumatic? It could just be something really weird they don’t think we can handle! Or a conspiracy, or- I don’t know! That’s why it’s a mystery!”

“We need to go home!”

“Twenty four hours,” she pleaded, “just give me that. Then we’ll go home, I promise.”

Ashwin gave her a skeptical look, but seemed to accept it.

 

 

 

Once in town, the group headed into a gifts and stationary store, where Candy was waiting for them. Ashwin stared, bemused, at the small teenager that would grow into aunt Candy, but Cassandra had noticed a clock on the wall - 4:14. They’d missed several hours in the time jump.

“What’s up?” Mabel asked, almost serious.

“We have about a 20-pound candy monster running loose in the storage room. The owner has been chasing it for hours,” Candy explained. “I’ve tried to get her to simply lead it away with candy, but she doesn’t want to part with any of her merchandise.”

Dipper frowned,

“Have you tried to catch it?”

“She gets a little in the way,” Candy explained.

The five of them peered into the back room - a glorified storage closet - to find an older woman trying to catch the scrabbling monstrosity to no avail.

“We need to distract it,” Ashwin noted. “how ‘bout some loud noises?”

“Could work,” Dipper shrugged.

“On the count of three,” Mabel said, “we all shout something. One! Two!”

Deep breaths were taken.

“THREE!”

Five hollering teenagers made a pretty good distraction. Good enough for the monster to pounce on Cassandra in an effort to stop them.

“GAAH!” Cassandra shrieked, falling backwards with the force of the creature. In her frantic flailing the thing was flung from her upper arm and into the main store. Disoriented, it scuttled around in angry confusion, hissing at them.

“Keep it away from the candy!” Dipper ordered.

“Easier said than done,” Cassandra muttered, rubbing her arm and wondering if the freak drew blood.

“Back up!” Ashwin hollered. Full of adrenaline and drawing on his time as a youngster at soccer camps Ashwin hurled his foot at the nasty little thing, booting it out into the street where it whimpered, hissed, and scurried away.

The room was silent for a moment.

“Shoo!” the woman running the shop finally broke in, “Get out! I have enough to fix without having to work around you all! Shoo! Out!” she insisted, shuffling them out the door.

“Sorry,” Cassandra said as they all stood on the sidewalk. “guess we aren’t that great of monster hunters.”

“I don’t know,” Dipper shrugged, “all things considered, that went about as well as it usually does.”

“Good to know,” Cassandra nodded.

“You guys did good!” Mabel beamed, “Good kick,” she added, winking at Ashwin and throwing him a finger gun.

Ashwin could muster only a squeaky nervous laugh in response.

“Your arm is hurt,” Candy stated, handing Cassandra a handful of bandaids. “you need to fix it.”

“Th-thanks,” Cassandra accepted the bandages, and rolled up her sleeve. “That’s the second monster that’s done real damage,” she muttered, remembering her gnome bite.

“That’ll be a little rough to explain to your parents,” Dipper noted.

“Eh, I could say it was a branch or something,” Cassandra shrugged.

“Either way we need to get you guys home,” he reminded them, “the last bus leaves in an hour or two-“

Cassandra froze. They couldn’t go home. Home was 28 years from now. Her mind reeled looking for an excuse.

“Buut… that’s after dark!” she said, “Our parents just can’t stand us being out after dark. They might rather we stay- stayed with you guys.”

Boy, this was a flimsy argument, she realized. But she got lucky, because Mabel was thrilled with the idea.

“OK! I’m sure it’ll be fine! We can get out the sleeping bags, you can stay for dinner, we can spend some more time together,” she concluded, wrapping an arm around each cousin, though leaning particularly on Ashwin.

“Well, you should call your parents and make sure,” Dipper pointed out.

“Right, yeah, of course,” Cassandra said. “we’ll just use that phone over there,” she concluded, noticing an old pay phone and pulling her cousin with her to it.

“How are we going to do that?!” Ashwin hissed, “Our parents aren’t here!”

“Well, two of them are right there,” Cassandra reminded him, “but I get it. We can just mime using this thing, say a few words to ‘Mom’, and be done with it!”

“How does this ancient thing even work?” he asked.

“Uh…” Cassandra hesitated, “that’s a coin slot! So, fake coin in slot,” she muttered, putting her hand up the hole and trying to obscure it from the other kids’ view. She put in a random ten digits, and lifted the phone. She waited a moment, as if it was ringing, nerves high, feeling as though the twins were watching their every move and would notice any small flaws in her performance.

“Hi, Mom!” she finally spoke, “We were out in the woods, you know, and ran into some cool kids. Yeah, it’s a little weird, but now we’re so far out of town-“ she waited for a moment, wondering how a mother might respond to that, before deciding she’d waited long enough. “Uh-huh. See, we’re in Gravity Falls, and we think it might be a little late by the time we get home.” she waited a moment more. “Yes, I know how you hate it if we’re out late. They’re great kids, really. We’ll be staying at that tourist trap, The Mystery Shack? … Yeah, that’s the one. We’ll come back in the morning, I swear. … And Ash- _Al_ ’s parents are OK with it, too? … Great. Love you, Mom. Bye.” Cassandra hung up, took a deep breath, and turned back to the group, hoping her little act held up, “We have permission!” she assured them with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GXSHWHTURE JG WTLAUI’S NWXWEM ZEMF  
> O MNUBXI NPR NH AMD HAE’G IEW NXEMF


	15. Ovhhlmh Lu Gsv Kzhg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry to break the fourth wall, but with the release of the official Journal 3 (which is super cool) we know now - surprise surprise - the real name I chose for Dipper is wrong.  
> Should I go through and change it, or leave it as Abel and put a disclaimer on the beginning of the fic?

_She was stumbling through her house - no, wait, The Shack - no, the rental cabin - she had a feeling of being chased. Something was wrong. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but a manic laugh tipped her off. She rounded a corner and found Bill, more grotesque and menacing than before, looming over her father’s limp form. Her father was sliced straight in half at the waist - a clean cut, no blood, like a red tree cut clean in two - his eyes half-open and glassy._

_“You want to know what happened thirty years ago?” Bill’s voice echoed as terror and panic consumed her,_

**_“ME”_ **

Cassandra’s eyes shot open, heart racing, fists full of sleeping bag. She stared at the ceiling for a long moment, trying to regain her bearings. She was in The Mystery Shack, she realized.

She’d gone back in time.

She could only reassure herself so much, knowing that her dad really was possessed, and feeling very, very far away from anything truly familiar. After all, she had brought only her cousin and the clothes on her back - actually, she didn’t even have the clothes at the moment, she realized; Mabel had lent her a night shirt and pajama pants. Drowsy, but afraid of falling back asleep and into the same dream, she sat up and looked around the room. She all but jumped out of her skin when she saw Dipper sitting up on his bed, leaning against the wall.

“Y’alright?” he asked, barely a whisper.

She only nodded.

“Gonna’ go back to sleep?” he prompted.

She didn’t have a response.

“C’mon,” he said after a moment of silence between them, climbing out of bed and padding quietly out of the room. Cassandra followed behind him without question until they reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Where are we going?” she breathed, trying not to make much sound at all.

“There’s a secret in the gift shop,” Dipper explained.

“There’s a lot of secrets in the gift shop,” Cassandra muttered more to herself than to Dipper.

“OK, so maybe ‘secret’ is a stretch,” he admitted, slipping carefully through the swinging ‘employees only’ door and trying not to let it creak, “there _is_ a giant, obvious curtain in front of it,” he noted, walking up to an old, tattered wall of fabric, “but it’s still a ladder to the roof, and not everybody knows about it.”

“So that’s how you get up there,” she mused to herself. She could remember seeing the Ramirez twins hanging out on the roof sometimes.

“Yeah, but watch your step,” he added, clambering out of the trap-door type hole in the roof, “it’s not exactly even ground.”

“What do you-? Oh,” she discovered, looking out at the steep roof, suddenly feeling a little less strength in her knees, “gotcha’.”

She made it up the roof and to the outcropping without incident, though also slowly, very unsure of her pajama-clad legs. She was grateful to be able to sit down on a flat surface and lean against her dad.

She did not fully recognize or remember that her dad was currently also fourteen and not-at-all-a-dad-yet until Dipper cleared his throat and let out an,

“Uum…”

“Oh, jeez, sorry,” she acknowledged, sitting up straight, as a normal person should when around someone they met less than 12 hours ago, “it’s just- sorry, dude. I didn’t-“

“Don’t- don’t worry about it,” Dipper assured her half-heartedly. “Are you OK?” he prodded after a moment.

“Are you?” she turned it back to him.

“That’s not the question.”

“Yeah, well, people aren’t usually up in the middle of the night with no lights on watching other people sleep,” she commented, “I’m wondering about you, too.”

“I was not watching people sleep,” Dipper insisted, “I was looking out the window. It just grabs your attention when someone gasps.”

Cassandra’s cheeks burned; she wished he hadn’t brought that up.

“So?!” she half-snapped back, “So I had a nightmare. What’s it to you?”

“I dunno, just thought you might want to talk about it or something?”

Cassandra snorted. That probably would make her feel better, but,

“I can’t, dude.”

“Why not?”

“Dude,” she shot, giving him a stern look, “I just can’t, OK? You need to learn to drop things.” she fell silent for a moment, too focused on her own emotions to notice Dipper’s concerned glances.

She turned her gaze to the sky, searching for two constellations, “Hmm…” she muttered to herself, “I see the north star, but no orion…”

“You don’t see many stars through the trees,” Dipper agreed, “but what you can see is really clear.”

Cassandra ‘hmm’ed back a confirmation.

“Why’re you looking?” he asked.

“Oh, um, it’s just- it’s kinda’ stupid, but I feel kinda’ like Orion protects me. If I can see Orion,” she hesitated, unsure how to put it into words, “I don’t know, it just reassures me.” She stared up at the big dipper above her head; the reminder of her father would do for the time being.

“So you aren’t OK,” Dipper concluded.

“You know what?” Cassandra snapped, turning on him with a rueful smirk, “If we’re gonna’ play this game you better tell me what’s up with _you_. Why were you up in the middle of the night?”

Dipper winced at having the question turned on him,

“Yeah, alright,” he finally relented, “I had a nightmare, too. It’s always nightmares,” he added under his breath.

“See, there. Now, do _you_ want to talk about it?”

He let out an uncomfortable laugh as he realized,

“I can’t talk about it either.”

“Well there you go,” Cassandra responded, “we’re just two kids who can’t sleep and can’t talk about it.”

“Yeah…”

They sat under the stars together for a while, brains whirling with their own problems and nightmares.

“You weren’t here, two years ago, were you?” Dipper asked, breaking the silence.

Cassandra shook her head.

“Figures,” he chuckled to himself.

“Why?” she asked, tantalizingly close to even a clue of what happened in 2012.

“I just wondered if I really could talk about it, but if you weren’t there…” he trailed off, eyes glazing over as he stared into the woods.

“Dipper, what happened?” she finally asked him, unable to let this opportunity for answers pass her by.

“What? N-nothing,” he insisted, shaking it off, “never mind. It- you don’t need to know. You don’t _want_ to know,” he added, a weary smirk flickering across his face.

She hesitated for a moment, processing how impossible it seemed for her to ever know this information, and then she crumbled, a long, disappointed sigh crashing out as he head dropped down.

“I’ll never know,” she whimpered.

Dipper turned cautiously to look at this distraught girl. He swallowed hard, and after a long moment’s hesitation,

“Look, nothing happened,” he repeated, “but… if anything did happen… my great uncle Ford would know.”

A lightbulb went on for Cassandra and she shot back up, beaming with realization,

“Of course! Ford!” she exclaimed, “Of course he would know! Why didn’t I think of that! Oh man-! I guess we can’t ask him ’till morning,” she realized, slightly crestfallen,

“I don’t know,” Dipper shrugged, “he doesn’t exactly have a normal sleeping schedule. If the light’s on in his study-“

“Let’s do it!” she decided, jumping up, “I have so little sleep and so much emotional instability and adrenaline that I could kill a man! OK, not really,” she qualified, “but I would totally go raid a quick-rip or something, no problem.”

 

* * *

 

 

Cassandra was still bouncing on her heels when they walked up to Ford’s study to find light leaking out from under the door.

Dipper knocked softly, still aware of the other sleeping residents of the house. Egged on by a nearly inaudible grunt of confirmation he tentatively opened the door,

“Great Uncle Ford?” Dipper put forward, “This is Carrie. We’ve been hanging out with her today, and she just had some questions, and I thought maybe you could answer them,”

“Certainly,” Ford responded genially, turing to face them.

“Great,” Dipper responded, before a yawn slipped out, “Though, I really should get back to sleep. See you in the morning,” he added, giving Cassandra a pat on the shoulder and padding back towards the staircase.

As the odd pair was left alone Ford prompted Cassandra on,

“Alright, Carrie, what can I help you with?”

“What happened thir- in 2012?” she asked, breathless, “What happened that nobody will tell me about?”

Ford paused a moment, before laughing it off,

“What do you mean? Nothing happened.”

“Wha-? Nothing?!” Cassandra echoed, “What do you mean nothing? N- _Nothing_ -nothing?”

“Well, I suppose you hang around Dipper, so you know this is no ordinary area, but,by Gravity Falls’ standards, nothing out of the ordinary happened.”

Cassandra was speechless for a moment.

“But- but he said- would he lie? Well, OK, yeah, he would lie,” Cassandra admitted to herself, remembering Bill’s answer to her question. “But Dipper said-“

“And besides, you said no one will tell you, right?” Ford prompted.

“Well, yeah…”

“Are these people you trust?”

“I mean, yeah, but-“

“So what makes you doubt them?”

Cassandra thought for a moment,

“But, everyone gives the same answer. Everybody! Without fail, it’s always-“

“Don’t you trust these people?”

“…yes,” she admitted.

“Then did it ever occur to you,” he continued, leaning forward, “that even if something did happen, and they really were keeping something from you, that they might be trying to protect you?”

Cassandra stared into space for a moment, gears turning,

“Protect…?” she muttered, thinking it over, “Ms. Candy, Ms. Wendy… Ms. Kathy… Grunkle Soos… _Dad_ … You think they’re trying to- to protect me?”

“You think they would withhold information maliciously?” Ford chuckled. (Though he said nothing to the girl, he wondered for a moment about her mention of Soos.)

“They- they were trying to protect me…” Cassandra sank down to the floor and sat with the thought for a moment. The thought placed a pinprick in the dam she’d built up to keep all her emotions from the past twelve hours or so from overflowing. “They were protecting me and I couldn’t take no for an answer…” the prick grew into a crack as she felt hot tears build up behind her eyes. “Something terrible happened,” she realized, thinking over Bill’s answer and her dad’s reaction to the demon, ”And now- now I got greedy, and I didn’t listen, and I bought into it,” she listed off, thinking of the notebooks’ warnings of ‘Trust no one,’ and of Bill’s sweet-talk, “and they had good reason not to tell me all along, and now dad’s gonna’ die and it’s all my fault!” she whimpered, the dam bursting as the first tears dripped down.

Ford looked on with apprehension and uncertainty as she sniffled into her knees; he was never good with kids. Or people, for that matter.

“Why? Why did I trust him at all?” she chided herself, choking back sobs, “Who does that?! Who doesn’t ask for more specifics? Who makes a deal with a _demon_?!”

“Demon?” Stanford echoed,

“Yeah! _I made a deal with a demon_ ,” Cassandra repeated with exasperation, overcome with full-on, red-faced, tear-streaked sobbing. “what kind of idiot does that?! Me, apparently,” she muttered. “Oh god, and he’s gonna’ kill dad!” she sobbed, curling tighter into a ball.

“Now, I know a thing or two about demons,” Ford mentioned, sitting down on the floor with her, “maybe I could help.”

Cassandra looked up at him, breathing calmer for a moment. Sure, he was a different man than the one she’d grown up with, but 30 years did a lot less between 60-something and 90-something than it did between 14 and 42.

“You’d do that?” she managed, her voice quiet and inhibited, “You- You’d help an idiot kid who’s gonna’ get her dad k-ki-“ another sob cut off any words she could hope to get out, and she rubbed persistently at her eyes, trying to stop the tears.

“Of course! And nothing will happen to your father,” he assured her, disregarding how little he knew about her plight, “everything will be just fine.”

Regaining some composure she looked back up at him again,

“OK, but I gotta’ level with you,” she admitted, still swiping away tears as they fell. She took a deep breath, and began: “my name’s not Carrie. My name is actually Cassandra Gwendoline Pines. I’m from the future. No really,” she insisted, before the look of disbelief could fully form on Ford’s face, “look, this is the time device,” she explained, producing the tape-measure, “I got it from an almost-bald guy. Listen, Dipper’s time traveled too, he’ll know what I’m talking about if you need me to prove it. I’ve read his notebooks. Though also, I’m his daughter, so it’d be great if we didn’t have to have that conversation. You know, paradoxes and all,” she added with a shrug.

Even with Ford’s experience with the abnormal and the bizarre, this was a bit much, but he wasn’t about to mention that.

“But, see, Bill used me to possess Dad, and now- now I don’t even know what to do. Blendin offered to let me go back and fix my mistakes, but I didn’t. I’m too selfish…” she whimpered, the tears returning. “I can’t do anything right,” she realized, “I try to be the hero, the smart one, but I’ll never be as smart as Dad, or you,” she added, tossing a gesture towards her future-great-grunkle.

“Well, hold on,” Ford interjected, “who said I was a pinnacle of intelligence? I’ve done some pretty stupid things!”

“Bet I’ve done worse,” Cassandra grumbled.

“I shave with an open flame,” Ford pointed out.

“Yeah, but that works!” Cassandra retorted.

“It didn’t always. Took a lot of trial and error.”

“Ok, but, like, I ate an _entire bag_ of three-year-old easter jellybeans once.”

“When was this?”

“About two years ago,” Cassandra explained, “I’ve never vomited so many colors in my life.”

Ford winced through a smile, before attempting to one-up her:

“I once ate part of a dead fish off the beach because Stan dared me. That was a bad couple of days.”

“OK, but Ashwin is the reason I ever broke a bone in my body,” Cassandra shot back, “he convinced me to try surfing. It didn’t end well.”

“Fiddleford made me try to surf at a convention in Florida. Really the whole trip was a bad idea. The ridiculous shirt I got out of it was even worse.”

“But- wait-“ Cassandra blurted, remembering that she was supposed to be miserable, “none of that’s the point! I was stupid enough to let a demon sweet talk me into possession!”

“So was I.”

Cassandra paused,

“You did not,” she insisted, shooting him a glance, “you’re smarter than that.”

“Maybe I am now,” Ford allowed, “but only because I fell for it before.”

“Bull,” Cassandra retorted, “you’re just saying this to make me feel better.”

Ford chuckled,

“I wouldn’t go that far. You said it was Bill, right?”

“What?”

“Bill - triangular dream demon, yellow, one eye, piece of work-?”

“Yeah, that’s the one,” Cassandra confirmed.

“Bill’s a nasty little fucker. Er, pardon my-“

“It’s cool,” Cassandra waved him off, “he’s a total motherfucker.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to go that far, but you certainly aren’t wrong,” Ford accepted. “Bill convinced me he was a ‘muse,’ that he would help me change the world,”

Cassandra nodded to herself in recognition as Ford continued,

“he tricked me into building a portal that, eventually, led to him trying to take over the world.”

“What?!” Cassandra blurted, “Taking- Bill- what?!”

“That’s what happened,” Ford clarified, “it’s the reason the ‘never mind all that act’ exists in the first place. The apocalypse - or, as it’s colloquially known, wierdmageddon - nearly took place in 2012. That’s what no one wants you to know.”

“Woah…” Cassandra breathed, “…the apocalypse?”

“The apocalypse,” Ford confirmed.

“Wow, yeah, I was a jerk,” Cassandra concluded, “I’m not sure I needed to know the apocalypse almost happened.”

“Well, now you know,” Ford responded, “which is probably for the better, if you’re going to save…” he hesitated on what to call the man Bill had possessed in Cassandra’s time, “…your father.”

“Wait- are you saying you can help me?” Cassandra perked up, “This wasn’t a total loss? I didn’t just screw up again, you can actually help me save Dad?”

“Of course!” Ford assured her, “No great-nephew of mine is going to be possessed by Bill if I can help it. Here-“ he started scribbling on a piece of paper, “there’s a wheel, that, if completed, is said to defeat Bill,”

Cassandra looked over his shoulder as he drew ten symbols around a sketch of the demon himself,

“Now, during weirdmageddon there were ten people who were clearly represented by these symbols. I’m not sure if that-“

“There’s the reunion,” Cassandra realized, “it’s what got me thinking about 2012 in the first place! A bunch of people came back into town; it’s why I’m even here.”

“Then maybe you can track everyone down!” Ford realized, “So, let’s see now, the tree is your father, the star is Mabel, not to be confused with that Gideon boy’s star, Soos is the question mark, I believe the ice represents the Corduroy girl, the heart is that moody boy - I think his name is Robert? - I’m not sure why, exactly, but Pacifica is the Llama, then Fiddleford is represented by the glasses,”

Cassandra wondered who Fiddleford was. She’d have to ask when she got back to her own time.

“And then Stanley and I are this symbol here and the six-fingered hand.”

Cassandra’s face quirked with concern, was there a way to get her great-grunkles to Gravity Falls? If Dad didn’t think they should make the trip… If _they_ had decided not to make the trip…

“Now, the wheel needs to stay connected- Is there a problem?” Ford asked, catching her expression.

Cassandra hesitated,

“It’s just- I don’t know how to get you and great-grunkle Stan into town. You’re not dead!” she hastily added as his face fell, “It’s just- you’re, like, 90 now, and… I’m sure I’ll think of something,” she assured him, also trying to convince herself. As she stood there wondering how she really could manage that, a yawn snuck out, and she realized how heavy her eyelids really were. “Oh, jeez, I’m sorry Great-Grunkle Ford,” she managed, before another yawn overtook her, “it’s just-“

“No need to apologize,” he assured her, “it _is_ three in the morning. You should get back to sleep.”

Cassandra gave a weak smile and a nod, and yawned again. There was a long pause in the room while Cassandra zoned completely out staring at the floor, suddenly weighed down and drained by the emotional roller coaster of the last 24 hours.

“…Would you like to sleep here?” Ford offered, unsure of what to do with this girl, his future-relative, who was clearly in distress, even if she worked hard to keep it hidden. “The sofa is really quite comfortable.”

“M’kay,” Cassandra agreed, curling up on the old couch without hesitation.

After a moment Ford draped his coat over Cassandra.

“Thanks grea’grunkleFord…” she managed, sleepily.

“Anytime, Cassandra.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HLWF BB GHMXY RPMW JFMLW GGJIHD H GWOJW  
> ‘NEKKOAVFF’ PHW DFXXCIV TM TJSFM-NVJNCEP JGJR


	16. Edfn lq Wlph

Cassandra rolled over, planning on going back to sleep. When she hit the back of the couch, she sat up with a jolt - not fully awake by any means, but sure that she needed to be, and soon. She looked around her Great-Grunkle Ford’s study.

It was empty, lit mostly by the light of the early morning filtering through the window. Her eyes wandered, looking for any kind of time piece, and discovered that it was 7:30 in the morning. She rubbed her eyes, and wondered if maybe she could’ve slept a little longer. She got up from the sofa and paused to check her pockets - tape measure in one, sketch of the wheel in the other. All good.

Cassandra stepped cautiously out of the room, not sure what to expect from the house. She didn’t run into anyone as she snuck back up to the attic room, and sat cross-legged on the sleeping bag. She wondered if she should wake Ashwin, laying next to her, jaw slack. She paused, taking in the stillness of the room. She looked over the light filtering through the window, how the twins had decorated their room, the complexities of the old wood… but soon, she turned to Ashwin, nudging his arm.

It took a few nudges, but with a snort he was conscious, trying hard to blink away the disorienting sleep. He grunted in question.

“I have what I need,” she spoke softly, “we can go home.”

“Really?” he responded, sitting up and trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes with greater success. “Cool.”

“We should get dressed.”

“Yeah, alright.”

 

* * *

 

Dressed, the pair stood towards the door, taking stock.

“You have the tape measure?” Ashwin asked.

“Yep,” she assured him, patting the hunk of metal in her pocket.

“And this was all we came with, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“Should we, like, leave a note or something?”

Cassandra shrugged.

“Where would we get paper?”

“I don’t know, we-“

“Guys?” Mabel squeaked, propped up on one elbow and trying to work the sleep out of her eyes just as her future-son had done, “What are you doing?”

“Well, uh, we were just about to head home,” Cassandra admitted.

“You don’t want breakfast?” she asked, slightly more awake with each word.

The cousins exchanged looks, and with a twinge in her stomach Cassandra realized they were returning to a time several hours away from a meal.

“Actually, breakfast would be wonderful.”

 

* * *

 

Fed and reinvigorated, Cassie and Ashwin stood outside The Mystery Shack.

“Thanks for everything,” Cassandra said to the Pines sending them off. (Stan was least involved, simply hovering by the door, behind his brother and the twins on the porch.)

“It was nice meeting you!” Mabel beamed, “Maybe we’ll see you again some time?”

Ashwin and Cassandra exchanged looks.

“Yeah,” Cassandra responded, “yeah, we’ll see you again. Sometime.”

“You guys have all been really nice,” Ashwin added, “Thank you, really.”

“Hey, no problem!” Dipper insisted, “You guys make pretty good monster hunters.”

“Thanks,” Cassandra smiled. They would need to be good for what awaited them. “Well, um, see ya’,” she concluded, tossing the group a wave as they stepped back into the forrest. Goodbyes were called through the trees, but soon the cousins were alone in the woods.

“It’s weird,” Cassandra noted, “we’re going to see all of them again soon, but at the same time… we may never see them again.”

“Maybe the time travel guy will let us use the tape measure again!” Ashwin said.

“I doubt it after what I’ve done,” Cassandra sighed, coming to a stop and pulling out the tape measure. “What do you think, is this as good a place as any?”

“Looks good to me,” Ashwin agreed.

“I promise, I’ll pay more attention this time,” she assured him, taking her time to measure out years, months, days. Ashwin clutched her arm. “With any luck, this will get us home.”

They held their breaths, and let the tape measure snap back on itself.

 

* * *

 

They popped back into existence in front of a still-stunned Blendin Blandin.

“How-How DARE you!” he shrieked, “I said you could go back hours, not years! You’ve missed your departure time by an hour!”

“Early or late?” Cassandra asked.

“Late! You left an hour ago! Now give me that before you cause a-any- any MORE trouble!” he squawked, snatching the device away. He yanked the tape and was gone, before Cassandra could offer even so much as a ‘sorry.’

“All’s well that ends well?” Ashwin offered half-heartedly.

Cassandra sighed, and pulled the scrap of paper Ford had given her out of her pocket.

“Whatever just happened, we need to get these people together. Bill could be trying to destroy the world.”

“What?! That little song-and-dance corn-chip?!” Ashwin spluttered.

“Yep. You know that thing nobody would tell me about?”

Ashwin nodded.

“Bill almost brought on the apocalypse,” she explained.

“Woah. See, catastrophe! I was right!”

“What a thing to be right about,” she muttered, looking over the symbols. “Let’s go see the Corduroys first.”

 

* * *

 

It was Paul who answered the door, Danny and Faith peeking out from behind him.

“Oh, hey dudes,” he grinned at the two younger teens, “what’s up?”

“Hey guys!” Faith chirped. “Are we going home already?”

“Hey, Faith,” Ashwin responded, kneeling down to his little sister’s level. “we’re not taking you back quite yet-”

“We’re looking for your mom,” Cassandra told Paul.

“Oh, man, she’s not here,” he explained. “she had to go into the woods to check on something. Why?”

“Uh… we need her for something,” was all Cassandra could think to say, “can you call us when she gets back?”

“Sure. I’ll shoot Ashwin a message.”

“Would you?” Ashwin asked wistfully, “That’d be great.”

“OK, see you guys later,” Cassandra concluded. “OK, so, Ms. Wendy isn’t here right now,” Cassandra said, “not a major setback. She’ll be back, right? So… let’s go see Mr. Valentino. He lives over that way, right?”

 

* * *

 

Mrs. Valentino met them at the door.

“No, Rob went to see his parents. I don’t know when he’ll be back.”

Cassandra frowned.

“OK, well, thanks anyway,” she responded. “could Lilith let us know if he comes back?”

“Of course, dear.”

“Thanks, Ms. Tambry!” Ashwin waved as they headed for The Mystery Shack.

 

* * *

 

“Mom and Dad go for breakfast on Tuesdays, remember?” Gabby told them when they came looking for Soos. “He’s not here.”

“Why do you need him?” Stan asked, the Mr. Mystery fez perched on his head.

“Um… no reason,” Cassandra said, “we’ll come back later.”

“I’m getting a little worried,” Ashwin muttered as they left The Shack, “I mean, we’ve got three people we can’t find.”

“Six.”

“Six?!”

“I don’t know how we’ll get our Great-grunkles into town, and I don’t even know who ‘Fiddleford’ is, and we’ve come up empty handed on three people already! Oh, and Dad’s possessed, so that might take us up to seven missing symbols.”

“We can’t defeat a demon with only three people!”

“First let’s see if we can find _anybody_ ,” Cassandra returned, heading towards the Gleefuls’ cabin.

 

* * *

 

But again, they came up empty handed as Elowen answered the door.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, little Gilda watching TV on the sofa behind her.

“Elowen?” Cassandra spluttered, “Where’s Mr. Gleeful?!”

“The Gleefuls went into the city for a day off. Why?”

Cassandra tried to form words, but nothing was working. After some spluttering, the truth spilled out,

“My dad’s been possessed and the world might end and we need these ten people to stop it, but I can’t find any of them.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“Woah. That’s kinda’ nuts.”

“Yeah,” Cassandra agreed.

“So, what’s on the paper, again?”

“Oh, just a series of symbols. Apparently they’re all relevant to people that were here thirty-“

“Isn’t that Gilda’s pendant?” Elowen piped up, pointing to Gideon’s star.

“What?”

“Isn’t it? And Lilith has that heart on a necklace.”

“She does?” Cassandra asked.

“Yeah, she totally does!” Ashwin confirmed.

All of a sudden Cassandra was practically slapped in the face by what she’d seen only moments before-

“Stan Ramirez had Great-Grunkle Stan’s fez, and Gabby has a t-shirt with that question mark on it!” she realized, “Do you know what this means?!”

Elowen and Ashwin shook their heads.

“We shouldn’t be looking for the old symbol holders, we should be looking for new ones! Elowen!” she yelped, causing the other girl to flinch, “Elowen, those glasses look just like yours!”

Elowen squinted at the doodle.

“Oh my god, you’re right,” she agreed, pulling the frames out of her pocket.

“OK, so, we need you, and the Ramirez twins, and-“ Cassandra hesitated, turning her attention to the toddler in the poofy dress, “…and Gilda.”

“Gilda?! Hang on,” Elowen retorted, voice lowered, “I thought you just said the world was ending! And you want to bring a toddler into that?!”

“She has the amulet!” Cassandra insisted, “We need her to complete the circle.”

“Well, until you have all your ducks in a row, I’m gonna’ stay here and keep the toddler out of danger.”

“Sounds good,” Cassandra accepted, “we’ll get everybody else together and call you when we’re ready.”

“Alright.”

“See you in a little bit,” Cassandra concluded, heading back to the paths, pulling her cousin behind her. “OK, so the plan’s changed,” she muttered, only a little bit for his benefit, “we need to go back and get Lilith, and the Ramirez twins, and- oh, the llama is probably Ms. McGucket! You remember her?”

Ashwin responded with a blank stare.

“The librarian! She has cute earrings.”

“How do you remember this?!”

“Unlike you, I’ve been back to the library,” Cassandra pointed out. “so let’s see, that’s six of them covered… what about the ice bag?”

They paused for a moment, squinting at the paper as though it had the answers deeper in the details. A twinge in Cassandra’s shoulder sent her train of thought running: Ow, monster bite- Gnome bite- ice for bite-

“BRENDA!” she realized with a snap, “Not only does she seem to fit the cool-under-pressure concept, but she actually gave me ice! Come on!” she insisted, heading out with more gusto.

None of said gusto had diminished when they knocked on Ms. Valentino’s door again.

“Hello again,” Tambry said, opening the door to find the same children from only a little while earlier.

“Hi,” Cassandra cut right to the chase, “can we talk to Lilith?”

“Sure, hun,” she stepped away from the door to get her daughter, and Ashwin turned to Cassandra.

“Let me handle this one,” he insisted. Lilith was at the door before Cassandra had time to respond.

“Yeah?” Lilith asked, in a comparatively less somber mood. “What’s up?”

“Hey, Lilith,” Ashwin began, “you doing good?”

“Yeah…” Lilith responded with some apprehension.

“Listen, we need your help. All you have to do is, uh-“ he turned to Cassandra, realizing he didn’t really know what this whole banishing ritual entailed.

“Hold hands,” Cassandra told her, “you just gotta’ hold two people’s hands.”

“What?”

“Just, trust us, Lilith. We really kinda’ need you to do this.”

“Why?”

The cousins hesitated.

“We’ll explain once we get all the people together,” Cassandra decided.

“All the people?” Lilith echoed.

“That need to hold hands,” Cassandra explained. “just, be outside The Mystery Shack in half an hour, OK?”

 

* * *

 

Ashwin and Cassandra rushed into The Mystery Shack next.

“Gabby! Stan! Can you help us?” Cassandra shouted, rushing up to the counter.

“Sure, kiddo, what’s up?” Gabby said.

“A bunch of people - mostly other kids - are gonna’ show up here in about half an hour, OK?”

“…OK,” Gabby accepted reluctantly.

“Great. See you in half an hour!” Cassandra said. She began to rush out the door, but paused for a moment to grab a hat off the shelf - blue and white - to replace the one she’d left in the rental cabin, before bolting back out the door again.

 

* * *

 

Cassandra texted Elowen the plan as they headed for the library, where they had to slow down quite a bit to step up to the desk with minimal suspicion.

“Hello, Cassandra, how can I help you?” Kathy McGucket smiled at them.

“Uh…” Cassandra realized she might need to tell more of the truth to get an actual adult on her side. “We need you to meet us at The Mystery Shack in half an hour- actually, more like twenty minutes.”

“Now, why is that?” she asked, looking over the top of her glasses.

“So, um, does this look familiar to you at all?” Cassandra asked, pulling out the paper.

Kathy pushed up her glasses,

“The figure in the center is… a little familiar. Where did you get this?”

“My Great-Grunkle Ford. Listen-“

“Mr. Pines?!” she spluttered. “What do you need from me?”

“To be at The Shack in twenty minutes. You’re this symbol here,” Cassandra explained, pointing out the llama.

“I’ll be there,” Kathy assured her.

 

* * *

 

It was on their way to find Brenda that an unwelcome voice reached their ears.

“Hey, Pines,”

Cassandra growled, not bothering to turn to look at the squat little boy striding up to her.

“Seen any, oh, I don’t know, demons, lately?” Mervin asked.

She stopped in her tracks,

“Why?”

“So… is that a no?” he prompted.

“Why?” she asked again, her tone grimmer.

“I- I was just wondering if, maybe, you’d been visited by-“

“Yes, Mervin. I have seen a demon. That one we woke up a few days ago. Why do you ask?” She snapped.

“I- I was just wondering. Did that, uh, change your perspective on anything, or-?”

“Mervin, I don’t know what you’re trying to pull out of me, but I don’t really have time for this, since that hell-spawn of a nacho chip happens to be currently possessing my father and TRYING TO DESTROY THE WORLD.”

“W-what?” Mervin stammered, “Destroy the-“

“Oh, and, you know, just as icing on the cake, he might kill my dad!” she added, turning to walk away.

“K-kill-? That wasn’t part of the deal!” Mervin whimpered, rushing back up beside her. “I- I just wanted him to scare some sense into you-“

“What?” Cassandra hissed, turning on him again. “WHAT did you just say?”

“I- I wanted him to scare some-“

“Mervin, what did you do?” she asked, voice low and full of unspoken threats.

“I- I summoned Bill to get back at you,” he explained. “You’ve been stealing all my thunder, and-and I thought-“

“You?!” she shrieked, “ _You_ summoned Bill?! I’ve been beating myself up for summoning the thing that’ll kill Dad, and it was YOU?!”

“Y-yes?” he stammered, Cassandra looming over him. She took a deep breath, and almost turned away.

But in an instant Mervin was on the ground, dazed, a red-tinted splotch on his jaw where Cassandra’s fist had made contact - thumb on the outside, arm bent around 90 degrees, a left-hook just like her Great-Grunkle Stan taught her.

“You son of a bitch,” she spat, before wincing at the dull pain in her knuckles. She’d never actually punched anyone before, and damned if it didn’t sting. “Goddamnit,” she hissed, turning away and starting to walk back towards The Shack.

“Hey, I know he’s a terrible person,” Ashwin piped up as she got farther away, still standing right where he’d been when Mervin walked up to them, “but he’s bleeding.”

“Serves him right,” Cassandra responded, not bothering to turn back, but not walking any farther, either.

Mervin didn’t dare speak. He just stared at the blood his glove had picked up from under his nose.

Ashwin stood between the two, glancing back and forth. Mervin sniffed, inadvertently gaining Ashwin’s attention, and the older kid shot him a look of concern,

“Are- are you crying?” Ashwin asked, taking a step closer to him.

“No!” Mervin insisted, “It just hurts, is all. It’s not like I’ve never been punched before.”

“Cassie, he’s crying,” Ashwin told her.

“I don’t care!” she snapped back. “Are you coming or not?”

“Mervin,” Ashwin said, kneeling down in front of him, “do you know what you did?”

Mervin just glared back at him, resenting his tone. So Ashwin would just have to get more serious.

“Mervin, you fucked up bad,” Ashwin reiterated, “you get that, right?”

They stared at each other for a moment.

Mervin looked at the dirt. After a moment of hesitation, he nodded.

“Good. So, if you know you fucked up, do you want to help us fix it?”

“What?!” Cassandra hollered, finally turning to look at her cousin, “Why should we bring him?”

“We’re still missing some symbols, right?” Ashwin said, “He carries that binder everywhere! You’re telling me he’s not the hand?”

“That’s ridiculous,” Cassandra scoffed, “Great-Grunkle Ford is the hand.”

“But he’s not here,” Ashwin reminded her, “just like everyone else that should be on the wheel. We have to make it up.”

“No. He’s nothing like Great-Grunkle Ford.”

“Cassie, nobody’s really like the other people. We just have to make do-“

“Well at least Ford’s really polydactl!” she snapped.

“Um, a-acutally,” Mervin squeaked, regaining their attention. He struggled to his feet and held up a hand, blood-stained glove removed, and wiggled his fingers - all six of them.

Cassandra just turned away. Ashwin hesitated a moment before adding,

“We need you at The Shack in fifteen minutes,” and following his cousin back towards Brenda’s house.

 

* * *

 

Cassandra was still not really up for talking when they first arrived, but Grenda Von Fundchauser would have none of that.

“The Pines kids!” she boomed, scooping them up in a bear hug. “Come in, come in!” she insisted. (Though they didn’t exactly have a choice - she picked them up in her hug and didn’t put them down again until they reached the living room.) “What can we do for you?”

“We need to talk to Brenda,” Ashwin explained, “it’s a little bit urgent.”

“BRENDA!” Grenda hollered, and in an instant her eldest daughter was there.

“What’s up?” she responded, leaning into the room.

“The Pines kids need to talk to you!”

“Oh, cool,” she accepted, joining them in the living room.

“Can you meet us- wait,” Ashwin looked over Cassandra’s shoulder at the wheel, counting off the symbols, “actually, can you come with us to The Mystery Shack?”

“Sure,” Brenda said without hesitation. “let’s go.”

“Have fun, kids!” Grenda beamed as they headed out, “Try to be back by dinner time!”

“No problem!” Brenda assured her. “Right?” she added, turning to the cousins.

“Hopefully,” Cassandra responded.

There was some silence as they walked down the road, broken after a little while by Ashwin.

“Hey, Cass?”

His cousin grunted back.

“How dangerous is what we’re about to do?”

Brenda perked up, interested in the answer as well.

“I don’t know,” Cassandra admitted.

There was a few moments more of silence between the three teenagers, Ashwin fidgeting slightly, before making a decision.

“I have something I gotta’ do,” he concluded, heading off the path. “I’ll meet you there.”

Ashwin walked through the woods, keeping a good pace, and arrived quickly at the Corduroy house. He knocked, and again, Paul answered.

“Oh, hey, dude,” the tall red-head grinned, “sorry, my mom’s still not back.”

“That’s OK-“

“Ash!” Faith chirped, bounding up to him, “What’s up?”

“Hey, Faith,” he replied, getting down on her level and giving her a tight hug, “I’ll come get you in just a little bit, but right now I’ve gotta’ talk to Paul for a second, OK?”

“OK.”

“Alone.”

“OK,” she repeated with a shrug, skipping back into the house.

“Do you think she can still hear us?” Ashwin asked after a moment, his voice low.

“Nah, the TV’s pretty loud.”

“OK. So, I’m about to go do something kinda’ dangerous,” Ashwin explained, “and I don’t really know how bad it could get. And I don’t think it’s super likely, but there’s, like, a ten percent chance I might not come back? So, could you maybe look after Faith? If something happens to me?”

“Of course,” Paul assured him, caught a little off-guard by Ashwin’s seriousness.

Ashwin nodded, reassured, and started to leave, but something brought him back. He took a deep breath, and let the words scramble out.

“Also I think you’re really cool, and really cute, and I’ve had a crush on you like this whole time and you’re still probably better off with Lilith I just thought maybe if I’m gonna’ die I should tell you, OK bye!” he concluded before turning tail and running away, not willing to wait and see Paul’s reaction.

 

* * *

 

Cassandra and Brenda reached The Shack to find most of the other symbols represented, standing outside. They wouldn’t have thought much of the kids gathering outside, if it wasn’t for Gabby.

“Cassie!” she rushed up to them, unable to hide the concern on her face, “Cassie, your dad was just here.”

Cassandra’s stomach sank uncomfortably.

“What?”

“He was just here, told us something was going on outside, and locked the door behind us! What’s up with him?”

“Uh… it’s probably better if I tell everybody at once-“

“And he went behind the vending machine,” Stan added, “why would he do that?!”

Cassandra did not feel good about this at all. She looked over the symbols, waiting for the group to be complete, and hesitated on the shooting star and the pine tree. She’d thought maybe she could still get her dad and her aunt into the circle, but-

The light bulb went on as Ashwin jogged up. The design on his favorite t-shirt suddenly held a deeper meaning.

“Ashwin!” she shouted, “You’re the shooting star!”

“What?” he perked up, “Am I?”

“Yes, of course! But then, who’s the tree-?” all eyes turned on her. “What?”

“Have you looked in a mirror lately?” Elowen asked.

“What?”

“The hat, kiddo!” Gabby told her, pulling the cap off, “It’s got the tree on it!”

“Oh my god,” she wondered why that hadn’t hit her sooner.

“But, what’s going on?” Brenda asked, “Let us in on the secret, Cass.”

Cassandra took a deep breath, and began her explanation, the ten symbols gathered around.

Mervin still clutched the photocopied journal, Elowen wore her glasses and held one of Gilda’s hands, the amulet tucked safely in her pocket. Gabby had her handyman shirt on, of course, and Stan wore his fez lopsided, beside the better-kempt Kathy McGucket, complete with llama earrings. Lilith’s heart-shaped pendant caught the light, and Brenda, though concerned, showed no signs of the stress being placed on them all. As she formed a plan, Cassandra exchanged looks with her cousin, who gave her an assured smile. They were ready.

Or at least, as ready as they would ever be.

 

—

——

———

 

Back in twenty-sñeventy-thirteen (also known as 01 ATB - After Time Baby) Blendin pocketed the time measure. He felt he had done the right thing, and though he knew the time council would not approve it was a lot easier to get away with things without the omniscient Time Baby around. He allowed himself a smile.

“She did just what I expected.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UHKC QF GWI XIE ERQYWZQR’T FKQPG  
> EMF’W IORO BUXG SMWE KD IYE BTIJR OSOUM


	17. MLTBO LC QEB TEBBI

The body of Abel Pines gazed up at the old triangular frame of the portal device, a practically inhuman smile across his face. Bill’s yellow eyes turned to look at Abel’s phantasmal form, only visible to him.

“Whadda’ya think, Pine Tree? I think I’ve got a chance.”

“Even you need time to get this thing running,” Abel spat, “and I’m not sure you can keep this under wraps for long.”

“Please,” Bill scoffed, “if anyone gets suspicious I’ll just kill them.”

Abel hesitated - he knew Bill might make good on that. Though-

“I think that might just make you more suspicious.”

“Well, I mean, it would technically make you more suspicious,” Bill corrected him, and if I get caught, I can just send your meat bag off to serve time and pick a new one! Geez, you guys really did a number on this thing,” he added, taking in all the portal’s missing parts. “Guess you really didn’t want me coming back, eh?” he cackled.

Abel only glared back.

“Whatever, it’s not as though anyone’s going to be stopping me any time soon. I got lucky with question mark and good ol’ Gideon being out of town, and all the others were just a simple matter of diversion! And all the old men are out of the picture, anyway-“

“The Stans are still _alive_ ,” Abel reminded him.

“Sure, sure, but they’re cooped up in some facility somewhere. I mean, what are they, 90? Sheesh. And Sixer survived that damn heart attack…” he grumbled. “at least the only one who gave me any trouble was your sister-“ Bill stopped. Something was creaking behind him, getting louder. He turned to face the elevator - someone was coming.

He ran through the potential obstacles in his head: he knew where shooting star was, and had gotten all the others far gone, so who would know to be suspicious? That stupid brat sapling? Maybe if she’d tipped of the big girl, or the nerd, or-

The doors slid open, and Cassandra stepped out, cap on backwards, ready to fight.

“Cassie…” Abel breathed. She shouldn’t have come back-

Bill let out a short laugh,

“What are you doing down here, kid?” he snickered, “Come to whine me to death? Gonna’ shine a backlight on me? What?”

“Leave my dad alone!” she barked, storming up to him and looking up into her father’s face with defiance.

“Why?!” Bill sneered, “I just got this meat puppet! I’m not gonna’ give it up for nothing! Come on, kid, weren’t you listening?”

“I’m warning you,” she insisted, full of rage.

“What? What can you do?”

“Do you really want to know?” she asked, stalling for time.

“Yeah,” he responded, “I do.”

“Cassie, don’t do this…” Abel muttered helplessly.

“I’m gonna’ fight you!” she told Bill.

He sneered,

“Oh really? You and what army?”

Cassandra grinned - he’d played right into her hand.

“This army!” she responded, the elevator opening once more behind her to reveal the rest of her team.

Bill stared for a moment, nudged slightly off guard by the pile of humans under 25, half of whom were even under 16, but quickly regained his bearings and cackled at the image.

Ashwin stepped out of the elevator shaking a spray can, and quickly set to work.

“This?! _This_ is your army?” Bill laughed, “yeah, real tough.”

“We kicked your ass at twelve,” Abel reminded him, gaining a short glare from the demon possessing his body.

“Hey, Gilda,” Elowen cooed, handing the toddler her amulet and pointing her other hand towards Bill, “wanna’ have some fun?”

Gilda beamed up at Elowen, and squealed with delight, the blue power field pulling Bill off the ground.

“Woah, hey!” he protested, scrambling, “Put me down, pipsqueak!” he snapped, “I gave that amulet power, I can take it away!”

“Do you think you can hold him there?” Elowen asked. Gilda nodded, and Elowen took her hand, Stan Ramirez taking the other.

Ashwin tossed the can of spray paint aside,

“Ready,” he told his cousin.

Cassandra stepped onto the symbol of the pine tree painted on the basement floor, and threw out her hands. Ashwin took one, Elowen took the other.The circle formed around Bill, held firm a few feet off the ground, and recognition broke over his face. Abel beamed at his daughter’s cleverness. If this worked-

“What is this?!” Bill spat, “You think the stupid zodiac is going to work? It’s not like it worked last time! Don’t you know that stuff’s all made up? It’s not going to do anything!” he insisted, even as they began to glow. “Your stupid hippie mumbo-jumbo won’t work on me!”

“Then why do you look worried?” Cassandra grinned, locking her eyes on Bill’s slit pupils. Some sort of wind kicked up out of nowhere as the glow burned brighter.

The demon glowered.

“I said it _won’t WORK_ -“ his roar of rage was cut off and undermined when he curled in pain for a moment.

“What was that?” Cassandra asked, “Still not working?”

Face knotted in pain, Bill glared her down with a single eye,

“You think this is all it takes?” he snarled, the mystic power of their formation whipping up the dust in the untouched basement. “You think you can stop an almighty demon with your little friendship circle?!” another spasm of pain overtook him. “It’s not so easy, kiddo,” he growled, shuddering under the force of the wheel’s power, “‘cause if I’m going down, _you’re_ ** _coming WITH ME!_** ”

He threw one hand out and grabbed the collar of Cassandra’s shirt, and the other towards where her father’s spirit hung in the air, and yanked, reuniting Cassandra with the sickening feeling of her soul leaving her body.

 

* * *

 

Cassandra hit something like solid ground, and struggled to her feet. The world she found herself in was just south of reality - the whole place had an air and a texture like a home movie with slightly muted colors and some indistinct graininess. A look behind her found a dirt road, lined on one side by scattered trees and natural forrest, the other lined with neat but lived in suburban houses - somehow reminiscent of her neighborhood and the neighborhood her grandparents lived in all at the same time. Words were sprinkled across the homes and trees, written in some unknown tongue:

 

_Fdvvlhv ixwxuh…_

 

_dqqlyhuvdub…_

 

_Fkulvwb'v sduhqwv…_

 

_zkdw kdyh L grqh zlwk pb olih…_

 

_eluwk ghdwk wdahv…_

 

_Wrkkvi…_

 

_zppi lrsxtciu ww Qxpc…_

 

_Piqtp ehmsh qv…_

 

_L vtth Ddjta…_

 

_umjcmfq…_

 

_wppco prc Vgemlbn Uecoa…_

 

_EQAA LRV KPHWZH…_

 

The words were everywhere, even sprawled across the very ground. She wished briefly that she had the time and resources to understand them.

And before her stood a house, flickering slightly, like a jolt or a cut in old home video. Bits and pieces of it shifted constantly; one moment it had the roof of her grandparents old house, the front door of her home back in Piedmont, the porch of her parent’s first house, and a window from The Mystery Shack. But then it would flicker in an instant to shuffle all the pieces around. But even as the home shifted colors, ages, and architecture styles, one facet remained the same. A pointed attic with a triangular window and a light on. She began to wonder about it, and how it looked familiar… but her train of thought was broken when Bill, small and triangular again, burst into existence, hovering just outside the front door.

She turned to fix him with a glare,

“Where am I?” she demanded, a little too much panic slipping into her voice. “What have you done?!”

“You wanted to save dear old dad,” Bill explained, leaning casually on his cane, suspended in the air. “here’s your chance. If you can find the real Dipper- sorry - ‘Abel’ - in this convoluted mindscape, I’ll give him back.”

“I don’t trust you.”

Bill laughed,

“You’re just now getting there? Either way, it doesn’t matter. If you can’t find a way out, you’re stuck here anyway. _Indefinitely_. Have fun, Sapling!”

And in a snap and a blink he was gone.

Cassandra took one more look around the grainy, muted landscape, and set her sights on the attic window. It seemed like a good place to look.

 

* * *

 

Cassandra was pulled to the ground as her father’s body collapsed, and in an instant Ashwin was beside her, checking for simple vitals. Trying hard not to panic, he managed,

“She’s just unconscious.” and by the sound of it, it could have been much worse.

“Mr. Pines is still breathing,” Gabby confirmed. “I think they’re alright.”

With Bill around nothing was aright, Ashwin thought, but held his tongue.

“We need to find a way to help them,” he decided, taking the lead, “I’m not sure what’s happening, but they’re alive, and they’ll be safe down here. Come on,” he concluded, gesturing for the group to follow. But he hesitated at the elevator. “Actually, we’re coming back anyway. I just need… Elowen, Mervin, maybe the Ramirez twins? Everybody else just, uh, sit tight. Get something out of the vending machine upstairs, or something. We’ll be right back.”

Ashwin walked with great purpose from The Mystery Shack, leaving through the back door they’d been able to unlock with a key Melody leaves under the mat.

“What’s the plan?” Elowen asked, catching up to him. “Is there a plan?”

“I’m going to find the notebooks. If anything can help us, that’s it.”

“You think?”

“What about the stuff from the old journal?” Mervin offered his binder.

“Depends- how did you find out about Bill?” Ashwin asked him.

“Another demon.”

“Then I doubt it’ll be much help. If there’s nothing about Bill in there, it’s no good to us. Getting back in the rental is our best bet.”

“We’ve got your back, kid,” Stan Ramirez assured him.

“Thanks. Let’s go find some books.”

 

* * *

 

The house was eerily quiet when Ashwin creaked the door open.

“Let’s split up,” he decided. “I’m gonna’ look upstairs, where I think they’ll be, but you guys check for anything else that could help.” Nods were exchanged, and Ashwin jogged up the stairs.

He was glad to find the notebooks up in Cassandra’s loft, undisturbed. He flipped quickly through the pages of each one, but didn’t find too much of obvious use. None the less, he grabbed all three, and had reached the doorway when he heard Elowen holler,

“Ashwin, you need to get down here!”

When he reached her in the kitchen, the notebooks fell to the floor, forgotten.

“Mom!” he shouted, bolting over to Mabel, limp on the floor. She was still breathing, heart still beating. She was alive, but what had happened? His eyes were drawn to a burgundy book in her hand, closed over one finger. He opened it carefully to the chosen page: ‘In Order to See Who Has Been Possessed Recently.’

“She knew,” he realized, “she knew about Bill. Elowen, can you check the notebooks for me? See if there’s anything about incantations?”

“Sure,” Elowen assured him, digging through the old pages.

Mervin looked over Ashwin’s shoulder, perplexed.

“Hey, A-Ashwin, could I see the cover of that book for a second?” he asked.

“Sure, why-?” Ashwin cut himself off as the reflective gold hand caught his eye. “Oh.”

Mervin was rendered dumbstruck for a moment, but when he spoke he spoke with awe and enthusiasm.

“It’s the real journal!” he squealed, “Oh my gosh, I didn’t know it existed! I thought this was I had the only copy! And it has so many more pages! No wonder Mr. Ramirez never realized it was gone!”

“Dude,” Gabby cut in, “did you steal that binder from our dad?”

Mervin froze, and Elowen used the opportunity to cut in.

“There’s several instances of incantations in here. Do you know what you’re looking for?”

“Starts with…videntis omnium?” he offered.

“Ends with Magister Mentium?” Elowen said, settling on an incantation page.

“Yeah, that’s the one!”

“It says it lets you enter another person’s mind,” she explained, showing him the corresponding notebook page. Ashwin looked over the two sets of pages. He began to get an idea of what might have happened to his mother… if this incantation really could take you into another person’s head-

“I have a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IVA LLBY BZ SJ, ALI RPAA’W RTTHA  
>  NQZX ASTFA LRG RTIIH’Z QMYS PAIE DZM?


	18. lqwr wkh plqgvfdsh

Bill popped back into the arena he had formed within Abel’s mind. He turned to his opponent, looking disinterested.

“And where have you been?” she snapped, “Off trying to rig the game?”

“None of your business, Shooting Star,” he retorted as she fired another energy blast through him. “But I see you’re still not done trying to fight me. Did you forget I’m _ultimately powerful_?”

“Like hell you are!” she barked, shooting at him again, which he easily dodged. “We defeated you once-“

“You’re all so hung up on that!” Bill chuckled, “Clearly you didn’t defeat me, or I wouldn’t be back! Really, you should just give up. I could take you back,” he reminded her, and in a moment their battleground was surrounded with bright colors, happy faces, mystical creatures, 80’s music-

“You really think I want to go back there?!” she shot back, dissipating it all with the swipe of a hand. “That was the most horrific time of my life!”

“I think you might be confusing it with the bits around it-“

“It was Still part of Weirdmageddon,” she retorted, “It was a dirty, rotten trick.”

“Suit yourself,” Bill shrugged, dodging another blast.

 

* * *

 

Elsewhere in the mindscape, Cassandra found that the inside of the house was far more familiar (and less flickery) than the outer walls. The entryway looked very much like that of her own home, but with more doors. Many more doors. A curious look through one of the doors found a shared experience - her most recent birthday. So, the rooms held… memories?

Otherwise, the house looked almost exactly like her own, until she came to the stairs up to the second floor. These stairs were decidedly not the stairs in her house. A peek through another door revealed a window into a time before her, when her parents were just married, or at least a younger married couple. She realized she might not want to take any chances looking through those doors.

The stairway opened onto an unfamiliar hall, probably still from her parent’s previous home, and there were a series of rooms built off the hall, different than the memory doors. Cassandra wasn’t entirely sure what these rooms were. They were basically small apartments, but as she went farther down the hall the cruder they became. Noticing a pile of textbooks she could make an educated guess - dorm rooms. (Though, maybe with an apartment or two thrown in. She had more pressing things to do than to count out the rooms in relation to her father’s life.)

She jogged up another staircase, this one lined with familiar wallpaper. She didn’t really place the familiarity until she stepped up to the second story of her grandparent’s old house. They’d downsized lately, wanting a change of scenery, but Cassandra had come here when she was younger. This was the house her father would have grown up in.She hazarded a looking through a door to find memories of school days, including Mabel. Another door showed her a scene from summer in Gravity Falls. By the looks of things, it might have been the summer she and Ashwin time traveled to. As she reached for a third memory door farther down the hall the swift motion and loud thunk of a ladder falling from a trap door drew her attention. She looked down the hall, weighing her options.

This building had already broken physics - from the outside it was clearly a two-story house, and she was about to climb up to a fourth floor attic - but that was no reason not to climb the ladder. She stepped toward the ladder, and looked up through the door. A warm yellow light was on. Just like the attic window she’d seen outside.

She pulled herself up and into The Mystery Shack’s attic and onto a barren wooden landing. A few steps away was a door, the yellow light leaking out. With only the slightest trepidation, she padded forward, and opened the door all the way.

It was the same room she had stayed in the night she’d gone back in time, but the room seemed even more to belong to the twins. To her left was clearly her father’s side - a painting of a boat hung on the wall and there was a cork board propped up, covered in what looked like conspiracy theories (it was hard to tell, all text was coded - the label at the top read ‘ZKR LV WKH DXWKRU?’). Though, perhaps it was more obvious because of the comparison to the bed on her right that was so obviously her aunt Mabel’s. Her wall was plastered with posters of boy bands and motivational cats, there was a flower painted on the headboard, a sweater with a shooting star hung off one of the bed posts, and she’d set up a nice lamp and small bedside table. Her father seemed to have just put a lantern on the desk between the two beds and called it close-enough to bedside lighting.

The lantern was what gave off the soft yellow glow, and she was drawn to the desk it sat on. The lantern was accompanied by lots of lose leaf paper, chewed pens, a blue and white cap just like the one she’d snagged from the gift shop, and a sturdy book. She pulled up the nearest chair and examined the book, bound in burgundy, a golden hand emblazoned on the front. She placed her own hand over the symbol absently and realized it was the six-fingered hand. Ford’s old journal, and her father’s gateway to the mysteries of Gravity Falls.

She lifted the cover and found herself sitting on a bus, journal suspended in the air before her, an isle away from Mabel and Dipper. Her father was looking out the window.

“Grunkle-Stan Grunkle-Stan Grunkle-Stan!” Mabel chanted, poking him in the arm. The water tower whipped by outside the window. “We haven’t been out here in forever! This’ll be fun!”

“Sure, Mabel,” Dipper responded, cracking a smile in spite of trying not to like this situation.

“Imagine: summer romance!” Mabel said, throwing a hand out before her in a ‘picture it’ gesture.

“Yeah, you have fun with that,” he retorted, “I’ll settle for not getting eaten alive by mosquitoes.”

Pulling herself away from the scene, Cassandra flipped through the pages of the journal. Would she find the ‘real’ Abel here?

The next pages she landed on stuck her on a boat in the middle of Lake Gravity Falls. The small dinghy sped away from a police boat, hot on their tail, and Dipper snapped a picture.

She flipped more pages and found herself at a fair, Mabel running by with a pig, Dipper playing a carnival game. What a weird plush creature…

She turned a large chunk of pages and was staring at a large, possibly infant pterodactyl.

She yelped and turned the page to hurtle through the air towards a large robotic head that vaguely resembled Mr. Gleeful.

Screaming uncontrollably she turned the pages again, coming to rest backstage at a play. But, where was Dipper? She turned around to find Bill’s slitted eyes staring at her. No, through her, she realized after stumbling back. This was a memory. He couldn’t see her.

Desperate to get away from that image she turned the pages into a fancy party. Extremely fancy. Though, she had to admit Mabel’s dress was extremely poofy. And, was that Ms. Northwest-Passage? She turned back to the book; this was not what she needed to find.

A few pages away she stood in The Shack’s basement again. She took in the scene: the room was wrecked, the only light coming from a glowing blue hole in a toppled triangular device. The one Bill had been working on. She took a curious step closer.

A silhouette appeared in the swirling blue surface and stepped through, walking over to retrieve a journal like the one in her hands from the ground.

“W-what-?“ she turned as she heard Dipper stammer, “Who… is that?”

“The author of the journals,” her Great-Grunkle Stan explained. “my brother.”

Cassandra turned to find her Great-Grunkle Ford, somewhat younger, and more rugged than as she’d known him, but it was Ford none the less.

“Woah…” she breathed. This was more like it. Maybe one of these pages would lead her to her father.

She turned the pages, full of hope, to find birthday party preparations taking place. She frowned, that wouldn’t do it.

She flipped some more pages, disappointed, to find the world bathed in red light.

“Now isn’t this INTERESTING” Bill mused, looming over her. “My old puppet is back for an encore!” he said, giant eye turning around her. But as she followed his spotlight-esque eye she realized he was speaking to Dipper, standing just beside her. “You think you can stop me?” Bill chided, dangling what looked like… a gold statue of Great-Grunkle Ford-? “Go ahead, Pine Tree! Show me what you’ve got!”

“I- Uh…” Dipper flipped frantically through the journal, searching for answers.

“What about you, Sapling?”

Cassandra’s blood went cold as Bill turned on her.

“Cassie-!” Dipper yelped just as Cassandra slammed the book shut, back in The Mystery Shack’s attic.

Her heartbeat hammered in her head and her breath was shallow. She tried to make sense out of what she had just experienced, but didn’t have much luck.

 

Out on the mindscape battlefield, Bill laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BUX ABUHEKNSW KS P JQPES ISEOM  
> PDKUACHZN AOL US FQZH LQ WPWBR


	19. VKRZGRZQ

Cassandra wasn’t sure how long she sat at the desk in the old Shack attic. She held her head in her hands trying to calm down and think this through. How was she supposed to find the ‘real’ Abel in all these memories? What would make him the ‘real’ Abel?!

Maybe- maybe it was one closer to present day? It was unlikely his 12-year-old self was the ‘real’ Abel. She stood up from the desk and took one more look around the room. All this had clearly meant a lot to her dad. If this plan didn’t work out, she’d be back. She scrambled down the ladder and headed for the lowest level.

On the ground floor she started opening doors, searching for any sign of her father.

 

A camping trip several years ago.

 

One of her Great-Grunkles’ visits.

 

Her parent’s anniversary (got out of that one quick, just in case.)

 

Work.

 

A snow day.

 

She grunted in frustration; even if she stuck around for a little while none of these memories showed any signs of being more than just that - memories.

She raced down the hall for more recent memories:

 

A trip to the pool.

 

Getting to Gravity Falls.

 

The reunion party at The Shack.

 

A handful of purely mundane memories.

 

Abel and Mabel following her and Ashwin on the gnome hunt.

 

Cassandra hesitated. They’d been… following them? She watched them for a moment, but this memory still showed no signs of importance. She skipped over several doors and threw open one very close to the entrance.

 

She found herself, possessed by Bill, confronting her father.

“I’m sure you remember my affinity for the painful,” Bill sneered, riffling through drawers. “Oooh, look at this one!” he commented, retrieving a large kitchen knife, “Fun!”

Cassandra’s breath caught.

Her father stared, mouth dry.

“Don’t,” Abel managed to force out.

“OK,” Bill agreed, holding out a hand, “give me your body.”

Dipper hesitated.

“NO!” Cassandra yelped, reflexively throwing out a hand, which slid right through the film between the hallway and the memory.

She stared at her arm, and so did Abel.

“Cassie?” he asked, making direct eye contact.

“Dad?” she whimpered, not daring to move.

Abel walked over and pulled her through the film,

“Cassie, I’m glad you’re here-“

“What about Bill?” she asked, turning to her possessed body.

“He seems to be frozen,” Abel noted, waving a hand in front of the yellow eyes. “with any luck he’ll stay that way. Cassie, you need to take advantage of the mindscape,” he explained, taking Cassandra by the shoulders, “Bill is weakest here.”

“W-what?! But he acts all high and mighty-“

“Any power he has comes from experience, nothing more. You’re in the mindscape, Cassie - you can do whatever you want!” with the turn of his hand he produced the white and blue hat and placed in on her head. She’d lost it when she fell into the mindscape.

“Anything?” she breathed.

“Anything,” he confirmed. “if you face Bill-“

“How do I even find Bill?!” she asked, “I could barely find you!”

“You can do anything you want, remember? If you can imagine it, you can do it.”

“Really?”

“You bet.”

She hesitated a moment, before nodding and heading for the door back out of the memory.

“Go get ‘em, Cassie,” Abel called after her.

 

* * *

 

Bill was getting bored of his charade.

“You just don’t get it, do ya’ Shooting Star?” he sighed, “You just keep trying the same thing over, and over, and over again! I thought you were supposed to be the creative one!”

Mabel growled and shot another useless projectile at him.

“Well if it’s so pointless, why haven’t you finished me off yet?” she barked.

Bill glared down at her, turning red,

“Oh, you want me to finish you off-?!” he was cut off as something slammed into his side, sending him reeling. “Agh! Hey! Get off!” he barked, shaking the attacker loose.

Cassandra hit the ground, and jumped up, still glaring him down.

“Fight me!” she hollered.

“Cassie!” Mabel yelped, “What are you-?!”

“So, the Sapling tracked me down, huh? What’re you gonna’ do-“

Cassandra summoned a ball of energy and hurled it at Bill, catching him off guard. He was briefly incapacitated, but shook the blast off quickly.

“Why you-“

Before he could lunge, Cassandra teleported away, coming at him from a different angle.

“Missed me!” she grinned. “And again,” she added, dodging his attack, “and again, and again, and-“

“ENOUGH!” he bellowed, sending a shockwave through the mindscape that knocked both Cassandra and Mabel to the ground. “You think you can just waltz into my realm and fight me? You think it’s that easy?!” he howled, towering over Cassandra. “I can destroy you with a single-“

Mabel shot another energy blast at him, glancing off one side of him.

“Shooting Star, I’ve had just about enough of you!” he snapped, flinging her to the side with a single gesture. “The Sapling needs to learn a lesson,” he snarled, blue power building in one hand.

“HEY!” someone shouted, grabbing his attention, “Back the HELL away from my cousin!”

“Hey,” Elowen retorted, elbowing him, “there’s a toddler present!”

“Ashwin!” Cassandra chirped, teleporting to his side and flinging her arms around him.

“Ash?!” Mabel spluttered, rushing over to her son and the gaggle of young people with him, “Hun, how did you get here? What are you-?!”

“We found the incantation,” Ashwin beamed, “I thought, maybe, if everybody followed into Uncle Dip’s brain-“

Bill fired at the group, scattering them like bowling pins,

“Would you stop it?!” Bill snapped. “Alright,” he groaned, pinching his apex in exasperation, “what are you trying to do here? Did you plan this?” he gestured at the group, “What is this? I can’t believe it. Damn Pines…”

“Ashwin, we can do whatever we want!” Cassandra explained, scrambling over to her cousin. “With all of us, maybe we can take him!”

Ashwin grinned, full of mischief, and hopped up.

“Hey, nacho! Over here!” he barked, gaining Bill’s attention, “Have you ever considered a makeover?” he asked, producing a comedically large mascara brush and very purposefully jabbing Bill in the eye.

“GAH! What the-?!”

Gilda giggled with delight, picking up on the method.

“Kitties!” she squealed, summoning brightly colored cats to pile onto Bill, who howled in protest.

In a moment Elowen was wielding a chainsaw and hollering like a madman, leaping towards Bill’s limbs, the Ramirez twins hot on her tail, Gabby wielding a laser sword and Stan a broadsword. Lilith called up fire balls, searing Bill’s glowing form, and Brenda, inspired by her symbol, summoned ice powers, freezing Bill solid, only for the ice to be broken by shotgun fire from Kathy McGuckett.

Mervin was slightly less imaginative, simply leaping at Bill, brandishing his binder. But Bill had recovered from the other attacks.

“You,” he snarled, catching the boy in midair. A sort of hush fell over the arena. “you would really betray me?”

Mervin was frozen in fear.

“You think they can give you half the power I can?” Bill hissed, “They hate you! You know they do,” he assured him as Mervin tried to avoid his eye. “They only want you to complete their stupid zodiac. I could make you all powerful-“

“He’s lying!” Mabel shouted, “Don’t believe him! He’s made of empty promises and evil!”

Mervin stared up at Bill, stricken with terror. The group held their breath - with what she’d seen, Cassandra believed that Bill could make Mervin all powerful, at least as long as he wanted him to be. She swallowed hard.

“Mervin!” Cassandra shouted, “You’re an asshole, but you’re smart! And you’re smarter than this!”

Mervin glanced back toward Cassandra.

“Kid, this isn’t me or them,” Bill growled, “this is ultimate power or _death_.”

“Mervin, he promised me power, he promised me answers! And he gave me death threats! Mervin, don’t make the same mistake-“

“Shut it, Sapling.” Bill shot a bolt and Cassandra, knocking her back. “So, what’s it gonna’ be, _Merv_?”

Mervin looked back at Cassandra, and up at Bill. His face set, and he pulled back and punched Bill in the eye.

Bill yelled in pain, reeling back and dropping Mervin.

“That’s it!” he roared, recovered, “This is the end for you!”

He produced an attack of ultimate power, but Mabel summoned a shield around Bill, pushing the attack back on him. In a single gesture he eliminated the bubble, and an all-out fire fight broke out. The whole group attacked Bill with a fury, each choosing a power or a weapon all their own - Mervin summoned magic; Cassandra summoned lasers and lights; Mabel summoned craft supplies, glitter, and heavy artillery - but for every attack they could dish out, Bill countered with a fury. As they got more creative, he became more persistent. As they hit their greatest strength, he sent a crippling wave of power through the mindscape, toppling them all.

Cassandra struggled to her feet again, and grabbed Ashwin’s hand, giving him a meaningful look. The pair each found another hand, and the zodiac gathered together again as Mabel looked on. Cassandra started a whisper, a life-or-death game of telephone:

_“Imagine Bill’s destruction.”_

“What, third time’s the charm?” Bill sneered, “It hasn’t really worked yet, why should it work now?”

“Because you’re weaker in the mindscape,” she responded, feet set and gaze firm. “Now!” she hollered, and all the symbols’ pent up anger was projected toward Bill, consuming him in various forms of mutilation. He wailed in distress, overcome, before bursting free of the attack, throwing the wheel apart.

Both parties were wounded, an no one dared move. Bill was smaller now, like when Cassandra had first seen him, a little flickery around the edges. They’d hurt him, but it wasn’t enough. Cassandra screwed her eyes shut.

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered, “Dad, I’m so sorry. I thought- I thought I could do this, I wanted to do this so bad- Dad- Dad, I-“

“You found me.”

Cassandra’s eyes shot open to find herself face-to-face with Abel, the pair suspended in a starry sky. Cassandra gaped at him.

“Dad-“

“Looks like you really can get caught up in your own head,” Abel chuckled, gesturing to their surroundings, “I didn’t even really know I was in here, but look at that! I guess Grunkle Stan wasn’t kidding.” he smiled softly at his daughter. “Come on,” he added, wrapping an arm around her, “this should have ended a long time ago.”

In an instant, they were back on the battlefield.

“Where did she go?” Bill was just realizing,

“Cipher,” Abel barked, stepping in front of Cassandra.

Bill turned, a cocktail of shock, fear, and anger in his eye.

“Dipper!” Mabel beamed.

Abel produced a small, blue pine tree. He flicked open the top, revealing a lighter.

“So, did I hear right that you’re afraid of fire?”

“It doesn’t work like that,” Bill retorted, “last time it was that stupid memory gun-“

“Yeah, sure. Hey kids, want to play with fire?”

Cassandra, Mabel and Ashwin took action first. Cassandra produced a tree lighter herself, and Mabel and Ashwin produced stars, tricolored tails included.

The rest of the group followed suit, and soon flames of all colors flickered at the top of each symbol.

“You can’t be serious,” Bill spluttered, looking them all over, “for all you know this could destroy your mind!” he told Abel.

“Anything to get rid of you,” Abel responded.

“It won’t work,” Bill insisted, only a little convincing. “Look, I can just-“ he shot out a burst of air in an attempt to blow out the flames, but they stood tall. “Well, what if-“ rain poured down, but the flames were not affected.

“Ready?” Abel asked.

The group nodded.

Abel turned to Cassandra, who nodded in turn.

“No!” Bill wailed, “Don’t you dare! I can still-“ Bill began to conjure up an attack, but the lighters were already in the air. The first to make contact was Abel’s, and the demon began to burn.

“No!” he wailed, trying to summon any power and failing horribly. He contorted and transformed in agony and desperation as the flames consumed him.”This can’t be happening!”

“How’s your punch?” Abel asked his daughter.

She shrugged.

“Come on,” he prompted, holding up a fist.

She followed suit.

The pair pulled their arms back, and dashed at Bill, landing their punches right on his eye.

Bill screamed in agony, bursting into bright, searing light.

 

* * *

 

Abel was the first to come to. He managed to sit up, and look around the room. The old basement was dusty and still, but that was only because the pile of people around him was still unconscious, though not for long.

Cassandra groaned, and struggled into a sitting position.

Abel and his daughter stared at each other, checking each other’s eyes for signs of possession.

“Cassie?” Abel prompted.

“D-dad?” she returned.

There was a short moment of hesitation as they reassured themselves that everything was OK again, and Abel pulled his daughter into a tight hug.

A gesture she readily reciprocated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOS BLUDG AZ CRHF, PUW IOPWZA’F OVB,  
> PKCQTZ AVAUS’O BFL ZWVH NRMUWKQ MAG LV QKPS.


	20. GSV VMW

Mabel and Ashwin arrived at the Corduroy house, and again, Paul answered the door. Ashwin stood a bit behind his mother, not quite willing to face what he’d said to Paul before.

“ _Now_ are we going home?” Faith asked from behind Paul, a little skeptical.

“Yes,” Mabel assured her, “it’s time to go home.”

“OK! Hey, Ash,” she added, waving to her brother.

“Hey, Faith,” he responded, smiling back.

“Come on, hun,” Mabel said, taking her daughter’s hand, “we’re gonna’ let Ashwin talk to Paul for a minute.”

Ashwin threw his mother a worried look, but she just smiled back, feigning innocence.

“So, that thing went OK?” Paul prompted.

“Y-yeah. Yeah,” Ashwin assured him, not daring to make eye contact.

“Good. Glad you didn’t die.”

“Yeah, that’s good. E-Elowen can tell you about what happened, I guess.”

There was a silence between them, tinged with awkwardness, but Paul finally addressed the elephant in the room.

“So, about what you said,”

Ashwin winced.

“Honestly, I’m flattered,” Paul said. “But-“

“But you don’t like guys?” Ashwin prompted.

Paul laughed,

“But I’m too old for you!” he corrected him, “Listen, I really appreciate that you up and told me, even if it was in the face of death, but I’m an adult, technically, and I gotta’ be the bigger person here. You’re cool, and we should totally hang out, but we just can’t date. At least not for the next three years or so. But you’re a cool kid,” he reminded him, placing a hand on his shoulder, “and you seem pretty brave.” though the whole thing was melancholy, Paul’s smile still reassured him. “You should go see your sister,” he added, “seeing as you thought you might never see her again.”

“Yeah, right,” Ashwin agreed. “Thanks, Paul.”

“No problem, Ash. See you around?”

“Yeah, see you around.”

 

* * *

 

Mervin, after the events within the mindscape, went home. He expected that he had ruined any chance of companionship for the rest of the summer, and was resigned to wallowing in guilt and self-pity. But the day after the odd events he was called down to talk to someone at the door.

“It’s Mervin, right?” Abel Pines asked.

Mervin simply nodded, bewildered.

“I hear you’re really into the unknown.”

Mervin nodded again, recovering his senses before Abel could speak again.

“M-mr. Pines,” he stammered, “I’m really sorry about what happened. I- I didn’t know- I was an idiot, and you- you almost died-!”

“It’s OK!” Abel assured him, “It’s understandable. You don’t have the greatest impulse control at this age. I had some… similar mishaps. Listen, I thought maybe you’d like an upgrade from that photocopied binder you’ve got,” he explained, producing the worn Journal 3. Mervin’s eyes went wide with awe. “My great uncle tried to get rid of the thing years ago, but it keeps making it’s way back to The Shack. We’ve been holding onto it, but I bet he’d appreciate it if his journal found a way into the hands of another polydactyl looking for mysteries.”

“Th-thank you,” Mervin stammered, carefully taking the book.

“Just don’t be an idiot,” Abel added. “summoning stuff is never a good idea.”

“Y-yes sir. I- I sort of figured that out,” Mervin admitted.

“Good. Oh, and there’s some contact info in there if you ever want to talk about Gravity Falls’ weirdness. Us Pines have over sixty years of experience.”

“I- I’ll take good care of it, sir!”

“I’m sure you will, kid,” Dipper smiled. “Good luck.”

“And, Mr. Pines?” Mervin added.

“Yeah?”

“Could you tell Cassandra I’m sorry, too?”

“Sure.”

 

* * *

 

In the late morning of August 25th, exactly 30 years from the end of Weirdmageddon, there was a veritable crowd huddled in the largest room of The Mystery Shack. The group was large, made up of both the groups assigned to the wheel, and a few more besides, like Grenda, Candy, and Tambry. At the front of the group Mabel, Abel, Cassandra and Ashwin sat at a table. Abel was setting up a laptop.

A hush fell over the room as the video call rang. Even little Gilda went quiet, sitting in her father’s lap. (This was at least in part because she’d been given a cookie.)

When the video connection was made the screen was full of a red knit pattern, and chuckles scattered around the room. It was someone on the other side of the call that spoke up.

“Sixer!” Stan’s gravelly voice carried through the speakers, “Get away from the camera!”

“What? Oh-“ Ford stepped back, and the two old men were visible, sitting at their desk.

“Hey, guys!” Mabel chirped.

A chorus of variations on ‘hello’ rang through The Shack.

“That’s quite a crowd you’ve got there!” Ford acknowledged, shifting his glasses.

“I hope they’re all paying for the privilege!” Stan barked, grinning.

“I’m afriad not, Mr. Pines,” Soos smiled back.

Ford’s eyes widened,

“Hello, Cassandra, Ashwin,”

“Hi!” Cassandra waved enthusiastically, still not fully recovered from the adrenaline of her adventure.

“I know we agreed this was a strictly reunion call,” Abel explained, “but some interesting circumstances have come up. You wanna’ tell ‘em?” he offered, turning to Cassandra. She leapt on the chance.

“We fought Bill!”

Stunned expressions took over the Stans.

“You what?” Ford gaped. Stan recovered quicker,

“Did’ja punch him for me?”

“Honestly, it’s really crazy complicated,” Cassandra admitted. “There was all this stuff with like, time travel, and mindscapes, and tons of weird stuff like that, but we did punch him. Oh, and the zodiac thing worked!”

“What?” Ford repeated, leaning closer, “How? I would’ve thought Bill would see that coming!”

“Oh, he totally did!” Cassandra agreed. “He tried to get as many of the old symbols out of the picture as he could, but we found more! It was super cool!”

“It sounds like it,” Ford agreed.

“So that freaked-out nacho chip is gone?” Stan clarified, “Fantastic! Hope I never see the bastard again.”

“Stan, there are children present!” Ford hissed.

“Otherwise the trip’s been pretty boring,” Ashwin added, but a slip of a smile gave him away. “I mean, other than the mermaid and the gnomes and all.”

“Sounds like a Gravity Falls summer!” Stan responded. “Ya’ take after your parents.”

“They sure do,” Abel agreed, tugging Cassandra’s hat.

“To a T!” Mabel grinned, wrapping an arm around Ashwin.

“But how have you been doing?” Soos asked, sparking a familiar list of Stan Pines’ complaints, the opening rant for several hours of comfortable conversation.

 

* * *

 

Trees passed lazily by outside the car, heading back towards California. Mabel and company passed by in their minivan and waved enthusiastically. A gesture returned with equal love, if not equal enthusiasm, by Cassandra and her parents.

Her father’s notebooks were laid out in the back seat beside Cassandra. The first one sat on her lap, a backlight clutched in one hand, revealing that extra layer of content.

Her phone vibrated, revealing texts from her new friends, wishing her well. Stan Ramirez had already taken a selfie of a handful of them in The Shack. For all the trouble he’d caused, Cassandra was still glad to see that Mervin was among the group. Another text arrived, from Meranda, assuring Cassandra that she’d found her family and was home safe. Meranda said she’d text regularly.

As the ‘Now Leaving Gravity Falls’ sign drifted by she removed an earbud and turned towards the driver’s seat,

“We’re coming back, right?” she asked her father.

He smiled,

“We’ll be back next summer, I’m sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUH WB DGVXLRU LASVL’V HCIV,  
> PDLZERQUT ZYVILOLH XUH LBQQRU MOEX JROL LIE.  
> WAL VIAWTS GEOLG’Z REHJAA FYG HFWXC UDESW,  
> EF WALC TNVL ALI SDWLH WVJG: USA YHTCMRT JKHZMGB YHPPF
> 
> -+-+-
> 
> And the beast is complete! This is the longest fic I've ever written, and the first long-form fic I've ever finished! It's a good day.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading, and I would love to hear any feedback you have. Also, I'd love to answer any questions! I have a lot of thoughts on where the Gravity Falls characters are thirty years later that weren't relevant to the story.
> 
> No matter what, I'm grateful to all of you for reading, and I hope you'll keep an eye out for any Gravity Falls fics I may write in the future!
> 
> Stay weird, guys!


End file.
